Members Jane Hollinghurst Posted July 4, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 Hello and thank you for reading. My sister is dying. I really love my sister. I have been trying hard to be supportive to her and her family. Yesterday very late at night I got a horrible message from one of my sister's daughters. I had said to my sister's husband that it was 'particularly' difficult for him and my niece was furious about this. Why was I making comparisons? It was difficult for everyone. There were other things in the message that upset me, that suggested to me that this niece and the rest of the family had long been angry with me. I was accused of stoking conflict and creating drama. What I do was 'intolerable'. It was posted in a public Whatsapp group so everyone else in the family saw it too. I felt publicly shamed and humiliated. I immediately posted an apology saying I had been trying my best but was sorry when I got it wrong. I have got no response to that apology. When I went to the family house yesterday the niece and some of the other younger generation cut me dead. I don't live near to my sister and have now returned home. I am terribly upset. Can't sleep. Keep going over and over it in my mind and feeling angry and then desolate. I feel that the love I feel for this family is not reciprocated. My sister will die. I will never see them again or be close. I am even doubting the love my sister has for me. I feel I won't be able to go to the funeral. My question is should I try to send nice messages as I have been doing - something like, "Good morning. I hope the night wasn't too bad. Thinking of you." Or should I remain silent? Now is not the time to talk about it - my sister is days at most away from dying. Also have you experienced anything like this. What happened in the end? Was it OK? Please respond to me if you have time. Many thanks, Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members seachelle Posted July 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 Grief is often accompanied by family disruption and misplaced feelings of anger and blame. Without talking to this niece it will be impossible for you to figure out if it was truly something you did that set her off, or if she is experiencing misplaced anger. It sounds like your response to her message was appropriate. If there is someone in the family, other than your niece, that you can discuss this with I would consider doing this. You could just say something along the lines of, "this has been hard for everyone, but I'm concerned that I may have upset my niece at some point even though I'm trying to be supportive. Have you heard anything?" Other than that, I would wait and discuss it with your niece in a few weeks when the dust has settled. In the meantime, I'd send her a supportive message or two to let her know you are thinking of her but I wouldn't do more than that. Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jane Hollinghurst Posted July 11, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 Dear Seachelle, Thank you for your very kind and wise words. It's been a desperately hard time. My sister has died now and I am doing as you suggest. I'm just sending brief kind messages and waiting for the dust to settle in the hope that time will bring healing and forgiveness. If I get the opportunity to discuss this with my niece in a non threatening way at some point I will take it, but I think I need to wait for the immediate feelings to subside. I don't want to make things worse or stir up more conflict. Thank you again for taking the time to reply. It really helped. Jane x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.