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Forever His x

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Forever His x

i just need to talk really , type whats going on in my head . 

i have decided to go and visit extended family with my family up the country who live 2 hours away this weekend , to try and just get out of our house and the same four walls . 
we lived with my parents and brother and we have a son together , ive done the normal stuff gone for walks with baby and gone shops when i need to , but to do this i feel like im such a horrible person that i sort of " want " to go up there to just get away for the weekend i know i wont get away from my head or whats happened but just the area and to see different faces , theres my cousins there also who havent seen baby since he was 8 weeks his now 15 months but were in contact all the time , so now ive finally made the choice to go visit i feel that i shouldnt and i should just sit in my house feeling the way i feel now , i think it will also help me with making the decision on whether to stay or move but ahhh i just wish i had him and none of this even mattered !!  i know it doesnt make any sense but my head is just a mess so needed to get it out somewhere . 

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claribassist13

One of the unfortunate parts of grief that no one ever talks about it how your life is truly not your own for a long time afterwards. 

We lose all motivation to do the things that we used to love and/or enjoy. We take no pleasure in the small things we use to, because we realize now that none of it matters in the slightest. How can we do any of the things we normally do when the most important person in our world has been cruelly ripped from us? How can anything else ever matter again? It becomes so hard to even function basically. It hurts to breathe, to think, to feel. It's almost impossible to get out of bed in the morning, impossible to care about showering or making yourself presentable. How can you care about getting to work on time?

Yes, grief really does overtake us. But know that what you are feeling is completely normal. However, I doubt that your partner would have wanted you to live the rest of your life as a shut in. He would want you to live the life that he can't live anymore. It's hard, and as in all things, it has to get worse before it can get better. 

Enjoy the weekend with your parents! Take some time to let your family love on you and your kid!

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On July 11, 2016 at 5:19 PM, claribassist13 said:

One of the unfortunate parts of grief that no one ever talks about it how your life is truly not your own for a long time afterwards. 

We lose all motivation to do the things that we used to love and/or enjoy. We take no pleasure in the small things we use to, because we realize now that none of it matters in the slightest. How can we do any of the things we normally do when the most important person in our world has been cruelly ripped from us? How can anything else ever matter again? It becomes so hard to even function basically. It hurts to breathe, to think, to feel. It's almost impossible to get out of bed in the morning, impossible to care about showering or making yourself presentable. How can you care about getting to work on time?

Yes, grief really does overtake us. But know that what you are feeling is completely normal. However, I doubt that your partner would have wanted you to live the rest of your life as a shut in. He would want you to live the life that he can't live anymore. It's hard, and as in all things, it has to get worse before it can get better. 

Enjoy the weekend with your parents! Take some time to let your family love on you and your kid!

This is so beautiful. I absolutely agree with everything Clari said here. One of the hardest parts of loss, apart from the loss itself and the subsequent loneliness, is the feeling of guilt during the fleeting moments when things feel a little closer to normal. You have every right to take a break, to be happy and enjoy the company of your family and friends; likewise, you have every right to stay home when you need to, too, and to grieve for whatever length of time feels right to you.

Lots of love to you. I hope your weekend is beautiful and that you make lots of wonderful memories on your trip.

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I agree too.  It's easy to stay in our comfort zone (home) but sometimes it helps to get out and among others that would be supportive and loving of us.  I hope you get away and can find some respite.

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Forever His x

Thankyou to everyone who has replied , 

by all means it doesnt help or make me feel any different its just nice for people to talk who understand all the emotions and to hear its sort of "normal" 

wish i had my normal "normal" . 

But the family are looking forward to having us up there our son will enjoy it suppose ive just got to take it for what it is . 

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claribassist13

Allow yourself to be surrounded my those who love you. Take all that love and use it to help yourself heal, little piece by little piece. 

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On July 11, 2016 at 3:53 PM, Forever His x said:

i just need to talk really , type whats going on in my head . 

i have decided to go and visit extended family with my family up the country who live 2 hours away this weekend , to try and just get out of our house and the same four walls . 
we lived with my parents and brother and we have a son together , ive done the normal stuff gone for walks with baby and gone shops when i need to , but to do this i feel like im such a horrible person that i sort of " want " to go up there to just get away for the weekend i know i wont get away from my head or whats happened but just the area and to see different faces , theres my cousins there also who havent seen baby since he was 8 weeks his now 15 months but were in contact all the time , so now ive finally made the choice to go visit i feel that i shouldnt and i should just sit in my house feeling the way i feel now , i think it will also help me with making the decision on whether to stay or move but ahhh i just wish i had him and none of this even mattered !!  i know it doesnt make any sense but my head is just a mess so needed to get it out somewhere . 

Give yourself this time and try to enjoy the love you will be surrounded by.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  I hope you find some peace while you are there.  

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