Members dihan55 Posted June 1, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 Hello all! I finally can post about the loss of my son Jonathan. He was 35 when passed from almost a decade of COPD, heavy drinking and smoking. I cared for him when he was let go from his employment because of lung issues. He had a girlfriend, apartment and job. He lost all those because of illness, and came home to live with me. Got onto social security disability which helped him cope with what happened to him physically. He was with me since 2008, slowly deteriorating. Tried and struggled to get better, but never did quit smoking and drinking. His father died when he was only 15, and the behavior problems started after that. He was in great pain in the end, meds weren't working and started to have seizures due to wanting to quit drinking. Had a collapsed lung last year that almost did him in. Told me he didn't want to go back to the hospital. Life with him was difficult at best. I felt like he was constantly angry and lashed out at me constantly, especially while drunk, and he was drunk alot. He blamed me for his health, I wish he weren't sick, wish he had a normal life, but that was not to be. I think he lost the will to live and was on a path of self-destruction for years. I feel such a trama bond. Even though it was usually terrible dealing with him, I still love and miss him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JBMOM Posted July 18, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 dihan55 No one knows the pain & turmoil of the lost of a child unless they've experienced it. I too lost my oldest son he was 24 yrs old its been 6 months & it still feels like yesterday I understand your pain & my heart & prayers go out to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 18, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 dihan55......am so...so sorry for your loss....my son, John David, passed when he was 42.....what I have learned is that it doesn't matter if they died in the womb...lived 2 hours...2 days...10 years....50 years....they are still your child. You have a supreme unconditional love all around you. I think when our children...even adult children become so very demanding...out of control...lashing out in anger....we seem to have this urge to love them harder. We think we have this super human control...to make everything alright for our child...even thinking we can heal them....then we find...we never had super human control...we only had/have super human love. Of course you love and miss him and you honor that Mama love with your grief. Deep grief comes from deep love. You did all you could...really...all you humanly could. Please don't let the devil's tools of guilt and shame and regret slip into your grieving. We know what alcohol and drugs can do to change a person...and I am sure you understand that. We are here to hear you. Peace to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 18, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 18, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.