Feeling hopeless after losing both parents

[NikkiJ]

I'm new to this so I'm not really sure how all this works but I found this website and thought maybe this could help me get some things off my chest.  

When I was 13 years old I lost my Mom suddenly to a brain aneurysm. It was the hardest thing that I ever went through and it took me a while to get passed the fact that she was gone and wasn't coming back. At such a young age it was a difficult concept to grasp and I don't think I really learned to live with it until a few years ago when I saw a therapist. During those years my Dad and I grew so close, being the youngest of seven I was his little princess and he was my world.  Fast forward a little over eleven years and here I am today at 25 years old and I just said goodbye to my Dad. He had colon cancer and fought hard over the past year and a half to beat it but it just got the best of him and on July 4th I said my final goodbye.  I was with him every step of the way and took care of him full time while he was on hospice at home. I'm so very happy he is no longer suffering because over the last 6 months he was in pretty bad shape and the last 3 weeks he was on hospice at home he was just not himself at all.  It broke my heart taking care of him and seeing him so sick, especially because he was such a strong man. 

I sit here today absolutely hopeless and wondering how I am going to put my life back together.  I don't know anyone my age that has lost both of their parents so its not like I can talk to anyone I know personally. I just need someones help to tell me that it will be ok and that I will get through this.  I don't want to be lost for years again like I was when my Mom passed, I think of how sad and depressed I was and I don't want to go back to that. Please if anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

 

Nikki

 

[Lauryn]

Hi Nikki, 

I am truly sorry for your loss. I too lost my Dad recently. He was my rock, my world, my everything. I thankfully still have my mom around. These past couple of months have been very hard for me as my Dad and I were closer than ever and his death was unexpected. I do have a hard time coping. I seek a lot of comfort in my friends and family. Although, my family does not live as close as I would want them to. So at times I rely on my friends. None of them can really understand but they do try. I often find myself in a similar situation. I don't really know anyone who understands, and I am in my early 20s. I do want to tell you that there are ups and downs but it does get a little easier after awhile. If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm more than happy to be that person. I hope you seek comfort in the days that come and again I am truly sorry for your loss. 

[Nabs]

Good morning, Its been one year and eight months since I lost my dad, and one year and ten months since I have lost my mom and nineteen years since I have lost my brother. I had a very tumultuous childhood, my brother was to me my only real connection to this world. With him I felt like I belonged somewhere. I sadly was not allowed to grieve his loss. My mother decided that part of her rain of terror I was never allowed to express feelings and all these years later I had felt the loss but have learnt how to efficiently hide it under a cloak of getting on with life. Fifteen years ago I met my now late parents, who were technically my new in laws. And for the first time in my life I found unconditional love and acceptance. We had the closest bond ever. Over the years they have been part of my joys and sorrows always being my rock, support and safe haven. They just loved. They gave me a sense of security and stability. And when they both suddenly passed away within two months of each other I hit a brick wall of inexplicable, rampaging emotions, moods and paralysis that I just cannot fix. In the first year I made life altering changes, I quit my job that I loved as I felt that it was as a result of that job that I hadn't spent enough time with them in the end. Now they are gone and I have this amazing legacy of the most amazing examples of how to be a wonderful parent and how much they loved me and /I'm stuck. I am watching my life dissipate in front of my eyes as I withdraw and I feel completely incapacitated,I watch my kids and always being super responsible and prioritizing them I see how I am letting them down with my present absence. How do you navigate past the pain? How do you find who you are when you are paralyzed by your own existence? I am currently unemployed, saw a grief counselor for three sessions and financially my family needs me to get it together but I am failing to do so. What do /I do?

[Butterfly 789]

I, too, lost both of my parents. My dad died 6 years ago and mom died 2 weeks ago. Both died in the month of October. Everyone is telling me that it’ll get better. I do not really think that it will ever get better. I feel that I am an orphan now- no new memories, no nothing anymore. I am amazed how the world keeps turning and everything is unchanged, but for me, my life will never be the same again. I feel jealous of my friends who have both parents. Isn’t that horrible?! I would honestly give anything to have even one of my parents back. There are days I just sob all day and days where I just feel nauseous and numb. Can someone help me? I am an only child and have lost my world.

[TinaM]

Butterfly789, my heart breaks for you. I lost my mom 2 months ago, she was my world. I lost my father 17 years ago, but my parents were divorced and I didn't see him much. I have a brother, but we don't talk to it's like I'm an only child. Like you, I am also sometimes jealous of people around who still have their mom. I cry every time I see someone post anything about their mom. This loss has left such a hole in my heart. I'm around people daily between work and home, but I still feel so lonely. I cry daily, I feel sick all the time, I'm not myself. My mom's sister and two brothers have both gone back to their normal lives like nothing happened, they don't even call or text to check in on us (by us, I mean me, my daughter who is 12, and my nephew who is 16 and now lives with me because he lived with my mom before she passed away and basically lost his mother as well). I wish there was a magic wand that could bring her back, or at least take away this pain. The only thing that helps is thinking about her, talking about her, laughing about her. I still talk to her as if she is here. I pray that you will find some comfort as well. 

[PatriciaEileen]

I lost my father on December 22, 2016 and yesterday not even 24 hours ago my mom passed away at the hospital after being removed from life support. I lost both parents 11 months apart, and both right before a holiday.

I can't even put into words how much pain I'm in right now over the loss of my dear mother. I feel so lost and so sad. 

She had heart failure on Sunday late night followed by an acute heart attack Monday morning. The hospital had to bring her back to life just to get her into open heart surgery on Tuesday morning. She never recovered from the surgery because of the extreme critical condition she was in before heading into surgery. She lived with me the last few years because she had some central vision loss and I would take her to her dr appointments and take her shopping etc. She could still take care of herself but I didn't like her being by herself because she was legally blind. Now her things are all over my house causing me to break down. I laid in her bad for an hour last night to feel close to her.

I'm glad I was able to be there as she left this world holding her hand and telling her how much I loved her. I told her to go take care of grand mom (her mother who is dead) and told her that I'll be seeing her one day again.

It was so hard, but she was surrounded by people who loved her as she took her last breath in the hospital, and there aren't a lot of people who have that luxury when they die.

Sorry I'm babbling but I just don't know how to express what I'm feeling right now.

PS.

My forum name is my mom's name Patricia Eileen.