Kitty gone

[Harleymom]

My boyfriend and I had to have our 13 year old tortie put to rest on 7/11/16.  I only had her for 2 years- he had her for 13 and she was his cat.  I got so attached to her.  She had vomitting about once a month over the last couple years.  He didn't t think anything of it- just that she ate too fast.  On 3/11/16, she was diagnosed with GI lymphoma.  My heart sank.  The vet said she was pretty far gone with the disease.  I tried everything- I fed her nutritionally- my boyfriend supported all my efforts.  I gave supplements and she got Prednisolone.  He didn't want to do chemo and I agreed with that.  I thought I could fix her.... that darn cancer won.    He made the decision to put her to rest that day.  The prior weekend she was doing poorly, but she appeared to rally on the day of her death.  She was eating, but he didn't want her to be yo-yo'd anymore.  She would either be throwing up or lethargic and not eating when she was on the Prednisolone.    I am having a hard time because I don't know if we threw in the towel on her??   This is one of the most painful experiences of my life.  I was intimately caring for her the last 4 months.  She would get me up at 3 a.m. to feed her.  She would wap me with her tail.  Now, she's gone...  

[KayC]

I am so sorry you lost your cat.  I lost my "King George" to cancer a few years ago, I know what a losing battle that is.  He was 19, and I know he had a good life, but still, we're never ready for this.  I still miss him like it was yesterday.

Guilt is something that hits us when we're grieving, we second guess ourselves and question everything that happened.  It's a normal part of grief and hard to get through.  W#e know we love them and would do anything we could for them but sometimes other considerations factor in...lack of money, finding out too late, not wanting to see them suffer especially to assuage us.  These are all very real considerations that we have to take into account.  

I have a dog with cancer and I've elected not to put him through chemo.  I am cooking for him (he was 140 lbs but is not about 120, which is close to his goal weight) and giving him supplements and hope that helps him live to his optimum, he's unable to tolerate dogfood, even gastrointestinal dogfood prescribed by the vet.  I love him more than anything in the world and I know when he does go, I am going to be grappling with the same questions as you, it's just part of the grief.  He's Golden Retriever (life span 9 years) and Siberian Husky (lifespan 10-12 years) and is currently 8 1/2.  I am hoping he'll get a couple of more years at least.  We don't get to determine how long they'll live, but we do get to have a say in their quality of life.  I believe when they reach a point where they no longer have quality of life, it's time to make the decision to do what is best for them...not us.  I have seen people keep their animals alive way past when they should have, for themselves, not for their animal, and they suffered for it...both of them.

These routines that we had are super triggers when they are no more.  My King George was my greeter.  He'd lay on the porch swing, and greet me at the driveway when I got home from work.  As he aged, he'd greet me on the patio.  Finally, as he got older yet, I'd see the top of the porch swing moving when I got to the patio, and I knew he'd jumped down and was making his way towards me.  I missed that when he was gone, it made it hard to come home for a long while as it just wasn't the same.

I'm so sorry for your loss and for all you are going through.  I think it's all the harder to lose them when we have been their caregiver in an intimate way.

As someone in the loss of partner section quoted, "Grief is love inside out."  It sure feels like it.

 

[Harleymom]

Thank you so much.  Your kind words are very soothing.  Yes, I agree it's harder to lose them when we have been caregiving for them.

I am sorry about your loss as well.  I understand not wanting to come home.  I felt that way too because our cat would greet us on coming home.  

I am also terribly sorry about your dog with cancer.  Cooking for him is probably the best thing you can do for him.   You know I am on an e-mail list from Dr. Karen Becker, a holistic vet who has a book on homemade diets for dogs and cats.  I don't  have it, but your saying that you cook for him reminded me of this.

Thanks again and I will keep you and your dog in my prayers.

Lisa

 

 

 

 

[KayC]

Thank you so much, Lisa.  I got a lot of information from a friend who makes her dog's food (he had cancer too, he's since passed away).  Her dog was Golden Retriever and lived a couple years past diagnosis and was 12 when he died.  Average lifespan for Golden is 9 nowadays so I think her dog did better for her cooking for him.  It helps us to know we are doing everything humanly possible for them.  I have some other friends that had two dogs under two with cancer, they went through chemo, one lost a leg, within months was dead in spite of it.  I'm not sure chemo always works.  I think because they opened him up may be why it spread.  I'm of the mind to leave well enough alone and just give them the best care you can.  We'll see.

[Harleymom]

I agree.  We didn't want to do chemo for our cat because, although they say cats do better on it than dogs, we didn't know what it would do to her quality of life.  In humans it is quite devastating although if done with holistic supplements could be less bad.

At any rate, I pray your dog does well.  I agree- I need to do my very best for my pets! 

 

God bless,

Lisa

[KayC]

Right now I'm dealing with my friend dying of very aggressive cancer, she's been given a week to live.  Two months out from first diagnosis, she had 6 1/2 hour surgery, it'd spread throughout her body, tumor came back quickly, won't respond to chemo.  It's hard for me to believe, we've been friends for about 37 years.

[Harleymom]

Oh, gee, I am so incredibly sorry!  Cancer is such a monster of a disease.  Do you have support groups to go to?  I am so so sorry- I am praying for your friend and for you and all her loved ones too.

 

Lisa

[KayC]

Thanks!  No, I don't have a support group, I live in the country and can't drive at night.  I have belonged to a griefhealing site for 11 years and try to  help by reading each and every post and responding to the ones that need it, so I'm pretty versed in grief.  If I need to, I'll start a thread there but loss is pretty familiar with.  I've lost my grandparents, parents, husband, dogs, cats, and now it's starting on my friends.

[Harleymom]

I am sorry.  I am so sorry about your husband.  My heart genuinely goes out to you.

 

You are in my prayers.

May God bless you richly.

[forhim7]

My heart breaks for you all.  I have lost my parents, my husband, all aunts, uncles, my first husband (my children's father), my dog Alex, and now my dog Gracie!  I am sick of loss!!!!!

[KayC]

forhim7,

I'm sorry you lost your dog, Gracie.  I dreamed about my Miss Mocha last night, I dreamed a cat sneaked into my house when I opened the door and when I looked, it was her!  She didn't look real well and had a respiratory infection so I was going to take her to the vet, but I was so happy she was back!  Then I woke up.

Of course I know she won't be back but it's hard to accept, I just didn't expect to lose her all of a sudden when she seemed so well, I thought we had years left yet.