Members Jeff In Denver Posted July 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 I know that the title isn't really that, but I think this applies to a much wider audience. It's actually a little funny in parts, but I think he makes some good points. At 2:35 he gives some constructive suggestions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 15, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 Good points! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted July 15, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 I thought you would like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Millie681 Posted July 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 Thank you for this! This is perfect! I actually dealt with this today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members velvettuberose Posted July 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 Actually, I liked it. But what defines a religious person? What defines a spiritual person? And, in the end, what defines an atheist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 15, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 I don't think it matters if you're religious or not, most of us don't like hearing the platitudes, they're inappropriate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members velvettuberose Posted July 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 Yes, they are...very much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 Having to deal with stupid things like this makes me so angry. I just began telling people what I thought of their platitudes. I essentially told them all to **** off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 16, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 That's what I meant when I said I really grew some moxie when my George died. It's important to stand up for ourselves and I'm all about educating others...I try to do it in a way so as not to totally alienate them, but by the same token, I'm not accepting their barrage of garbage either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Parachute Posted July 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 I am now hopeful that my friends will follow the advice I have given for years when they talk with me during my grieving...just express your love and offer support if called upon, Skip the platitudes. There is a time for advice...but most of us who are grieving just need the love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Parachute Posted July 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 I am a believer in Messiah...but I certainly understand this man's objection to thoughtless and insensitive comments. I stood guard during my wife's illness to escort unwise visitors away if they became too verbose. In the aftermath, I find I can tolerate a limited amount of blather, but often practice steering folk toward other topics. i am spending time with friends who have experienced similar losses - but who are recovering and even rebuilding. spent Monday night with a couple who had each lost a spouse...but who now have built a new relationship together. They have credibility with me because they have each experienced what I have. Martha's deceased husband was a Fire Chief...and a good friend to me some years back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 One of my fiance's best friends called me up about three months after his accident to tell me that (despite the fact that we had been together for over 2 and a half years) I should be glad he was dead because this friend didn't think that we would last. Not only do we have platitudes to deal with, then we just have some real jerks out there. I just don't understand why people decide to open their mouths at all sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 16, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 claribassist, Oh wow! That would have left me speechless and that doesn't happen very often! I think I would have just hung up and then blocked his number. Don't need that! What a jerk, for sure! Parachute, You are wise to steer towards other topics...when that works. Why is it when we become widowed, people think they can tell us what to do? I had a sister that kept telling me I needed to sell my house and move to Portland. I told her she's a city girl, I'm a country girl, I prefer to look at nature and wildlife than to concrete and traffic. Nevertheless, she harped and harped at me about it. Finally, after months of this, I told her, "Tell you what, Polly, when your husband dies, I'll tell YOU what to do!" It finally shut her up. Some people don't take tactful subtle hints, you have to hit them over the head with a hammer for them to get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 1 hour ago, KayC said: claribassist, Oh wow! That would have left me speechless and that doesn't happen very often! I think I would have just hung up and then blocked his number. Don't need that! What a jerk, for sure! Parachute, You are wise to steer towards other topics...when that works. Why is it when we become widowed, people think they can tell us what to do? I had a sister that kept telling me I needed to sell my house and move to Portland. I told her she's a city girl, I'm a country girl, I prefer to look at nature and wildlife than to concrete and traffic. Nevertheless, she harped and harped at me about it. Finally, after months of this, I told her, "Tell you what, Polly, when your husband dies, I'll tell YOU what to do!" It finally shut her up. Some people don't take tactful subtle hints, you have to hit them over the head with a hammer for them to get it. I had to process his comment for several days before I replied. I simply could not believe that he would ever say such a thing like that. I left the lines of communication open because I would like to be able to fix things between us. He has yet to contact me, so I will just let it be. He refuses to acknowledge that what he said was truly awful. He think he was doing me a favor. He said he owed it to my fiance to make sure I was okay. Yep. He was sure helpful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Millie681 Posted July 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 6 hours ago, claribassist13 said: One of my fiance's best friends called me up about three months after his accident to tell me that (despite the fact that we had been together for over 2 and a half years) I should be glad he was dead because this friend didn't think that we would last. Not only do we have platitudes to deal with, then we just have some real jerks out there. I just don't understand why people decide to open their mouths at all sometimes. Wow I just don't understand people's thought process. How was the comment supposed to be helpful ? I am sorry that even happened to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 14 hours ago, Millie681 said: Wow I just don't understand people's thought process. How was the comment supposed to be helpful ? I am sorry that even happened to you. I still don't understand it. He said it should help me not feel bad about the future I was going to miss out on because he didn't think we would have one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members green7 Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 2 hours ago, claribassist13 said: I still don't understand it. He said it should help me not feel bad about the future I was going to miss out on because he didn't think we would have one. Claribassist, I would've punch him in the face! I just don't understand how people can be so stupid. I know people means well, but sometimes they're better off not saying anything at all. The other day one friend told me that one year from now I'm going to be laughing at this, and that's why I isolate myself sometimes. Nobody understands how we feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 30 minutes ago, green7 said: Claribassist, I would've punch him in the face! I just don't understand how people can be so stupid. I know people means well, but sometimes they're better off not saying anything at all. The other day one friend told me that one year from now I'm going to be laughing at this, and that's why I isolate myself sometimes. Nobody understands how we feel. I was absolutely shocked when he said that to me. It took me a whole 2 days to process what he had said to me before I even responded. Laughing at this? Laughing at losing the love of our lives? I fail to see how many of this is humorous. I am so sorry that you have to deal with stupid people as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members velvettuberose Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 On 7/16/2016 at 0:15 AM, claribassist13 said: One of my fiance's best friends called me up about three months after his accident to tell me that (despite the fact that we had been together for over 2 and a half years) I should be glad he was dead because this friend didn't think that we would last. Not only do we have platitudes to deal with, then we just have some real jerks out there. I just don't understand why people decide to open their mouths at all sometimes. Because they have the impression they know everything. In fact, they are clueless. In fact, I don't wish this kind of pain to anyone, but sometimes people should experience such traumatic events , so they know what the heck they are talking about. Tell you you should be glad he was dead???!!! I am sorry, but that is very cruel. You should have told that person to shut the h...up. And his best friend???!!!! People are so dense sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Millie681 Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 10 hours ago, claribassist13 said: I still don't understand it. He said it should help me not feel bad about the future I was going to miss out on because he didn't think we would have one. It's better not say anything at all. Don't people get that they only hurt us more with these comments? They think they are helping ? Those who have never experienced what we are going through will never understand the pain their negative words bring to us. They think they're helping & they only make it worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Krantz Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 I'm so blown away that someone would say something like that and especially the "best friend". I agree with velvettuberose, unless you experience a tramatic loss, some people truly don't understand what you're going through. Keep your head up and ignore those who put you down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 5 hours ago, velvettuberose said: Because they have the impression they know everything. In fact, they are clueless. In fact, I don't wish this kind of pain to anyone, but sometimes people should experience such traumatic events , so they know what the heck they are talking about. Tell you you should be glad he was dead???!!! I am sorry, but that is very cruel. You should have told that person to shut the h...up. And his best friend???!!!! People are so dense sometimes. It's so true! People think they knew exactly what our relationship was, but there are many things I have chosen to share and others that I will never share. I would never wish this pain on anyone either, but that also comes with having to deal with people to who think they know. It's a pretty crappy trade-off at times. Yeah... I was shocked. This best friend hung out with us a lot one month last year (after we had already been dating for over 2 years) and then decided that we would never make it. There is a lot of other stuff that was said, and it just proves how ignorant he is on how relationships can and should work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 4 hours ago, Millie681 said: It's better not say anything at all. Don't people get that they only hurt us more with these comments? They think they are helping ? Those who have never experienced what we are going through will never understand the pain their negative words bring to us. They think they're helping & they only make it worse. I'm not sure why anyone in their right mind would think it was okay to tell someone they should be glad their loved one is dead. It's not only negative, it's just downright wrong to say. He doesn't think he did anything wrong though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 4 hours ago, Krantz said: I'm so blown away that someone would say something like that and especially the "best friend". I agree with velvettuberose, unless you experience a tramatic loss, some people truly don't understand what you're going through. Keep your head up and ignore those who put you down. I told him if he wanted to patch things up that I would be willing to listen to him. He has yet to contact me and it's been about 4 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Parachute Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 1 hour ago, claribassist13 said: I told him if he wanted to patch things up that I would be willing to listen to him. He has yet to contact me and it's been about 4 months. Find some better friends. I just heard from my friends in Sula, MT...good folk and pretty country. If ever go north on US 90 from ID they rent 2 nice cabins near the Bitterroot River. A float trip might be a good experience for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 17, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 18 hours ago, claribassist13 said: The other day one friend told me that one year from now I'm going to be laughing at this I kind of doubt it, more like shaking your head at it! Just show how clueless people can be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Millie681 Posted July 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 17, 2016 7 hours ago, claribassist13 said: I'm not sure why anyone in their right mind would think it was okay to tell someone they should be glad their loved one is dead. It's not only negative, it's just downright wrong to say. He doesn't think he did anything wrong though. That isn't someone you need around you. It's negative & cruel. They aren't in their right mind for sure. What are people thinking ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 18, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 10 hours ago, Parachute said: Find some better friends. I just heard from my friends in Sula, MT...good folk and pretty country. If ever go north on US 90 from ID they rent 2 nice cabins near the Bitterroot River. A float trip might be a good experience for you. Lol, I might have to consider it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 18, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 5 hours ago, Millie681 said: That isn't someone you need around you. It's negative & cruel. They aren't in their right mind for sure. What are people thinking ?? I agree! So for what he was thinking, I have no idea. I never will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.