Members Krantz Posted June 23, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 It's been three weeks since my fiancé passed away. It's been a emotional roller coaster. I miss him so very much. What's worse is that everytime I look at the date, the longer it's been since that I've last talked, kissed and hug him. On top of that, we are supposed to get married in September. Cancelling the wedding (everything was done) was one of the hardest things. He was my soulmate and best friend. I could never find a better man that made me so happy and loved me for who I am. I don't understand why he had to depart from this earth so suddenly and at 32 years old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted June 23, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 It's kind of ironic how we find ourselves at time's mercy. Time is supposed to heal all wounds and in the same way, time also hurts us. Each day is one more day that we did not plan on living without them in it. It's hard knowing that birthdays and anniversaries will pass and all the meanwhile we will continue to get older while our loved ones are forever 32 (in your case), 19 (in my case) and every other age in between and beyond. I cannot imagine having to cancel the entire wedding. My fiance and I had a couple more years before we were planning to get married. The hardest thing I had to deal with in that respect was finding the engagement ring he would have proposed to me with. I am so sorry for your pain. There is no way to replace what will never be. For now, give yourself time. It hurts like hell, but there is still a lot that you will need to work though. Take each day as it comes and try to live like he would want you to. It's difficult, but is some ways it is honoring his memory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Krantz Posted June 23, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 The situation is just horrible. I'm still so blown away that he suddenly passed away. He seemed fine the night before he passed and that morning before leaving for work. Life is so unpredictable and really makes you realize how short life really is. I still feel like I'm in denial about the whole situation. I mean I've never heard of a person in their 30s passing away from a heart attack. We were active, I made home cooked meals, so our diet was good, and we were both happy (not overly stressed). Its just crazy.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted June 23, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 There are so many factors that can play a part in a heart attack. It could have been a pre-existing medical condition, abnormal heart rhythm, something to do with the blood... It's so unfortunate, but at this point there is nothing that can be done. It's common to still be in shock. It's only been three weeks for you. I think it took me at least a couple of months before the shock/denial started to give way to other emotions. While we know that our loved ones are gone, it takes a while for the concept of permanency and finality to set in. Remember to give yourself a break. You are only just beginning in this life-long process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Krantz Posted June 23, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 I guess so, I'm not too familiar the cause of an heart attack besides diet, lack-of-exercise, weight, and I guess age. His family believes the rare autoimmune disorder he battled 5 years ago (which will be a pre-existing medical condition) might of did some damaged to his heart. I'm wondering if it did some long-term damaged. Either way, he's gone and there's nothing that can be done at this point. It sucks. I feel like I'm becoming obsessed on what had caused him to have a heart attack. I keep Googling "fiancé passed away suddenly, etc." by looking for answers and feeling like I'm the only one going through this. Most of the results are people losing their spouse but they are in their 60s.. I'm starting grief counseling today, so I'm hoping that will help me get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted June 24, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 That is another of the unfortunate realities of death. Especially in cases like ours, there is often no good answer for what happened. I know that it drives me crazy not knowing what caused my fiance's accident, and I can imagine it is very similar to what you are feeling. We are left with a lot of questions that will never have answers, and we are forced to live with that. I am so glad to hear that you are beginning counseling. It may not seem like is helps a whole ton, but I have noticed over time that it has benefited me in several situations. Plus, it's really nice just to have someone completely unbiased to talk/rant to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Krantz Posted June 26, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 I started grief counseling on Thursday and it did help. Just talking it out and receiving advice was much needed. I noticed that I already lost 10 lbs because of the stress and of course the lack of appetite and I'm feeling weak and fatigue. On Friday, I ended up calling off at work and laid in bed all day depressed. I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore. I recently started to hang out with friends to get my mind focused and started looking up simple tattoos that I want to get in rememberance of Adam and his brother was going to do the same. So thinking about other things do help, but only for a short period of time. The situation just sucks and I feel like I'm becoming angry and feel like this isn't fair! There are so many horrible people who commits crimes, on drugs, etc but they live until they're old. But people like my fiancé who puts others before himself, extremely intelligent, caring, etc dies young. It's just total BS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Forever His x Posted June 26, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 4 hours ago, Krantz said: I started grief counseling on Thursday and it did help. Just talking it out and receiving advice was much needed. I noticed that I already lost 10 lbs because of the stress and of course the lack of appetite and I'm feeling weak and fatigue. On Friday, I ended up calling off at work and laid in bed all day depressed. I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore. I recently started to hang out with friends to get my mind focused and started looking up simple tattoos that I want to get in rememberance of Adam and his brother was going to do the same. So thinking about other things do help, but only for a short period of time. The situation just sucks and I feel like I'm becoming angry and feel like this isn't fair! There are so many horrible people who commits crimes, on drugs, etc but they live until they're old. But people like my fiancé who puts others before himself, extremely intelligent, caring, etc dies young. It's just total BS! I've been waiting for my grief councelling appointment to come through taking ages now , what things did you find helpful from them ? Totally agree with you there , there's some right scum bags out there walking the earth who to be honest do not deserve a life yes sounds horrible but I'm past caring , they disgust me ! When you have innocent kind loving caring partners and also in my case a dad who get taken too young to cruel and too beautiful wrong place wrong time . I'm a mess and I dont see a way out of this without him . 100% BS ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Krantz Posted June 26, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Well so far I went to the consultation, so pretty much the counselor wanted to get to know me and my loss. I can say, talking it out helps a lot. I'm hoping she'll give me more advice as time goes on. Adam and I have a dog, so luckily he keeps me going by taking him out for walks, feed, play, etc because if he isn't here, I would literally lay in bed all day and not move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted June 27, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 27, 2016 Getting a tattoo is an awesome idea! I got two of them in memory of my fiance. Just be sure to give yourself plenty of time to think an idea before you commit! Keep seeing your counselor, and just take one day at a time. Sometimes you really need to just lie in bed all day, and that gets a little bit better with time (speaking from my personal experience). However, I still have many days where I want to just lie down all day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Krantz Posted June 28, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 28, 2016 Oh I like your tattoos!! I want to finalize mine. My fiancé and I love the mountains, so I was thinking of getting a small mountain with his initials in the mountain. Our utimate plan after we are married was to move to Colorado. He lived out there before and we went out there to visit. It is absolutely beautiful. So I was thinking a small tattoo would be a good remembrance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted June 28, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 28, 2016 The top tattoo is the hormone oxytocin, otherwise known as one of the "love" hormones. The date of my fiance's death is hidden within the structure. The bottom tattoo is a line he wrote me in a letter (yes, it is his handwriting!). Translated the phrase means "I love you my beautiful darling, forever". I added a stethoscope because my fiance was studying to be a doctor. Your tattoo sounds lovely! Be sure to pick an artist you like. They'll be able to draw you a great design and take all of your ideas in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Krantz Posted June 28, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 28, 2016 Oh my goodness, that is so sweet and so memorable. Yeah I don't want to make a rash decision, so I just want to make sure whatever design I come up with will be tolerable for the remaining of my life. I already have one that's not sentimental, but I totally regret and the cost and pain to get tattoos removed are ridiculous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted June 28, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 28, 2016 I am sure that no matter what you do you will always treasure it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Krantz Posted June 29, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 29, 2016 Thank you so very much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members green7 Posted June 30, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 On June 26, 2016 at 9:52 AM, Krantz said: I started grief counseling on Thursday and it did help. Just talking it out and receiving advice was much needed. I noticed that I already lost 10 lbs because of the stress and of course the lack of appetite and I'm feeling weak and fatigue. On Friday, I ended up calling off at work and laid in bed all day depressed. I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore. I recently started to hang out with friends to get my mind focused and started looking up simple tattoos that I want to get in rememberance of Adam and his brother was going to do the same. So thinking about other things do help, but only for a short period of time. The situation just sucks and I feel like I'm becoming angry and feel like this isn't fair! There are so many horrible people who commits crimes, on drugs, etc but they live until they're old. But people like my fiancé who puts others before himself, extremely intelligent, caring, etc dies young. It's just total BS! Krantz, I too have the same feelings, the anger and frustration, like you I also think that there are so many bad people in this world and they still here, alive. And my boyfriend was a wonderful person, so kind and caring. He deserved to live a long a happy life. We will never accept that they are gone. It's not fair, life is just not fair. I lost weight as well and I've missed work some days, because Sometimes I don't have the strength to do anything. I'm glad you're getting counseling, get help, try and go out with friends. It helps me, although sometimes I just want to stay home and cry. Life will never be the same without them and we need to lean how to continue. I'm thinking about having a memorial bear made of his cloths. A couple weeks after he passed I got a tattoo. It's my first one and I love it. Sending you hugs and know that you're not alone. I have found a lot of support here. And I hope you do as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members green7 Posted June 30, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Claribassist13, girl, your tattos are so beautiful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted June 30, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 42 minutes ago, green7 said: Claribassist13, girl, your tattos are so beautiful! Thank you! I put a lot of thought into them. I wanted them to be meaningful, but not be an obvious memorial tattoo. I think I managed to capture several aspects of my relationship with him. And I'm thinking of doing another as well. I love yours as well! Your wing is spectacularly done! Gorgeous shading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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