what should I do?

[mariesgirl1953]

Hi all.

So, I went back over to London on Friday and came home yesterday. When I got to Dublin airport, me, my dad and my husband and son went and got a coffee and had a chat. My dad and husband said if I have anything to say "say it now, out straight" I did - but what I didnt do is tell them that I spoke to my cousin yesterday in stansted airport and told her I had come back over to London for 3 days... I asked her to keep it to herself... She said she would. Problem is she is a huge gossip and I'm afraid that if this gets out about me having gone back so soon, my auntie will be so hurt and upset and I don't want that to happen to her. I had a great time when I was with her, but I felt I needed/wanted to go back my myself for a couple more days. Which I done - my dad and husband where very angry but I done what made me happy. I know that sounds awful but I always go out of my way for other people and never ever do anything for myself. I know I basically shot myself in the foot by telling her, but I just felt its better then lying. I'm not a person who lies. And last night me and my husband had a blazing row because I said this to my cousin about having gone back.. I have so much going on at the moment. Losing my precious mam, going through a difficult marriage which I feel trapped in. Last night I was threatened that all the stuff that's in MY house will be taken back out and this house will be a "shell' of what it is now... I know there only empty threats.. But what do I do? My husband phoned my dad at 2:45am!! He rang this morning asking was everything ok and I said "yeah, of course". It feels like I'm being made choose between my husband or my family and that's not one bit fair. But I will always put my family first before any man, I'm sorry- but that's just me... I feel so down and depressed and don't know what to do... On the outside I look and seem fine, but on the inside I'm a total mess and a shell of the person I once was before I lost my beautiful mam...

[silverkitties]

Mariesgirl, you have gone through a lot. I lost my mom back in October 2014, and I know that in June 2015, I was still a mess. In fact, I probably felt especially miserable between January and October that year because I had virtually no friend nearby and I do not get along with my dad. Things have improved now--I don't cry on a daily basis anymore--but it can be very trying at times. 

I think you need to let your family know that this is a very challenging period for you--and it probably will be for at least a year. Anyone who thinks that grief stops 6 months after a death is wrong: Jackie Onassis, for instance, felt even worse 6 months after the assassination of her husband, JFK. (His brothers and sisters could not understand at all.) The fact is grief depends a lot on our relationship with our loved ones. It is very difficult not to feel immense sorrow when someone we most trusted and loved has passed.   It is difficult not to feel pangs when we see something that reminds us of them or when we've passed by a place that we associate with them. This is human nature.

One way of relief that I've found helpful is writing about my mom and my grief here. Of course, it can't bring her back, but it helps me relive some of the great moments I've had with her and I feel better knowing that I've shared these experiences with others.