Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

0711

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I am so very sorry for your loss. Does it get easier? Yes, in time, but it does take time. The best thing you can do is to keep moving forward and be sure and share with others how you feel. Talk about your pain. Talk about your memories. It's okay to cry as much as you want. 

Don't quit the university. I know it's tough, but keep trying. 

We will be with you,

ModKonnie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
velvettuberose
31 minutes ago, 0711 said:

Hi, 

I lost my 21 year old boyfriend 7 weeks ago in a sudden motorcycle accident whilst he was on holiday in Spain. Im only 19 and It is his 22nd birthday today and the pain is unbearable. We are both young and I feel like Ive lost my future with this boy, we are best friends and I can't understand that he is gone. Does this get any easier? I am in the middle of completing a university degree and I don't feel like I can face any of this without him. I didn't go to see the body because It took 3 weeks to get him home from Spain and he wasn't in a 'viewable' state, and now I regret never kissing him goodbye. I understand that Im still young and everyone tells me I have the rest of my life in front of me and I know thats true, but It breaks me knowing he will never walk this earth and grow old like he should. Ive not found a single person my age who's been through anything similar to this, so I have no idea how this is going to affect the rest of my life. I feel so empty.

Hi,

I feel your pain. I don't have words to express it. There are several people here who lost their loved ones at such an young age. They will respond to you. 

I lost my husband suddenly, but I am 40 years old. Still young...I am almost 8 months into this hell called grief. I can't say it has gotten easier. Grief is like a tsunami. It comes in waves.

Keep reach out to us.

have you considered seeing a grief counselor?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
claribassist13

I won't say that I know how you are feeling, but I think I can say that I can definitely relate to some of the circumstances you are currently facing. 

I am 20 years old, and my fiance passed away, at the age of 19, 8 months ago. He died in a car accident.
We were both enrolled in our local university. I just returned to school this semester after taking the spring semester off. 

I can relate to most everything you have said. I understand how this type of grief is compounded because of our youth. I also understand the pressures that we face because of our age. We are stuck right in the awful middle. We are too young to have enough life experience to handle such a tragedy gracefully, and too young for our grief to be taken seriously by most other adults. Our peers cannot relate to us, and everyone else says we are too young to be hung up on one person. 
Our loved ones were taken away just as their lives were truly beginning, and it is devastating to know that we will likely live our entire lifetimes. We will experience all that they never can, and it's impossible to reconcile that when you wanted to go the majority of life with them. 

I can definitely relate to how you are feeling and what you are thinking. 
I will second the advice of the other members here. I would recommend seeing a grief counselor. If you university offers grief counseling services, I would recommend seeing someone there. They really have some insight not only into grief in general, but they can really address the academic part of it as well. 

I think the biggest advice I can give you is this: take the semester off from school. 
I know that it is probably the last thing you want to do. Maybe you think school will provide you with the distraction you need. Maybe so, if you are lucky. 
I started school 2 weeks after my fiance's death, and only made it about a month before I realized that not dealing with my grief was ultimately negatively affecting my academics and my mental/physical health. I had so deluded myself into thinking that I could distract myself with school that I ended up having a complete breakdown in one of my classes. I had to be escorted by campus security to the university's health services location to see a counselor. 
I don't share this story to garner pity or anything like that, but it is the best example I can use in encouraging you to make your health your priority. 

If you have already started school, it's not too late to withdraw for the semester. There are several people you'll want to talk to beforehand, but it is something I would highly encourage. I continued to work through most of it, but not having the pressure of school was a real benefit. I am able to return to school this semester in a much better place than I was last semester. The great thing about college is that it will always be there. There is no shame in taking a semester off in order to come back ready. The consequences of trying to "tough it out" could negatively impact you far longer than taking a bit longer to graduate ever will. 

So, I kind of rambled a bit. I hope that some of this helps. Most of all, I hope you realize that you are not completely alone. There are many of us in similar situations all trying to figure this out as we go. 

Keep reaching out to us, and do what is best for you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I am so sorry!  I agree with ModKonnie's response as well as the others here.  The pain lessens in time to something more manageable, but it does take quite a while to process their death (it took me about three years of grief work but everyone is different).  

The best advice I can give you is to be very patient and understanding with yourself.  This knocks your brain for a loop the same as head trauma, it blindsides us and leaves us reeling and in a fog.  It's hard to focus, it gets better but I don't think I was ever the same again though.  Just like a brain injury, though, our body learns to compensate...I've learned to reach inside of me to pull from his faith in me, his comfort and encouragement when I needed it and don't feel he's ever 100% gone...he's part of my life forever.

My SIL lost her fiance to an accident when they were in college.  She did eventually marry and have a son.  She never forgot her first love, but she has gone on to have a full and rich life.  Grief is forever but it doesn't stay the same, it evolves.  It's a good thing, none of us could handle that intensity forever.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My condolences, this process is terrible , leaves an empty space in your soul. I am going thru the same losing my fiance.. I am here to talk if you need too. Blessings

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.