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My sister


Aurora4316

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Aurora4316

Hello, I've never done a  grieving forum before, never had a reason to. I am an high school student, my ten year old sister is the first person that I've ever lost, she died over three weeks ago. The purpose of life is lost on me , I don't know what I will achieve by living. I have finals in an week and yet  I can't concentrate on studying when I feel like an emotional train wreck. 

My sister had special needs, she was disabled, in an wheelchair, she couldn't talk she couldn't communicate at all. She was basically a little baby trapped into a ten year olds body. When I was younger I overheard my mom telling a freind that she was like this because of an allergic reaction to an injection. At that time I didn't care that my sister would always be a baby that needed to be looked after, for me it meant that I will always have a playmate, that my sister would never be a spoiled brat. Later on as I approached my teenage years, I became annoyed by her, (I still loved her, I never stopped loving her.) I hated it that she couldn't take care of her self, it annoyed me that I had to change her diaper, to feed her. Most of all it annoyed me whenever  we went to a public place, and people would stare at her, I always glared at them. Didn't someone tell them that it was rude to stare? Was it really that hard for them no to stare? Who were they to stare at my little sister like she came from outer space, like she wasn't human? I wanted to punch all of them , and yell at them to mind their own buisness. And now she's gone no one will ever stare at her again, I will never be troubled by her, and now she's dead and gone, my little sister's dead, and I feel horrible because I could have been a better sister. 

I don't know what's going on at home. My stepdads parents are visiting, since they live overseas they are living in our house. They have known my sister for a year and never did they shed a tear for my her , they weren't even saddend by her death, I don't know if it's because she isn't their real grandchild or because she had special needs, and couldn't communicate .It hurts to see that they don't care . My mom's hiding her pain, and I don't even know if my stepdad cares that much. I have to constantly remind myself that I can live by myself when I'm 18. Schools even worst my friends don't understand grief, they don't care about me.

I wish I was the one that died, people say that she's in a better place, but is she? I wonder if she's lonely wherever she is? She looked so different at her funeral. She looked like those plastic models that they put clothes on, she didn't look like my sister. I don't care about life any more what's the point of caring, when everyone dies, when the world is so cruel  to those that need the most love. 

 

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I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister. It's always so tough when siblings die. My brother died when I was 14. I remember people acting so weird and everything seem so different. Many of my relatives and friends acted like nothing had happened and it was "no big deal." My parents were torn apart. My father started drinking heavy, and my mother became very angry. The rest of us siblings coped as best as we could. At the funeral, my brother didn't even look like himself. I thought it was a plastic dummy made up to resemble him. I just tried to pretend it was all a big mistake and dream. 

I can tell you that in time, things smoothed out. One way to deal with the loss of your sister is to celebrate her life by talking about her and remember her. Find the good memories. I know it seems impossible to smile or laugh right now, but in time it will get better. 

The world does feel cruel when people die, but it's because people are trying to cope in the best way they can. People deal with grief in many different ways. It's okay to be very angry, sad, depressed, anxious, guilty, and every other feeling. 

We will be with you,

ModKonnie

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