Loss of mother

[jackson923]

This is my first time visiting this site, and I've spent about an hour reading everyone's stories, and I've got to say.. It has helped me a lot. It has made me feel like I'm not alone, and has validated my feelings.. My mother died 3 weeks ago. She had cirrhosis and emphysema, and has been on oxygen for the past 3 years. About 6 months ago she received a "panic button" so to speak.. a necklace she would wear and if she pressed it, it would send the ambulance to her house. She lived alone, and was doing great. She was happy, making plans, everything was fine. Then when me and my brothers tried calling her one day with no answer, we got worried. She has never been shy about using her 'panic button' before, so we waited a few hours before really panicing. Then my brother went over there and found her on the floor in her living room, unconscious. She went into the critical care unit, was intubated, but neurologists said there was virtually no brain activity.  She wouldn't react to anything. She wouldn't squeeze your hand, wouldn't move.. nothing. Doctors gave her a 3 day window to see if she would improve. After the 3 day window my brothers and I had to make a decision. She did not want to be on life support, so we decided to take her off. She was 61. Every day I miss her more and more. Cleaning out her house was so hard. She had a cat, and the day she passed I went to her house and her cat was walking around the house, crying.. Like she knew. Her birthday was September 6, and to be going through her house on her birthday was surreal. She was my best friend, I talked to her every day. I find myself during the day thinking "I have to tell mom that" then realize I can't. I can't even bring myself to take her out of my phone. I break down every night because I miss her so much, and I feel like it all happened so fast, and I wonder if we made the right decision. I came to this site because I don't know anyone who has lost their mother, and I just feel like I'm going through it alone. My friends are there for me, but they don't know what it's like.  I'm 23 years old, and all I can think about is all the events in my life that she's not going to be there for.. Marriage, kids, etc...

Sorry I've rambled on for so long, I just needed to share my story. And thank yall for sharing yours. It has really helped.

[mofirefly]

Dear jackson923 - How very sorry I am to hear of your loss of your mom.  Coming to this site was like having a life preserver tossed to me when I started posting.  You did not ramble - you can pound out your feelings here as long as there is space...and then some.  I found that putting my feelings down was an emense help.  The void that losing a mom leaves you with is huge.  I lost my mom 4 years ago, and I still keep her cell phone charged - simply because I know it was hers...and once a month when it beeps, I plug it in...sorta of my own private time to gauge how I'm doing since she left this world.  You've experienced a whole lot more than me in that you had to make a very tough decision about life support - I've read other posts on that.  I didn't find these boards until the first year had passed - and I still come here - simply to see that there are sooooo many others who are traveling this rocky road, taking this journey at their own speed and knowing that there are those around them in cyperspace who are being as supportive as possible.  It helped me, like you, feel that I wasn't alone.  All the feelings you have, and will continue to have, are yours to experience - and you will survive.  Please come here as often as you feel necessary - for it is a marvelous place to heal a broken heart.  Do take care!

[socal2010]

Hi - I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I lost mine almost 9 weeks ago so I can relate to your feelings. It feels so overwhelming. This site has been a huge help for me because there are people here who understand how I feel and that's a huge comfort.

Your post reminds me of all the stuff that happened with my Mom in the hospital. It's too much for me to even think about most days. I think a part of me still hopes to wake up from this. Maybe that's why I haven't changed anything in her house yet. I also see all the mail she keeps getting, like catalogs and address labels, and I wish I could show her them. She got some really pretty flower address labels today and I was wishing she could see them. There's so many little things like that that happen throughout the day.

It sounds like you and your brothers are close so that's a blessing. I hope you have a lot of support around you. Remember how we're all every anytime you need to talk. We can all relate to you. Hopefully we can all help each other cope with losing someone so important as our Moms.