It's important to spend time with people who can relate

[angel44]

I lost my mom a few years back and I have found that it is so important to spend time with people who can relate. With people who will support you in your grief. It takes time to heal, it's not done in a certain measure of time. You can't simply say it's been so and so many year's time to forget that person now. It just doesn't work that way. I have have had people tell me to forget her now. She's gone let it go etc. I guess you have to consider the source, maybe they really aren't your friend after all and just don't want to hear about your loss anymore. Maybe they want to talk about themselves instead.

 Maybe they are jealous of you and your mom's or who ever it may relationship as they never had that in their own lives. I know many people are jealous of me and my mom's relationship even though she is gone. I guess they never had that with their mom. But that's not my fault. When you met people like this move on, leave them behind. If you don't they will drag you down as much as they can.

And also don't ever listen to people who say it's been time enough don't grieve for her anymore. If you love someone you grieve their loss, they are no longer apart of your life, that is normal, anyone who tells you differently is not normal.  If they can't understand that then walk away. You will find better & real  friend's later on, who do really care.

 

 

 

[socal2010]

Some people just don't understand how close a parent and child can be. My Mom and I were especially close. We were each other's support system. Without her, I really don't have anyone who makes me feel better. My best friend seems annoyed with me when I talk negatively about certain things, such as my Mom's doctors. But THAT'S NORMAL to feel anger towards them. I'm tired of her telling me how to feel. I think you're right about jealousy. People don't understand what they have never experienced. My friend wasn't as close to her parents so she doesn't understand. My half-siblings weren't as close to her either and were ALWAYS jealous of our relationship. So no one understands this but me. I feel I'm going crazy. I don't really know who to turn to. I try to turn to God but when you're upset with God it's hard to turn to Him. I guess we all just have to put one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time. This is torture. I would give anything to go back in time.

[angel44]

Social - me to. I always play a game in my mind I look at things that i had before she died like a piece of furniture or something and think if i could just go back to when i got this or that she was still here. I always wish i could do just that. I think they call that part of grief bargining and i do it constantly and have had since she left. I also wonder at times if i go back to where i last saw her alive at out apt or maybe to a room at the hospital as she was there often if i might find her there. Weird But a part of the bargining i guess. I dont know what stage bargining is at but i do it often and never have stopped yet. I also never accept that she is gone, i just cant i am sorry. I always hope that she is still coming back home to me and to our apt at some point. I still expect her to come thru the door someday. I sorry if i cant let that go. Thats just who i am still i guess. I am a  hopeful person that she is coming back home. Even when i got rid of some of her stuff i felt badly as i though she will need this when she comes back. In my heart i do beleive that she will come back someday. If she ever does i am ready for her. We can get a bed for her and new clothes etc. Please dont laugh. This is the hope that keep me going every day of my life. When i let go of this i wont be able to see her again. So i dont believe that she is gone. I know God could bring her back to me if he wants to.  I am ready when and if that happens, until then i always know that i will see her again some day soon. I believe in God but feel saddness at him also for not healing her & keeping her with me but maybe he did and she is just visiting him for now ? and will return to me soon ?

These thoughts of hope keep me going. Dont ever let anyone tell you they are gone and you will never see them again and to forget them. I have had a few tell me that and its not true. We will see them again, maybe sooner than we think. God healed and brough back Lazerus remember that !!!! 

My so called friend did the same and i no longer speak to that person, find new friends, it is so worth it. You need to let off the steam and speak about the anger etc, me to. The hospice that cared for my mom was terriable. And to make matters worse her family abandoned her and me to the last few years of her life as she was ill and they were to much of cowards to cope. After she passed on things did not change they stayed the same . This one friend i had was that way to, she could not handle it anymore and got rude with me so i said Bye Bye!!! Again if the friend is this way let her go and find a new one so not worth being torn down time after time by a so called friend.

Peace,Angel.

[georgie713]

My dream is that I wake up one morning and find that it is the day before her death. I walk over to her apartment and she is still there sitting in her chair. I join her and tell her of the horrible nightmare that I had. I tell her everything in my life I should have told her before but for some reason never did. She hugs me and tells me she loves me.  We have a wonderful day together. I think I might be able to move on if only I can have those moments I wasted back. There is not one day that I don't think about her, miss her, and long to say I love you mom. As time goes by I know she isn't coming home, I will never hear her laugh again, never argue with her, never roll my eyes at her, and that breaks my heart more than I can express with any words. My life has moved on, at least on the outside and to the view of others. My heart has not though. My sister and I went on our annual trip this year and honestly she is the only person I allow to see how far I have not made it. I started crying and no matter how hard I tried to stop I just couldn't. She is just as bad as I am. We have learned how to hide our pain from those who cannot comprehend what we are going through, but once a year we go away on trip (just us and the kids...husbands stay home) and we allow ourselves to cry without judgment, without giving one another the "oh my god you must be nuts" looks. Instead we join one another. My mom and us girls (3 girls) were very close growing up.  My dad left us and it was just the four of us, we depended and relied on one another, it was us against the world.  No one expected much from any of us, in fact they expected the worse always...why I don't know but that was the way it was. That caused all of us to become thick as thieves. My mom was a good woman who did her best when her husband left her with three small children and no high school education.  She worked her butt off to make sure we had a home and food.  We didn't have much more but we had the basics. I could go on and on about how great of a woman she was, but the funny thing is I never realized it myself until she died.  I never saw how she kept us all together; she was the glue of our family. We are trying to keep it together but it is more difficult than what any of us realized.

I miss her with every ounce of my being. I see nothing strange or funny about anyone believing that they will see their parent again and day dreaming about it. If that thought makes you happy and gives you comfort then go for it. There is so little comfort to be found once we lose our moms and their unconditional love if that dream makes you feel closer and better why should you stop? When we are ready we move on we will but we can't be forced to get over it. I don't think anyone ever really gets over it. I had people who lost their parents over 30 years ago stop by my office when I first returned after my mom's passing who told me their story and teared up like it had happened just yesterday. These people were eager to remember their parents, like they had been holding it in for so long and needed to share. These are people that no one would ever guess that beneath the surface there was a well of pain and extreme feelings of loss.  We never get over it but we all eventually move on, never forgetting.

[angel44]

Georgie thank you so much for that story - i loved every minute of it and i relate totally -my mom was left on her own after my father beat her etc for many years - he forced himself on her thats how i was born and my other sisters to - and i know what you mean when you just need someone to share it all with and not to judge & my mom also worked her butt off to just keep both of us feed so i know how you feel plus every one always expected the worse of us to   - email me any time you like i am here for you too    -            hugs, and peace - Angel