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losing my daughter


darcy12

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still to this day I can't belive I found my little girl face down in her cot not breathing I done Dr abc on while waiting for the amberlace to get there when they got there all I could was cry and watch as they cut her clothes of andays work on her but these are not the thing's that come to my nightmare's every night hearing it on the police the radio that my little girl has passed away and I couldnt even be there to say bye to her I don't no who I am know more all I know is I have a 8 yr old to take care of but it's not easy 

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Darcy 12 . 

I was so so sorry to hear of the loss of ur dear daughter.    I have lost the two sons who loves me in word and deed.  

So I know the GREIF of losing a child. I care. and feel free to pour your heart out to me if u feel the need  To talk to one who has walked in your shoes.   

Rainie. 

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Thank you RAiNiE I just don't know what too feel and having another child to look after everyone says be strong for the other child but I feel I don't no how too do anything and its been nearly 4 months since she passed but I miss her solo bad 

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my dear Darcy.  

I want you to know that everything you feel. Think.  Say. Do  is perfectly Norman for  mom who has experienced a moms worst nightmare come true. Quit listening to anyone who says anything that make you feel even worse. If possible by thier ignorant words on what. How. You should be feeling or doing.   If a person has not lost a dear child they have NO CLUE WHAT U  R  AND WILL GO THRU    THE MOST OMPORTANT THING NOW IS FOR I TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF INORDER TO  SURVIVE        YOU HAVE SUFFERED A traumatic loss to you body soul and sport and are in what I have labeled from my experience   THE OUTA UR MIND WITH GREIF STAGE     I WILL WRITE MORE IF U RESPONS    I can only take on so much now   RAiNiE

 

 

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I don't even no how to greif 90percent off the time I feel numb 5percent I wana cry or shout at people an the other 5 I just don't no

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 Every thing feels so unreal with out her little voice. I'm sorry for lost how old was she if u don't mind me asking 

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Cheryl, Tony's Mom

The sad truth is our lives will never be the same without our sons and daughter, smh

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On 9/2/2016 at 11:12 AM, darcy12 said:

I don't even no how to greif 90percent off the time I feel numb 5percent I wana cry or shout at people an the other 5 I just don't no

 

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Thank you Darcy.

today As I got up & was going about waking up &

starting my day, getting my routine going, getting Dan , my husbands breakfast & lunch

and all my responsibilities going , I turned the radio on to 105 Warm station I heard 

songs Ronnie like

liked and all my feelings of being their mom flooded into my heart

and this thought came to my mind " RAiNiE ~ you are still & 

always with be Rocky & Ronnies Mom" & I just decided to live the rest of the life I am given

with this in mind " I still have my Rocky & Ronnie as my sons, they are just not living on this plain of planet

earth & yet, their love is still alive .  And this statement reaffirmed itself in my mind, heart, & soul .

Darcy, I do not know much for sure ~~ but this is one of the things I do know is true "LOVE NEVER DIES"

i have learned this in the storms of life, in the pit s of dispare in the & thru the loss of my sons ~

also, as a human being I have to be re reminded often,,,,everything I have gone thru in my childhood, Or things in my past or 

prenent PAILS in the face of losing the two children, people who loved me fiercely in word and deed ~ 

send you much loves and hugs Darcy,,,,,,

hold on sweet girl     The storms are raging but you will  , one day,   Rise up as a strong woman of courage....and actually,

you already are,,,,you just can't see, or feel it and even thou you feel like giving up...

you will keep on pressing towards the goal of becoming a wounded healer yourself ~

all of the moms past present and future who are still fighting the good fight of living without our children are like a 'band of sisters '

well I will close now,

by now you know I am a mouth in this world and say too many words to try to get across the great love and care I so want to let everyone know they each are walked so much and needed so much to be here on planet earth til it is their time to 

be reunited with all who have gone on before them.

anyway, Darcy,

i care so deeply for you,,,,we don't know each other real well but this on this we know for sure.

we care about each other even in our deepest heart breaks.

RAiNiE

 

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thought life we will always have reminders of our children no matter how big or small it may be there will always be something to say they touched our hearts and those around them. and like you said Rainie we may not know each other but we are joined by one thing even tho it is sad. you have been my biggest support thank you Rainie 

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i agree love never dies and there is always an unbroken umbilical cord that stretches between mothers and their children for life. We just need to learn to be there for our other children if we have them and love our families and friends. None of us are perfect there is no script to follow when dealing with unimaginable pain and loss we all take different times to heal and find acceptance and peace. take care

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I feel your pain darcy.

My little girl passed away 2 months ago at 19 months. She is my life, world everything. She was my purpose for life. And  now it is all ripped out of my life.... everything gone.:( Miss her so much cant life without her.

Wish I can prevent this from ever happening to any parent... no one deserves this.

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so do I I still blame myself for my little lady's death as to why I didn't see she was ill why didn't I check on her sooner what did I do soo wrong x

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None of us did anything wrong we were all victims of a tragic happenstance. At least we had children to love some people never get that chance. But oh the pain of their loss

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does the pain ever go away or does it stay wit us for life I don't no how I'm gonna cope this Christmas or on her birthday in Jan witch people then expect me to celebrate mine witch is 2 days after hers I keep thinking about making this hell go away for good and join her but then I still have my other daughter to take care off

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Oh Darcy,

i remember the horror of the beginnings of each of my losses.    

Somehow I am still her ~

i, too, just wanted to go be with them after each loss ~

way down the line I realized that during thoes times I did not want to die,,,,I just wanted to get away from the unexplainable pain...

there is no closure in the way people present it..

one NEVER GETS OVER THE LOSS.

BUT ONE DAY YOU WILL REALIZED,,,MAYBE SOME TIME HAS GONE BY THAT U SID NOT THINK ANOUT OR FEEL THE PAIN....THEN YOU MAY FEEL GUILTY ABOT LAUGHING OR JUST LIVING AND ON GOES THE DYNAMIC OF FIGURING OUT HOW OR IF YOU WANT TO GET BEYOND THIS TIME AND LIVE BY REALIZING THEY ARE GONE FROM HEAR..

NOT TOO LONG AGO AFTER LOSING BOTH MY SONS I UNDERSTAD,,AS MUCH AS THIS MORTAL MIND CAN...THAT YESSSS

LOVE NEVER DIES IN THE TRUE SENSE IN THAT.. I STILL REMEMBER THEIR LOVE,AND MINE FOR THEM...I REMEMBER THE THINGS I FEEL LIKE I FAILED OR LET THEM DOWN IN WHILE THEY

WERE STILL WITH ME,,,

BUT I NOW KNOW THAT EVEN THOES THING THEY NEVER HELD AGAINST ME,,,ONE CAN LOVE AND STILL NOT AGREE ON EVERYTHING.

DARCY,

U ARE A PERSON WHO HAS SUCH A HEART   A HEART THAT CARES TOO MUCH AT TIMES WHICH MEANS U OR WILL BE ONE WHO IS TOO HARD ON URSELF..

I AM ONE TOO..

ANYWAY..

I REALIZED ALSO THAT MY SONS KNEW, THEY, TOO HAD ISSUES SO THEY DID NOT HOLD THINGS AGAINT ME FOR LONGE..

ANYWAY...

ALL FOR NOW..

I WAS JUST GOING TO TOUCH BASE WITH U WHEN I SAW YOUR MESSAGE

AGAIN,,,DO WHAT YOU MUST SO THAT ONE DAYYYYYY U WILL BE ABLE TO REACH OUT TO OTHERS,, 

WHEN THAT DAY COMES U WILL BE ABLE NIT TO JUST DIALOG WITH UR DAUGHTER,,,BUT MORE ABLE TO ACCEPT MOSTA WHAT SHE SAYS THAT WOULD JUST UPSET U..

U KNOW THIS TIME IS NOT A BAD IN THE SENSE THAT U FEEL LIKE U CAN NOT BE THERE FOR HER LIKE U WANT...

BEYOND THIS STATEMENT I HAVE NO MORE WORDS BUT I KNOW THIS TO BE TRU..

SOMETIMES WE CAN NOT UNDERSTAND BECAUSE WE DO NOT NEED TO UNDERSTAD EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW..

IN THE BY & by u willl.

RAiNie

 

 

 

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darcy i dont think the pain ever goes away but in time will ease. to be honest i dont really remember much for the first 8 months I was too dazed griefstricken and confused. Perhaps that is nature's way of helping us distraught parents heal, we somehow make it through the next day and the next until some clarity appears and we can start to take on board our loss. My grief counsellor has been amazing we go through one thing at a time until I have better coping strategies and then onto the next. Sometimes i take a backward step and have to revisit something again until I feel able to cope. as time goes on some of your thoughts change and sometimes they dont and that is ok. each piece of life's awful puzzle has to be examined thought about and placed until a full picture is revealed and that i guess is when some peace in your soul is acheived. I am so not there yet there are still questions and returning thoughts and anxieties of course but i see a small bit of light occasioally shining when before it was all dark.

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This is my take on losing my sons..

when Rocky died.  It was at least 3 years,,,if I can put a time fram,,yet one can not..

then the 5 th year ias I looked back thought "no wonder" for I was "outa my mind with GREIF.  

Then Ronnie died & it started all over except the little strength I HAVE beyond near survival.   I had

some inner strength that rose up from my ashes of destruction to say a BIG NO to going to yet..

another family function,,,a wedding..

my woice was little, not a lotta force behind my physical strength of voice,,

BUT , FORGIVE MY WORDS.  " GOD DAMN IT I AM NOTPUTTING MYSELF IN THE MIDS AND CLUTCHES OF THOES PEOPLE.

rainie

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Darcy,

nothing you say upsets anyone,,if anything it bonds us more together for each one who finds their selves here are walking in each other's shoes in different places and we are like a band of sisters and brothers , family's who have experienced the worse kinda losses.

RAiNiE

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Say how you feel its ok. some people have faith in god others like myself are just spiritual believing there is a link with nature. i think that is why so many parents plant a tree or shrub or have a statue in memory of their child.What ever helps you through another day. i can experience several emotions just in a couple hours it is ok

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we pick a 2 year old apple tree for her as I couldnt put her in her ground so it will grow up with her and it's got her name plack with it so she has a space with other people and children so she play and be happy 

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Everyone should memorialise their children in the way that is most meaingful to them and when they are ready. It is just so tragic that we have to do it i would not wish this pain on anyone and would do anything i could to prevent another family going through this. but we are all strong and we will make it through and somehow find a way to celebrate our children's lives. I have been trying to persuade the university dorms where my son was killed to upgrade their windows so no one can climb out of them but to no avail. I will continue to email them each year on tommy's anniversary date to let them know i still want good to come out of our tragedy.

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No Darcy I dont mind. Tommy moved hid friend into his dorm rooms planning on staying the night there. They all had a party. Tommy's friend got wasted and got into a fight with some other people and tommy broke it up. Later the kid got very depressed and paranoid ? took drugs and climbed out of the window 14 stories up and stood on the ledge threatening to jump. The police were called but could not do anything as the kid was hysterical and would not let anyone near him.Tommy climbed out onto the ledge to comfort him and  finally managed to talk him into coming in. As they were climbing back in the window frame gave way and they both fell. Tommy died of his injuries pretty soon after but his friend survived he fell partly onto Tommy but had severe injuries. He was allowed home after a couple months in the hospital and is with his family.I hope they know how lucky they are to still have their son. i know his friend has survivor guilt. It was a terrible thing but i am so proud of tommy for what he did even though I think it was foolish to risk his own life. The rest of our family have to try to make him proud of us now and honour his memory.

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omg and the uni has done nothing to try and stop this happening again that is terrible. that was a great an powerful thing Tommy done to save his friend there is no way I could have done what he did he was a very brave young man 

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I begged the uni to put window locks on so this can never happen again but they refuse to do it or email me back. I will keep trying though an email costs nothing to send. What Tommy did was incredibly brave being so far up but also very reckless and he paid a terrible price and so did our family. I am very proud of him his story went around the world on the tv and newspapers but i would give anything to have him back again. Google it .  man falls from Hawaii dorm

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Tommy will be remembered for saving his friend's life when no one else could and for his bravery 

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He had an unforgettable cheeky grin too.

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We will always remember those special things about our children. I think we are so lucky to have had them in our lives although it was too brief, and we will honour their memory in the ways we feel best. When my broken ankle is operated on and healed I plan to volunteer at our homeless shelter because Tommy was homeless for a time when he was deep into his drug addiction and away from us, and I think that would be something he would really appreciate. Also it would mean I could give back to others the kindness that was shown to him when he was in need.

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MY DAUGHTER PASSED ON October 4 2016.  She was28 years old and full bloated alcoholic. I understand you even our daughters passes for different reasons. .At the moment I feel like I am living in limbo. neither here or anywhere.  The only time I feel alive is when I start thinking about my daughter and cry and tremble my hands start shaking and tears flow until something distract me.

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so sorry for your loss. Its ok to feel this way it is out of your control and emotions can swing wildly from minute to minute or you feel totally numb. Know you are not alone on this forum people here will read your words feel your pain and try and support you.

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