Members Ricky's mom , Wendy Posted June 3, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2016 I just lost my 23 yr old son in a horrible car accident and just trying to figure out how to cope. How do you continue? How do you deal with the pain? How do you eat, sleep, function??? I've pretty much shut down and I know this is not what he would've wanted for me. I miss him sooooo much. So much unsaid, unseen and undone together. He was my 3rd child to lose. I lost my twins when I was 15,son was stillborn and daughter died in my arms 3 hrs later, but this is a total different pain. I wasn't supposed to have kids after my twins and he was my miracle baby! How do you not be angry at the world???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted June 3, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2016 Xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ricky's mom , Wendy Posted June 3, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2016 RAiNiE, I'm sorry for your loss. I know how the pain feels. I do have support of my husband and family,thankfully. It just seems like I'm selfish when I talk about him constantly. For the last 3 weeks I haven't been able to cry or feel anything. I was put on meds "to help me" ,so they said. In reality, they only made me numb to all my feelings. I decided to stop the meds 4 days ago and tonight is the first time I've cried. I'm so angry at my son, God and the other people involved in the wreck. I don't want to do things with my other children or my dogs. I'd really love to just stay in my bed, but life doesn't stop for you to grieve. I always believed, what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger, but this is slowly killing me. I don't care anymore about anything. A week before my Ricky died, I was told I'm going to be a grandmother for the first time and I can't even get excited about that. I carry his ashes in a Ziplock bag everywhere I go. I plan on getting a necklace for them soon. I can just see getting pulled over and having to explain what is in the bag! I had a tattoo made from his ashes over my heart as well. I don't know what I expect to get out of this site but his girlfriend is the one that told me about it. My psychiatrist suggest I go to counseling and therapy but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted June 3, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2016 Xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ricky's mom , Wendy Posted June 4, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2016 RAiNiE, Thank you so much for talking to me. I just have so much I don't understand. We don't even know how the wreck happened. I'm having a hard time going through his things. I inherited his cat through all of this, and I hate cats, but she has been my comfort. I can't do the counseling thing just yet. I have trouble just writing on here. The tears don't stop! I try to stay busy but I can't focus on things too long. My husband works out of state,so I spend allot if time alone. The panic attacks are unreal! I go to the crash where we placed a cross and talk to him allot. Should I stop carryinghim around with me? Should I stop going to the site? I am constantly trying to get answers that never come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted June 4, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2016 Xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ricky's mom , Wendy Posted June 4, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2016 RAiNiE, I made the mistake of needing to see his body before he was cleaned up and needing to go to his car and get his belongings out if it. Now I can't get those images out of my head. I have nightmares of the wreck that haunt me over and over! I refuse to let my family and his girlfriend see the pics of his car for fear of them having the images I have stuck in my head. It is just eating away at my soul! I have more days that I do want to die than I have of wanting to live. They says time heals everything, I'm not sure of that. I think we just learn how to suppress the pain. Thank you so much for talking to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted June 4, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2016 Wendy, you follow your heart,,,you have excellent in stinks in this matter.. besides, I feel some pictures & info..in the matter of a loved ones death is no one business except immediate family,,,mom and dad.. i understand,, i, too, chose to see pictures,,,,and had the same reaction,, for me, tho,,even tho I paid the price for seeing the reality of my sons death,, i know I would not rest 'til I had and I know even tho ,like you,,it took awhile to put to rest the horror of the pictures,, i would do irt the same ..Judy my thoughts here dear one. this whole thing is not normal.. pas parents we never are ment to loss our children while we are still alive... please know this statement I mean from my heart...not as a roast statement.. we hurt sooo much because we loved so deeply.. that is the risk, price we pay for choosing love ing with our whole hearts and being.. not a comfort ,,just reality.. and Wendy ~ thank you for sharing with me your deepest sorrow.. RAiNiE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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