Lost memories

[KimC]

Ten years ago my 20 year old son was killed while serving in Iraq. His youngest sister was 9 years old at the time. She and her brother were only two of a blended family of 10 children, but were close and had a good and loving relationship. Her way of coping with the grief was to shut down emotionally and find ways to distract herself. If he were mentioned in a conversation she would get very quiet, and if at all possible would leave the room. Just recently she has begun to talk about him and ask questions about what happened. She even went to the cemetery for the first time since his funeral. Last night she shared with us that she has no memories of her brother. No specific memories of him, their relationship, or even his part in shared family activities, like vacations. I did my best to encourage her and told her that now that she is beginning to allow herself to think about and talk about him, she may begin to have some of her memories return. It breaks my heart that she has literally forgotten him, knowing how much they loved each other. Is there anything that can be done to help this happen for her?

[ModKonnie]

I am very sorry for your loss, first of all. My brother was 9 when my older brother was killed in a car wreck. My younger brother has almost no memories of him. When we tell stories, he feels awful that he doesn't remember. They were very close, but I'm just not sure why he doesn't remember. Perhaps he was too young, or the trauma was too great; I'm not sure. 

I don't have any advice to tell as far as helping her remember, but I did  want to share with you that my brother has had a similar experience, so it must not be all that uncommon. 

ModKonnie