Members green7 Posted July 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 I wrote this poem a couple weeks after my love passed. I wrote it during one of my darkest moments, so sad and depressed. And today I realized that my feelings haven't changed much, I still miss him, I feel the same pain.. Would you? Im still looking for your presence Im still looking for signs of you, Sometimes I see them, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I breath, sometimes I live But every day I die a little. If I go looking for you and get lost, If I get the wrong directions, Would you look for me? Would you find me? Im still looking for you in my dreams, Sometimes I find you, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I find my sunshine, Sometimes I find the storm. Wake me up from this nightmare! I wish it was just a bad dream. I would look for you to the end of the world, And if I don't find you, I would go beyond. Will you wait for me? If I take the wrong decision, If it leads me to the wrong place, Would you look for me? Would you find me? If I lose my sanity in this world; If I lose my soul during my journey, Would you save me? Would you recognize my soul in another world? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Krantz Posted July 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 Green7, your poem is absolutely beautiful and powerful. Thank you for sharing it. I wonder myself if our loved ones watch and guide us even when we are looking for signs and their presence in dreams. I only wished this was a nightmare that I can wake up from and see him again as if everything is back to normal.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members green7 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 Krantz, thank you. So do I. I wish it was just a nightmare. I'd give anything to bring him back, to see his beautiful smile again, to hear his voice.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 Be sure to keep writing! Writing is an excellent outlet that will allow you to process your feelings. My counselor suggested that I start writing about anything and everything I was feeling, so I actually ended up starting a blog. Writing has been immensely helpful for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members green7 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted July 13, 2016 Claribassist13, I've always liked writing and reading. And you're right, writing is helping me process some feelings that I don't understand. I was thinking about you the other day, you seem to be so mature for your age, I remember how you told me to honor my boyfriend's memory by trying to be strong and doing the things he liked and in the possible, accomplishing the plans we had together. I showed my poems to my counselor and she got a little worried because she said they're kind of suididal. I don't think I am, but I didn't show them to anybody else. So I guess I will be posting them here, where I don't feel judged. Sometimes when people tell me I need to get over it, I need to come here and find support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 13, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 13, 2016 2 hours ago, green7 said: Claribassist13, I've always liked writing and reading. And you're right, writing is helping me process some feelings that I don't understand. I was thinking about you the other day, you seem to be so mature for your age, I remember how you told me to honor my boyfriend's memory by trying to be strong and doing the things he liked and in the possible, accomplishing the plans we had together. I showed my poems to my counselor and she got a little worried because she said they're kind of suididal. I don't think I am, but I didn't show them to anybody else. So I guess I will be posting them here, where I don't feel judged. Sometimes when people tell me I need to get over it, I need to come here and find support. Well, as the oldest of 6 kids I was always a little more mature than my peers, but I think grief has it's own way of aging a person. I do remember telling you that! Have you done anything like that? Are you planning to do anything like that? I didn't read your poem as suicidal, but then again I don't have the clearest head either. Try not to feel bad about your counselor's reaction. She is doing her job in trying to keep you safe and healthy. What we portray is very different to outsiders, but that is why having a neutral, outside party is good for us. They will be able to pick up on things that we or those closest to us don't perceive as dangerous or unhealthy. You are not quite 3 months into this thing, so tell those to tell you do get over it to **** off. You still have a couple of tough months coming ahead, and you are perfectly fine to feel all that you are feeling. Keep seeing your counselor, and keep writing! I know that all of us on here will never judge your writings. This is a safe place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 13, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted July 13, 2016 Green, It's good you are able to express yourself so well, it helps to get it out and know you are heard. I'm not a poet but I can appreciate what you and others are able to put so eloquently into words... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members green7 Posted July 15, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 Clari, I haven't been able to do must of the things we used to do together. It is still very painful. I'm not a football fan, but I'm learning, he was an avid Giants fan, so in the future I would like to go to a game in New York, that's something he wanted to do. For now I'm trying to keep myself physically and emotionally healthy as much as I can. Tomorrow will be three months without my Ricky, without seeing his beautiful smile, without hearing his voice, without hugging him. I still look at my phone in the mornings, hoping for a message, even though I know its impossible. I know we have rough times coming ahead. But I'm glad I found this safe place where I can express my feelings, specially when I'm feeling down like tonight. I love your profile pic though! KayC, I'm not a great poet but writing allows me to express my feelings, my fears, my pain. I hope that someday I will be able to write something less sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 6 minutes ago, green7 said: Clari, I haven't been able to do must of the things we used to do together. It is still very painful. I'm not a football fan, but I'm learning, he was an avid Giants fan, so in the future I would like to go to a game in New York, that's something he wanted to do. For now I'm trying to keep myself physically and emotionally healthy as much as I can. Tomorrow will be three months without my Ricky, without seeing his beautiful smile, without hearing his voice, without hugging him. I still look at my phone in the mornings, hoping for a message, even though I know its impossible. I know we have rough times coming ahead. But I'm glad I found this safe place where I can express my feelings, specially when I'm feeling down like tonight. I love your profile pic though! KayC, I'm not a great poet but writing allows me to express my feelings, my fears, my pain. I hope that someday I will be able to write something less sad... I think going to a football game would be a great way to honor your late boyfriend. Even putting a game on TV would work! Keeping yourself mentally and physically healthy is a great first step. As my mother always tells me, you are useless to everyone (including yourself) when you don't take care of yourself. Now is the time to take that opportunity. Let yourself heal in the ways you need to do. I am so sorry that is has been 3 months. Going into the fourth month will be difficult (there are several psychological reasons for it) so be sure to give yourself plenty of slack before heading into it. I still look at my phone every morning as well, and I'm going on 7 months. I think that will happen for a while. Keep on here! We'll all be here to support you when you need it. Thank you! It's my absolute favorite picture of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 15, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 You all look so young! One of my favorite pictures of us we look like the happiest old couple, sitting on the couch holding hands on Christmas. I would have loved growing old with him. Sigh... I agree Claribassist. it's important to take care of ourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted July 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 3 minutes ago, KayC said: You all look so young! One of my favorite pictures of us we look like the happiest old couple, sitting on the couch holding hands on Christmas. I would have loved growing old with him. Sigh... I agree Claribassist. it's important to take care of ourselves. KayC, you have to keep in mind that I am only 20 and I think green7 is around my age as well. We look young because we are young! Yep. It's a hard thing to do, but at some point we just have to do it or let ourselves die a painfully slow death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Diane Eileen Posted July 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 Such beautiful poetry. Thank you for writing that amazing and heart felt work. God bless and sending you light and love to help you in this transitional time. Grieving is hard, I know. Be kind to yourself and I'm glad you have found a safe place here to talk. Hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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