Other Peoples Choices ...

[Forever His x]

Hello . 

After some helpful advice from peoples real life experiences i know im the only one who can make this decision for my family and me and my son . After you have lost and you lived with your partner did you choose to move away or stay put in the house id like to hear from both sides if anyone has chosen between and why and what feelings you had towards your decision . 

we lived with family in the same house but had our seperate part , the whole family has been affected .
Im finding the memories to hard to deal with im not living in our space of the house ive moved to a different part of the house to family but cant live like it forever , i cant even go up without feeling sick crying and nearly fainting , our son is too young to understand anything at the moment , i will never move on but i suppose i need to move forward im unsure if i can ever do that here with all the memories and walk around where he walked around or in time will i  find a comfort no decisions has been made as of yet but everyones thinking about our options  but i would like to hear your stories . 

 

[Marty2121]

I thought I would have a hard time staying in the home that we built together, but for me, it is here that I feel his presence even more!  I have done some redecorating but not to try and forget him, but just to have a change.  I got rid of my living room and dining room furniture and now it holds a pool table and a bar.  Two of his favorite things.  Why we didn't do that before....I don't know. 

Everyone is different, so go with your feeling and you'll make the best decision.  Just take your time ☺

and yes...I hate it when people tell me to "move on".  I will move FORWARD when I'm good and ready!!

[claribassist13]

For me, staying in his room is sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day. 

He and I did not live together (we are both in college and were still living with our parents while looking for an apartment to share) so it's hard to me to feel close to him. But when I go over to his parent's house, I am able to hang out in his room if I need it. I slept in that bed many times, and sometimes it's the only way for me to feel like he is still near me somehow. It's utterly painful and completely soothing at the same time. 

[Krantz]

As of right now, I cannot emotionally handle being in our house. So I'm currently staying with his family. I'm planning on going back in September then 12 months from now I'm planning on moving to CO. So theoretically, I will be not staying in our home for long. We were planning on putting the house on the market next year anyways and we live in a town home community and Adam hatted that we shared walls, our neighbors are weirdos.  

[trawna]

You are so right, only you can make this decision. I thought (before he died) that I would have to move, as I could not bear the thought of staying in our house when he was no longer here. After he died, my MD suggested I wait at least 6 months before doing anything about the house, and that if I could not take staying there that long that I should not sell it before the 6 month period, and then decide. I changed bedrooms, and I was also fortunate enough to have my daughter stay with me for almost two months after my husband passed, so I did not have to be there all alone immediately. After she went home, I was still convinced I would move, but, following my MDs advice I simply started to prepare for a move. First priority was to make improvements (that I had been putting off whilst he was so sick) and so I replaced the siding, repaved the driveway, and had the whole house re-carpeted and repainted. I di the usual things that real estate folks tell you to do ... and, interestingly enough, I discovered during the process that I now felt more personally invested in the house, and started to see it as "my house" and less like "our home". When all the staging for the move was finished ... it no longer seemed like such a priority, so I thought I would wait another 6 months and see how I felt then.

I had considered moving into a duplex with another widowed friend of mine, but as time passed, I realized that I really did not want to have to go back to joint decision-making, and then amazingly that the house actually suited my needs ... close to work, knew the neighbours, had some friends and family relatively nearby, had my MD and dentist locally, knew the local shops, quiet and mature neighbourhood,  small enough that I could handle most of it by myself, and it was mortgage-free so for finances it remained manageable.,  and so on. Finally, after even more time and more thought, I decided I would stay at least for the immediate future. Now, 7 years after my husband's passing, I find that I no longer wish to move, as I have all here that I want. I adopted a dog 3 years after my husband's passing, so the back yard and the location of the house (near a small lake and a local leash-free dog park) was now of greater importance, and I hired out for the stuff that physically I could not do (age 70+ with both osteo- and rheumatoid arthritis and an artificial hip) like lawn-mowing and driveway shovelling. Financially I was fortunate to be able to cover the extra costs of that, thanks to being mortgage-free.

But of course, everyone's situation is different. Where I lived and with my situation, the house had a lot of good things that worked well for me. With other circumstances, I would no doubt have made a totally different decision. My very recently widowed friend really did not like her neighbourhood or her house (they had moved from their original home about 7 years ago) and she has already decided that the house is too big and too distant from close friends and family, etc. etc., and she has already, after only 4 months, put her house on the market and is downsizing significantly to get rid of the financial costs, and she will be moving back to the town where she and her husband lived previously. Others have decided to move into apartments or condominiums where everything major is taken care of.

Do just be sure that you have a goal in mind, whatever that may be, so that you don't move just because of your current grief, be sure that you have a life goal in mind if and when you move, and I am sure you will make the right choice for you and your son. Thinking of you.

[Forever His x]

Thankyou everyone for replying i really appreciate it . 

i understand not to make any fast decisions , but i also believe that this so called "time" will not ease the pain , it will just be longer since ive seen him . 
im also not the type of person to have regrets once i make a decision its final , but like i say i havent made that decision yet.

At the moment im finding the house the area hard as im not finding the memories of being here a comfort im finding them a kick in the teeth that i havent got him . 

i also think i find it hard because of my age im still so young im 24 , most people my age are out clubbing still finding them selfs and other bits and bobs, where i had my life planned out i had the perfect man who then gave me our beautiful boy we as a couple were complete and our little boy was a blessing . its just all so hard and all such a mess i just want him back my perfect beautiful man !! . 

Thankyou for reading and for replying with what you have all done .