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a 1,000 months is like just 1 day


angel44

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when you miss your mom, i have found that no matter how much time goes by i feel like i am at day 1. it hasnt been 1,000 months but even if it was, well.

just needing to vent and ty.

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I agree.  My Mom's 2 years is coming up in few weeks, time hasn't healed much.

Everyday I re-live the day  I received the dreaded phone call.   Everyday I long for her smile, her scent, her touch , everyday I want this this nightmare to end.  Everyday reality tells me it is such - reality.

Is it normal to go through such anxiety near a loved one's date of passing?

My doctor of course says I'm suffering from depression, I disagreed with him and said , " I call it mourning".  Is it depression?  My Mom would know.

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I've been in bed most days since my Mom died. I was told that if I'm still like this in about 2 months then I should see a doctor for depression. It's hard to know what is depression verses grieving. The symptoms are the same.

Now I am getting a little worried because I do have a hole in my heart in the morning and my heart beats fast and irregular. Someone told me he thinks I might have heart problems. So now I'm paranoid about that. I assumed it was panicking or something from the trauma of what I've been going through with her death. I hope I don't have a heart attack. But right now doctors are all IDIOTS who failed my Mom so I don't want to go to one.

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I dont blame you only go when you are ready to i have a irregular heart beat also when i get terriably stressed out, and i am ok. And i know what you mean about the depression versas grief, but i wouldnt go to a dr unless you want meds. I would just go to a grief group if you choose to. The therapist's dont know anything anyways. They have never been in our shoes. They have jobs and homes and family. We dont have that. At least for you and me.

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and Ramsfan yes its normal and it ok you are grieving, and that may take years to go thru completely. I havent started to grieve much yet unless crying is that, i did that a lot the first year and a half. I still do at times, but i try to stop grieving and crying and as my sister says put it in  a box and open it later. I agree with her I am not saying for others to do this but it helps me to put it aside and fill that void with meaningless empty things, for my sister unfortunately that is drugs all day and night. And for myself it means shopping all day and then some and going to stores, since i am low income i go to second hand stores and stay for hours and then go to walmart etc or anywhere cheap at all for hours at end. It fills a void in my life. I am not ready to face her being gone at all. I refuse to at this point, At this time in my heart and mind she is just gone for a bit maybe visiting someone far away. She will be coming back home soon someday. In my heart i keep believeing that, that makes her temporary absence ok for now. I cant explain but it helps so much to just feel like she will be back in time. Jesus raised Lazerous maybe someday my mom ? Anything can and does happen. I just stay as positive as i can that she will be back in time. I know she is with me as i have heard her cough or felt her touch in the early mornings here where i live. We both lived togther all of our lives and then some. I shop online a lot to at cheap pleaces and i play pc games anything to fill that void and time on my hands. I do not work due to health problems just my husband does,so i have a ton of time on my hands. Stay positive that she will be home soon, someday.

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being in bed a lot is bad bc you cant sleep at nights etc - the anti depressants i take help me with that they give me energy in the am and then i want to get out and then i sleep better at night or i stay home and clean , what ever it is i do it so that i can sleep at night. i dont know if you want meds but if you do get a good one that gives you energy. dexedrine does that for me ask your dr for that. and see what he thinks but dont tell him about the heart beat or he may not give them to you. i take a fourth a day and it really gets my butt going. and my mind too. which is good for me. i dont think or dwell. i just go and do. PTL for that.

if you dont want meds thats ok to. but do try to leave some and walk or anything so that you can sleep at night.

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butterfly13

angel44-I so understand about the feeling that you will see your mom again.I too have that feeling-can't really explain it to people that haven't lost a loved one-they think I'm crazy.It's just a feeling that she just cannot be gone for good,all that love,personality etc..feeling that I will one day see her again is the only thing that gets me through my days without her.Maybe it's some knowledge that God gives us,that their is an afterlife,and that we will see them again?Hard to explain.i do know,that for about 5months after my mom died,I felt like she was around me,giving me signs that she was ok-than it all stopped-maybe she moved on to where she needed to be?All the strange things (signs)that did happen I wrote down in a little book,because I never want to forget them or doubt that they did happen.If shopping helps you get through your days-than go for it!My thing has always been garage sales-love them-but can't bring myself to go to them anymore because that was something me and my mom loved to do together,it's just not fun anymore without her!Nothing is.

 

 

 

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Angel,

Be careful about the advice you give on medication.  Not telling your doctor about a problem with a heart beat and then having him prescribe a medication could be a serious, if not fatal result.  In prescribing medication a doctor needs to know about anything that could be a potential problem.  Just a caution. 

I have to say that I worry about some of the advice you are doling out here.  Most people get to a point where they want to move on from the constant grief and depression.  We are all different and we all move through it at our own speed, but more than once you have made a comment about not wanting to move on and that worries me.  Moving on is NOT forgetting.  It does not, in any way, diminish the life of the person we lost.  It is normal and healthy to engage in life outside of grief at some point.  If after two years your life is a "void and meaningless," there is something very wrong.  If she is still "just gone" in your mind after this long, this is not healthy.  Again, as I said earlier, loss is a part of EVERYONE'S life, at one time or another.  It is a harsh fact of life, but it is something we all have to face.  It is awful and unbearable, but it is also something that we can and must recover from at some time.  To not do so is unhealthy.  Can you imagine if everyone who lost someone dear to them never worked to move forward and heal?  It would be a dreadful world to live in.  There are many who have faced loss and who have begun to heal.  You can choose to stay where you are, but from your posts, it sounds like a lonely sad place to live.  Wouldn't you rather remember your mother as the wonderful person she was and remember the love and life she shared with you, rather than think only of her death?  Dr. Phil has a great perspective on this.  He says that the person you loved and lost is not defined by the day or the way they died, but by the life they lived.  I would think at some point you would want to begin to step over to the other side and begin to live life again.  Again, we honor those we lost when we live life in a way they would be proud of.  I hope you can find the strength and will to begin to heal at some point. 

I know I would much rather come here and see that there are those who have loved, lost and still live.  It would be so discouraging to me to read only that I have to stay where I am in order to remember that person I lost.  People need encouragement to begin to heal.  They need understanding from those who have also lost, but they really need to know that life will not always feel this way, unless we choose to stay where we are.

Those of you who are very new to this loss...It hurts terribly, feel it.  It feels like it will never change, but it will, if you let it (in time). You do not have to live forever feeling the way you do now.  You will for awhile and you will NEVER forget or get over it, but you can begin to live life remembering your mother without it having to destroy the rest of your life.  Keep moving ahead, no matter what it takes.

DianeS

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Butterfly - I would LOVE to get signs from my Mom. That's one of the most frustrating parts about this is that I don't feel she's sending me any. We were so close that I always felt she would communicate with me if she could. The fact that she hasn't makes me question God and if there is anything after death.

Diane - I understand what you're saying. If I am in this much pain for a very long time I don't think I would survive. I pray that I get to a point where I remember the love we had and let that be my strength. Sometimes I feel better when I think all the love she felt for me is still here. Sometimes that gives me a sense of security. It's just so hard right now because I have all day to think about it and I'm living in her home. Her presence is SO PAINFULLY missed. It's like the entire house changed. Today I went for a 4 hour drive because I woke up with such an awful feeling. I drove and was screaming at the top of my lungs. I cried and screamed and talked to myself. In some ways, I feel better now after doing that. I almost feel like every morning gets worse and that I have to cry in order to feel better later in the day. It will be 3 weeks tomorrow.

Also, about my palipitations, I do think that it's anxiety. I was told people can have panic attacks when they're sleeping and I think that's what is happening to me. The pain stops after I wake up or if I sit up. So I do think it's anxiety and not something wrong with my heart. I could be wrong though. I should get it checked but honestly I truly hate doctors right now. The only reason I used to worry about my health before was because I didn't want my Mom to have to deal with losing me. Now I don't seem to care about myself. Someone told me that the fact that I don't want to care about myself means I'm in a depression. Then they said I might have been in a depression before since it's usually reocurring. So this made me stress out all night. I started wondering if my whole life has been in a depression. My mind isn't working anymore.

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socal2010- Maybe you haven't gotten any signs from your mom because she was able to move on to the next world-where she was supposed to go.My mom could be very stubborn,so I could see her sticking around for awhile,but like I said before,I don't feel my mom around at all anymore,which now has me also questioning if there really is an afterlife?I hate having doubts about that,but I can't help it.My brother has told me that he never got a sign from our mom-and he has been staying at her house since she died.He also says that I wanted so badly to believe that our mom was around,that I took these coincidences as signs from my mom.But,one that stands out to me,and it happened 4 times-I would be staring at a picture of my mom,crying,telling her how much I miss her,and I swear the light went on by itself in the hallway.It hasn't happened since Nov.when it seems to me all signs from her have stopped.Just be open to them,and maybe you will get one.Take care-Butterfly

 

 

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you will eventually see her in maybe in your dreams ? i see my mom there a lot and i know its her -  my whole life has a been a big depression to - the only thing that helps me in my husband and cat and my belief in my mom and God -

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Angel - I started remembering my dreams now. I wake up very emotional. It takes me a couple hours to get back to normal. My dreams of her aren't visits from her as much as stuff that happened that I wish we could change. Like going to that hospital and stuff like that. Or her being worried about her illness and me telling her she'll be fine, which is what we all thought.

Butterfly - My Mom is stubborn too. She didn't want to die so maybe she is still fighting it, I don't know. I am having a hard time believing in an afterlife too. I go back and forth on it. People tell me I will be able to talk to her again someday but then when I ask if they will be regular conversations like on Earth, they stumble and don't know how to answer. Sometimes I think people cling to the idea of heaven just to comfort themselves.

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Yes,I too think that heaven is something that we try to believe in because if we knew for sure that their was nothing after this life,or that our loved ones are gone forever-than we would go crazy!I try to believe,but most times it is hard to imagine.Like what do they do all day there?Do they remember all of us that they left behind?Nobody truly knows these answers,that is what makes it so hard.So many questions I have,not enough answers.

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i wonder what they do all day also - but i know they remember us for sure - i see signs of mom here and there - and i know shes speaking to me - thru different things - some times it will be somehting i see or in a card i see etc - or in a song suddenly playing

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