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Lost my 57 Year Old Dad in ICU


RobertAH

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1.5 Months ago I lost my young Dad at 57 years of age, after a long and unexpected battle in Intensive care (4 months). 

He was unexpectently rushed to hospital late February with difficulty breathing. No prior health issues and generally a fit and healthy man. 

I am 24. To loose my Dad at such young age has been so hard on me, I'm finding very difficult to carry out daily tasks in life. 

I still question the reasons my Dad died and for some reason I feel that the ICU team just gave up on my Dad in the end because it was so long. 

By the time I got to the hospital he was already intubated and heavily sedated, they said he had severe bacterial pneumonia and his heart was showing signs of enlargement. They said he was very sick. Which was a total shock to me because he was generally fine before. 

They eventually diagnosed him with HypotropicCardiomyopathy which was causing the fluid to build up on his lungs and in turn causing the pneumonia. He eventually had a tracheostomy placed after two months which was when he finally started to improve a little. He eventually regained conciseness which was a blessing for me because he hadn't seen me at the hospital at all. He was fully mentally award but incredibly weak and unable to talk due to the tracheostomy. 

From that point on he had ups and downs but ultimately the pneumonia would clear and then return. His heart never improved really, they had him on inotropes for the duration of his stay. 

On the day that he died I was by his side. He never woke up and went very peacefully. The Doctors told me that he went himself but I know enough about medicine to doubt that. about 15mins before he passed they stopped the infusion of his inotropes and reduced his ventilator settings right down to 5% which allowed him to die. A few weeks before I was told that a DNR was placed on his file. apparently here in Ireland family do not have to give consent for s DNR and it's a doctors decision. In the end I was just mentally exchanged from my endless battle with the hospital to do more for my Dad and I ultimately feel they let him die in the end. 

Why didn't they do anything for his cardiomyopathy, why didn't they offer any other treatment plans ? Why did they withdraw care towards the end, why did they place a DNR on his file. 

I'm taking this very hard and it's a very lonely battle :-(

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Hi RobertAH , sorry for your loss and that you lost him at such a young age. It's heartbreaking losing a parent, there are no words to take away the pain. One year has past since I lost my mum and I still am a mess. She was my only friend and I feel so lost.

We can't always control the choices the medical professionals make , is it possible for you to find out why from his treating doctor. At least it may help you understand. 

Be easy on yourself and take it a day at a time . Sorry I'm not much comfort,  but know your not alone. 

Hugs Lisa 

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Hi Robert,

I am sorry for your loss. I too lost my father, he was 53, and I am 22. My Dad also went into the hospital unexpectedly. I thought he would make it out but within 48 hours of being admitted he passed away. He also went into the ICU and we were told to sign a DNR because "we would only be prolonging his suffering." I often find myself asking similar questions, just a bunch of why's but my mom says I'm silly. Why he wasn't on oxygen? Why no one knew certain things in his chart? Why the doctors kept saying he would be fine? Why no one was keeping a proper eye on him? Why he was so heavily sedated? Sometimes I even think maybe if we had taken him to a different hospital he would still be here. 

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Lottie_Lulu

My dad had a DNR on his file which he was insistent on, but he was suffering from mental illness and dementia and he had such a determination to keep living that I honestly think he didn't know what he was saying. There were many things I wondered about, he was in ICU and needed oxygen but he frequently pulled it off and the nurse never thought to put it back on or didn't realise. They offered him kidney dialysis despite him being 85 and in the throes of final stage heart failure. It seemed a bizarre thing to offer. At the end I wondered about his medication as he was taking so many pills everyday for his heart but  but at the end they stopped almost all of them. I wondered if that killed him. I was fortunate enough to go and talk to his consultant after he passed away and asked her every medical question. I was surprised at her answers, that they don't give medication if the patient can't manually take it themselves, that they make them comfortable and there is a point where they only give pain relief so the patient is in that lovely state when you're about to fall fast asleep. They do know when there is no point in continuing, when keeping them on their medication would do more harm than good. I think it's a very fine line, and we're not told everything, and we have to trust they did the right thing. Nothing you've said makes me think they tried to hurry his death along. The consultant was brilliant and just made me realise that all the things I saw as a layman that I thought were them trying to murder him where in fact just what was best for him.

x

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