Members claribassist13 Posted August 20, 2016 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2016 It seems that in order to anything good to be done, it requires the death of someone. Have you ever noticed how a death in the community can spark a movement that allows things to get done that should have already been done? I suppose that my questions will require a bit of background. I've been a member of this site for a few months now. I'm one who always replies, but this is really my first topic posting. A lot of you already know that my fiance was killed in a car accident, but I've been rather sparing with the details. Unfortunately, I think these details are required in order for my frustration/anger to make sense. Almost 8 months ago my fiance was driving home from work (he was covering a shift for a coworker who was fired). He was about a mile away from his house when his car was hit by a train. The railroad crossing is a passive one, meaning there are no lights or moving arms. but a stop sign. I can't really be more specific as to why the accident happened because we frankly don't know. The police investigation turned up nothing useful. He was the kind of person to race the trains, get distracted, or listen to loud music. A lot of people assume he tried to beat the train, but I know it's not true. There are a lot of things that don't add up in his case, leaving no real answers. His accident garnered a lot of interest in the press. I mean, we had newspapers and TV stations talking to us, his coworkers, and other people for weeks afterwards. Several different news articles were written, there were several sections on the news... It was a huge thing. One thing brought up during all of this (especially while waiting for the coroner's/police reports to be release) was the push to install lights and a moving arm at this particular crossing. Jump forward to today. I learned just hours ago that whatever government agency that is in charge of stuff like just approved the project. Within 2 years lights and moving arms will be installed at the railroad crossing where my fiance lost his life. This approval should seem like a victory. This was something that his family, that I advocated for after his death. It was crazy to us that despite better warning systems that there are still so many passive railroad crossings in my state. Features like flashing lights or moving arms would likely have saved my fiance's life. Now, because of him, no one else will ever have to die at that crossing. It's just such complete bullshit that it took my fiance's death to make it happen. Their approval for these new features is 8 months too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Millie681 Posted August 20, 2016 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2016 First thank you for sharing your story. I know it can't be easy & I am sorry again. It shouldn't take a loved one losing their life to affect change. This was something that should have been done from the beginning to prevent such a loss. It makes no sense that your fiancé isn't here because they didn't do this months or even years ago. Please don't take this the wrong way but you are right in saying that because of him no one else will experience the tragedy & pain you are dealing with. I know that may not bring comfort & it should never have happened in the first place but it may help people in the future. Unfortunately there are many changes that have come from tragedy & loss. It isn't fair that your loved one had to be the one to affect this change but he's giving a chance to others. I'm sorry that I don't have the answer to your question but I felt compelled to reply to you as you are always there for me & many people on here. I wish you peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 20, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted August 20, 2016 Oh God, I am so sorry! You are right, it shouldn't take a death for people to do what is right to start with! My husband died of a heart attack...and needlessly, I might add. He'd been having heart attacks for months and we didn't know it, yet he HAD complained to the doctor of chest pain, shortness of breath, ankle pain, heartburn...all symptoms and his doctor did nothing! We found out the weekend that he was in the hospital, that fateful weekend, that when he'd blacked out six months earlier, totaling his new car, it wasn't Diabetes (which had puzzled him because he could usually feel when his sugar was dropping, and he'd eaten), it was a heart attack in which he had died and the airbag going off gave him a blow to his chest that restarted his heart, giving him another six months to live. Yet STILL his doctor didn't send him to a Cardiologist! By the time we knew, his last weekend, it was too late, his heart was too severely damaged. Had the doctor just done something when he should have, he could be alive with me still! I didn't sue the doctor, but I did schedule a time to talk with him about it and made him promise he would not let another patient die because of lack of referral...this had not been his first one. Why indeed does it take our losing our husbands for someone else to wake up and smell the coffee and do what they should have done to start with? I don't know. I'm sorry claribaswsist13. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2016 On 8/20/2016 at 6:50 AM, Millie681 said: Please don't take this the wrong way but you are right in saying that because of him no one else will experience the tragedy & pain you are dealing with. I know that may not bring comfort & it should never have happened in the first place but it may help people in the future. Unfortunately there are many changes that have come from tragedy & loss. It isn't fair that your loved one had to be the one to affect this change but he's giving a chance to others. I don't take this the wrong way. The news is more bittersweet than anything else. I am angry and horribly sad that it took his death to force change, despite the fact that other have died at this crossing before. However, it's also just like him to do so. He worked as a CNA and was studying to be a doctor. He was the kind of person who had a healing touch and a servant's heart. It would be just like him to save other lives at the expense of his own. I know that he is happy with the news, and I hope that one day I will feel the same way. Maybe by the time the new amenities are put in I'll feel grateful instead of bitter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2016 On 8/20/2016 at 11:42 AM, KayC said: I didn't sue the doctor, but I did schedule a time to talk with him about it and made him promise he would not let another patient die because of lack of referral...this had not been his first one. Why indeed does it take our losing our husbands for someone else to wake up and smell the coffee and do what they should have done to start with? You are a better person than I. I would have sued the doctor, especially if this has happened to other patients of his. I don't think we'll ever have an answer to that question. As they say, hindsight is always 20/20. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 21, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted August 21, 2016 I knew this doctor very well, in fact I worked for him years ago, and I knew his intention was not to harm, but I think he maybe had an over-inflated opinion of his abilities and needed to know when to refer to a specialist. He's not in practice anymore. My goal wasn't to get retribution, but to see change so no one else would suffer what I have & others before me. I think I got through to him. I don't think I'm a better person than you...perhaps I just wasn't as strong at the moment, I didn't feel I had anything left in me to fight, losing my George sucked the wind right out of my sails! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted August 22, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2016 9 hours ago, KayC said: perhaps I just wasn't as strong at the moment, I didn't feel I had anything left in me to fight, losing my George sucked the wind right out of my sails! On the contrary, I believe you would of had to be incredibly strong to do what you do. You chose to forgive, which must have taken an immense amount strength and kindness. I admire that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 22, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted August 22, 2016 I knew this doctor really well, had for many years, so it was easier for me to take the whole of the person and not just see him as a "husband killer". I tried to keep my goal in mind, which was to not let anyone else suffer this way. Perhaps that goal could have been accomplished with a lawsuit just as effectively, but honestly, I just felt too exhausted and overwhelmed with grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted August 22, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2016 You just have to do you. As long as you accomplished your goal, then that's all you can ask for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted August 23, 2016 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2016 Claribassist13, I can only imagine your sadness, anger, and frustration with what happened. And wondering why that equipment wasn't in place before. I believe that railroads and transportation agencies look at sight distance, accident history, and the amount of car and train traffic at a particular grade crossing when looking at installing safety systems. Then there is the cost. In rural Colorado a month or so ago an Amtrak train took out almost a whole family - except for a little girl. Horrible... But only two trains a day use that crossing, so I doubt they will do anything. Ideally every grade crossing would have safety devices, but I am guessing that it would be too expensive. The arms, bells, and lights don't always work, of course, as there are those who drive around the gates. But you're right in what you said. I'm just sorry that it came too late in your case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2016 7 hours ago, Jeff In Denver said: I believe that railroads and transportation agencies look at sight distance, accident history, and the amount of car and train traffic at a particular grade crossing when looking at installing safety systems. Then there is the cost. In rural Colorado a month or so ago an Amtrak train took out almost a whole family - except for a little girl. Horrible... But only two trains a day use that crossing, so I doubt they will do anything. Ideally every grade crossing would have safety devices, but I am guessing that it would be too expensive. The arms, bells, and lights don't always work, of course, as there are those who drive around the gates. But you're right in what you said. I'm just sorry that it came too late in your case. I understand the complexity of the process. What angers me is the fact that this is not the first death at this crossing. When the crossing was originally built the area was rural, but in the last 10 years a lot of people have moved into the area. People are constantly going over that track, and several trains continue to use that track. What angers me is that safety upgrades had not been made and were not even on a list of any sort to be completed. No, they don't work all the time. Equipment failure still happens, but rarely. As for people who drive around the gates, there is nothing you can do at that point to help them. Honestly, I think the only reason anything is being done is because his family and I used the media coverage his death got to advocate for it. Otherwise they probably wouldn't have bothered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 23, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted August 23, 2016 I could be wrong but it seems to me I'd feel worse that no one had bothered putting up equipment than if they'd done so but it had failed. His life was valuable! It was worth doing something for them to try and prevent his or someone else's death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted August 24, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2016 I've really just come to accept the fact that life is not fair, and it makes her a major bitch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Millie681 Posted August 24, 2016 Members Report Share Posted August 24, 2016 On August 21, 2016 at 4:50 PM, claribassist13 said: I don't take this the wrong way. The news is more bittersweet than anything else. I am angry and horribly sad that it took his death to force change, despite the fact that other have died at this crossing before. However, it's also just like him to do so. He worked as a CNA and was studying to be a doctor. He was the kind of person who had a healing touch and a servant's heart. It would be just like him to save other lives at the expense of his own. I know that he is happy with the news, and I hope that one day I will feel the same way. Maybe by the time the new amenities are put in I'll feel grateful instead of bitter. You are so strong to have made these people do the right thing. I love how you described your fiancé he sounds like such a great man. You are just as giving. You help a lot of people & you touch lives. After all you have been through I really hope you get to that place one day of peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 24, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted August 24, 2016 I agree with all Millie said! The world has lost someone giving and caring and it is the world's loss! I only wish you did not have to suffer with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted August 25, 2016 6 hours ago, KayC said: I only wish you did not have to suffer with it. Don't we all wish the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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