mum greatest love broken without mum Lost my heart missing my mum

[Lucylocket1712]

My mum had a cough for a couple of weeks the gp gave antibiotics it was still around a week later so she went back she asked I couldn't have lung cancer could I ? I gave up 9 years ago and was very much a social smoker the gp said no and gave her steroids & an inhaler, that night she phoned and said I have not got lung cancer I said why do you worry so much mum  She was celebrating with a glass of wine I didn't say they can't know this by looking at you ! A week later she calls an ambulance as she can't breathe properly, after 3 different diagnosis over 3 days she was told she had stage 4 lung cancer she aquired pnemonia in those few days no antibiotic would work after 3 weeks of a roller coaster of being discharged with oral antibiotics and no oxygen she was very ill I called an ambulance again temp 40 sats 74 so poorly but she was slowly dying another week in hospital and I took her home to die she suffered with terrible anxiety and panic all her life, morphine and midzlapan was not at the right dose, her last words to me 12 hours before dying was what the hells gone wrong. The following evening she died in my arms at 67 years of age and a very short time to take in what was happening. That was almost 10 weeks ago my life is filled with feelings of such distress over how scared she was, not being able to get her the level of care. I miss her more each day. It feels like I'm falling apart inside. I would give anything for one more hug and cuddle. I never imagined how or thought about her not being with me we did everything together. I scared where she is now is There life after death is she scared. It terrifies me I might die like that. I often told her when she worried you could have another 30 years yet mum stop worrying . I feel so guilty I was so wrong . 

[ModKonnie]

I am so very sorry about your loss. I am also sorry your mother was so scared. My father was afraid to die. He panicked, he freaked out, and it was hard to watch. He cried, but in the end, he came to a peace. He suffered terribly, and I think he was glad to get some rest. I have no doubt my father is enjoying the rewards of the afterlife. Perhaps a talk with a spiritual adviser could calm some of your fears about what has happened to your mother. 

I understand about being afraid to die like your mom. I do not want to suffer like my dad or my mother in law. So, I get that. Feeling guilty, afraid, angry, lonely, bitter, nervous, anxious, sad, and everything else you can think of is perfectly normal when someone profound in your life dies. 

Talking is the best way to heal. So, talk to everyone who will listen about your mom and how you feel. Keep talking, crying and whatever else you feel. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

[Lucylocket1712]

7 hours ago, ModKonnie said:

I am so very sorry about your loss. I am also sorry your mother was so scared. My father was afraid to die. He panicked, he freaked out, and it was hard to watch. He cried, but in the end, he came to a peace. He suffered terribly, and I think he was glad to get some rest. I have no doubt my father is enjoying the rewards of the afterlife. Perhaps a talk with a spiritual adviser could calm some of your fears about what has happened to your mother. 

I understand about being afraid to die like your mom. I do not want to suffer like my dad or my mother in law. So, I get that. Feeling guilty, afraid, angry, lonely, bitter, nervous, anxious, sad, and everything else you can think of is perfectly normal when someone profound in your life dies. 

Talking is the best way to heal. So, talk to everyone who will listen about your mom and how you feel. Keep talking, crying and whatever else you feel. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

Thank you for your reply, I have found a number for a spiritualist and I think your suggestion is a good one I'm hoping it will give me some peace . 

I also hope that a law is passed before my time comes so that if I'm terminally ill I can say my good byes and be kindly put to sleep to meet my maker . 

Every day is so long without her I really find it so hard to accept she is really gone for ever.

Modkonnie I am grateful for your reply it's been 10 weeks today and I feel that my husband & grown up children don't understand why I'm still upset I cry myself to sleep and talk to no one now, except you xx

[Lucylocket1712]

Modkonnie I am sorry to hear your Dad was distressed like my Mum it just awful your heart breaks in two for them, I think the release from it although breaks our hearts they are gone we know deep inside it is the best for them, my Mum cried and begged for God to take her she said it was hell on earth this was just the day before she died. I'm glad your Dad is at peace I do so hope my Mum is too. Xx

[ModKonnie]

Thank you! Yes, it was a relief for all of us, mostly them, when God decided to take him. When I am really missing my dad, I try to just sit still and listen and focus, and I feel as though I can sense his presence and his love. I often imagine him sitting in his favorite chair smiling and talking. I hope you will be able to remember your mom with smiles and even laughs one day. For now, just take it a day at a time. 

ModKonnie

[Tochter]

LucyLocket, you had a very traumatic event happening to you. What your mom went through sounds familiar. My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer only two months ago. A couple of days ago she already died. Years of faulty healthcare decisions cost my mom her life. Years of misdiagnosis enabled the cancer within to spread quickly. I suspect in the end the cancer traveled to her lungs, she too got pneumonia and I remember the doctors telling her that the lungs were all white on an xray. She was on oxygen roughly 2 weeks before she passed. To the last day I did not give up hope and I think even though she knew this illness was terminal she too still had hope off and on that perhaps she could enjoy a little more of her life. It is very disheartening to watch a person having to go through this. I too witnessed this: her incredibly labored breathing for over 10 hours until I thought insanity would set in and we called an ambulance. I was not strong enough to witness it any longer. It is very traumatic to be in such a situation indeed and I am totally emphasizing with you here because I know exactly what a hell you must have been going through.

If there is real humanity out there we should be allowed to go when we want to and how we want to. I myself would not want to suffer so horribly and I would also not want to watch someone I love suffer so horribly, especially when the knowledge exists that this poor person has no chance of beating the disease. I am a supporter of assisted suicide in such cases, even though some think that is inhumane I think it is the exact opposite. 

[Lucylocket1712]

11 hours ago, Tochter said:

LucyLocket, you had a very traumatic event happening to you. What your mom went through sounds familiar. My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer only two months ago. A couple of days ago she already died. Years of faulty healthcare decisions cost my mom her life. Years of misdiagnosis enabled the cancer within to spread quickly. I suspect in the end the cancer traveled to her lungs, she too got pneumonia and I remember the doctors telling her that the lungs were all white on an xray. She was on oxygen roughly 2 weeks before she passed. To the last day I did not give up hope and I think even though she knew this illness was terminal she too still had hope off and on that perhaps she could enjoy a little more of her life. It is very disheartening to watch a person having to go through this. I too witnessed this: her incredibly labored breathing for over 10 hours until I thought insanity would set in and we called an ambulance. I was not strong enough to witness it any longer. It is very traumatic to be in such a situation indeed and I am totally emphasizing with you here because I know exactly what a hell you must have been going through.

If there is real humanity out there we should be allowed to go when we want to and how we want to. I myself would not want to suffer so horribly and I would also not want to watch someone I love suffer so horribly, especially when the knowledge exists that this poor person has no chance of beating the disease. I am a supporter of assisted suicide in such cases, even though some think that is inhumane I think it is the exact opposite. 

Touchter . Thank you for sharing I really feel for you :/( after just a couple of days I was just in auto pilot . Taking the time to post to me is much appreciated .

I find it comforting to chat to others who have shared the same heart breaking experience who can really understand what we have and are going through.

i too cannot entertain the idea of having to struggle to the bitter end with a terminal illness when there are more humane ways to put patients out of their suffering.

im not really sure my mum ever really thought even after diagnosis that her life we be over so very quickly and she would not have have a family outing together meal anything really.

I hope they are in a better place.

sending a big heart felt hug your way . Lucy xX