Loss of son (EMPTY)

[Latrells Mommy]

I have never joined a forum before an i have never really had someone close to me pass away. Im 24 years old an i just lost my 6 year old son, latrell on may 13th of this year. It was the day before mother's day an it was like any other day. I have 4 kids an they had been running around all day so around 1:30pm it was time for their nap. I put my three youngest (ages 6, 3,an 2.) In their rooms for naps. I had looked at them on the camera an latrell was in his bed asleep. My two youngest were sitting on the floor watching tv. About 15 minutes later my daughter who is 3 came running in my room saying latrell was choking. He was behind her holding his throat unable to breath. Me an his dad instantly jumped up i grabbed the phone an dialed 911 while his dad performed the heimlich maneuver on him trying to get whatever he was choking on out. He then went unconscious in his dads arms the ambulance was taking FOREVER an we have no car so someone i saw driving down the street rushed him to the hospital. When we arrived the started working on him. They did cpr for 45 minutes. Then came an told me they had to stop an they wanted me to come an say goodbye. I went in there an kissed him an told him how much i loved him. The nurse decided to try once more an when she did he got pulse. An he had a strong heartbeat. Over the next few days he was on life support in a coma. He was unconscious for so long they were worried about his brain. But he had a strong heartbeat. So i just knew he would be okay. I knew he wouldn't be the same little boy he was but i didnt care i just wanted him here. An as long as he was fighting i wasnt going to give up. Then his heart rate started dropping one night an the doctor explained to me that he was just getting tired of fighting. They did a series of tests an declared him brain dead. It was the worse day of my life i felt like i had died with him. I decided to let him be an organ donor on the hopes he would save other children. An his heart saved a 2 year old boy an his liver went to a 13yr old boy. That gives me some comfort. They later on found a button in his large intestine. Which was the cause of him choking. My 3 year old says that the baby put it in his mouth while he was asleep. I was angry with him at first. I know its wrong but i was. Latrell was my first child my first love he taught me how to be a mom. I am more angry with myself because the button was broken off of MY peacoat so i blame myself for not looking for the broken button. I havent been to a funeral in 12 years before latrells so i wasnt prepared for what i saw. I expected to go in an be able to say goodbye to my baby the way i remembered him but he didnt look at all like his self which hurt even more. I know i have two other children but i just dont know how im going to get through this. I just wished i would have kissed him before his nap an told him how much i loved him. An now i wont have that chance anymore. People say hes in a better place but i know my son an i know he would want to be here with me. I just feel wherever he is he isnt happy. Hes just wanting to come home an i miss him so much.

[Everly]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy   I know there are alot of parents on here who have lost a child, hopefully they will reach out soon.  I lost my Mom 20 months ago.  

At the top of this forum there is a pinned 'lost of child' thread... where alot of the parents chat daily.  I know they are a great support to one another.  If you go to the top of this "loss of child" forum.. it's the first topic... it's pinned.

You're in my thoughts and prayers..

Eve

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I am sorry for the loss of your dear son, Latrell. There are a group of us that post on the Loss of an Adult Child thread. It does not matter the age of the child. Our group are just moms and dads supporting one another in loss. Hugs.

http://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/41-loss-of-an-adult-child/&page=2302

 

[Latrells Mommy]

Thank you so much. Im going to look at it. Anything is worth a shot right now. Im just trying not to shut down but its really hard. Especially at night.