don't know what to do..

[mariesgirl1953]

These last few days/weeks have been extremely hard for me. My husband doesn't seem to care at all about what I'm going through and my dad has completely cut me off. Yesterday morning, I was getting my son ready for playschool and because I was still getting both of us ready at 8:50am (he started school at 9am) my husband said that I was a horrible mother. "If it was me getting him ready, he would already be dropped off at school by now" these comments are so hurtful. My beautiful mam passed away suddenly 6 months ago and my husband doesn't care one bit. My dad constantly sides with him over everything. He even said my mam would hate me for the way I'm acting and she would be so disappointed in me... That really hurt me. My husband rang him behind my back yesterday hurling abuse down the phone to my dad ( I know this because he told me) out of the blue, my dad rang me and said "I'm breaking his heart, and don't end you marriage, think of what it will do to me" (my dad) of course I'm thinking of my son in all of this. I'm just so broken... My mam always was a fantastic medieator and she took a calm approach to sorting situations. Something I can't do. My dad is totally against me and is siding with my husband... Me and my dad where never really close. Its me and my mam who have an unbreakable bond. Now he won't even answer my calls.... I really thought he would be there for me and I don't even have his or my husbands support .. I don't know what to do.... Maybe if I just take some pills I can be with my beautiful mam... I can't do this anymore... Not without her... I miss her so much.... I want her back... Nothin will ever be the same again

[mariesgirl1953]

Sorry, forgot to mention my husband also called me some nasty names which I can't mention on here... But when he did call me the "C" word my dad just stood there and let him do it. And he is very loose with that perticular word. Doesn't care who he offends by saying it. And he also uses it openly around my son who is 4. He said I'm as good as a dried up old...... (I think you get the picture) and talking to me is like talking to a ------- brick wall. Again my dad didn't flinch. He said my husband is right!! My mam absolutely DETESTED that foul word. And I don't blame her. Its the most degrading word that a man can say to a woman. And even worse coming out of a Womans mouth. It's pure and utter filth.

 

 

I really don't know what to do..... I just wanna be with my incredible mam... I want her back

[cindyjane]

Hugs mariesgirl1953

One sentence in your post really jumped off the page for me......  "My mam always was a fantastic medieator and she took a calm approach to sorting situations."

My mom had that SPECIAL quality too!   Our mom's left us a real gift when they departed.  I say grab onto that gift that your mom left for you and use it .... she showed you how to handle tough situations.  How to defuse difficult situations with grace and dignity.  

There have been so many times when I've had an issue with another person who I felt has wronged me and during those times before I say a word, I ask myself ... what would my mom say?  What would my mom do?  When I took the time to ask myself those questions it prevented me from blurting out something I would later regret AND it put a stop to other people's bad behaviors.  I remember many times my mom not saying a word and quietly walking away leaving a big mouth trouble maker alone with their terrible words.  You see when we don't respond to foolishness, that puts an end to arguments and disagreements.  After all, it takes 2 people to argue, right.  Yep, we've been left with gifts and for that I am grateful!

I hope this helps.

Cindy Jane

[nutella1]

Hi Marie girl, 

It sounds like you're in a really lonely situation *big hug*. You are doing your best and it's OK not to be OK. It might not be other people's 'best' but they're not in your situation. You're struggling and that's okay...but you're still getting on with things. Remember that. That you are doing better than you think. You could easily neglect your child to hide away in to your own world but like a good mother you're putting him before yourself. He sounds like one very big reason to keep on keeping on.

I'm not in your situation but I can relate in a way of sorts. Im 28, my dad died a month ago,  he was my best friend and also a kind amazing parent. My relationship with him was what most people I know have with their mothers, and was the opposite to what I had and have with my Mum. My mum can be cruel and uncaring, it's always been this way and I feel so much anger and it makes the ordeal of not having my Dad so much worse. I wish my Dad was here because he could tell me what to do and how to cope, even without saying a word. I feel completely lost, but this morning I was able to choose to focus on my love of my Dad and not the anger I feel for how my mum and unsupportive friends are treating me. I'm really not in a good place, but for half an hour I managed it and I feel a bit better for it. It's cliché but don't let people give you such a bad time that you forget the good times with your mum.

Who knows what's going on in your Dad's head. Could he be acting up so you reach out to him to ask if he's OK? Your Dad will no doubt be all over the place though it sounds like it's nothing new to you.

As for your husband it sounds like you are worth more than how you're being treated. And when you've got more strength (you've got amazing strength already) I hope that you can teach him how to treat you or not settle for less than you deserve as you'd never let your boy do that.

I've been praying every night that I don't wake up in the morning and think about being with my Dad rather than here but I don't know if that would put everything my Dad's ever done and sacrificed for me to waste. So I can see why the idea of taking pills would appeal to you.

I can't understand how hard your situation is but remember your boy and when you miss your mum hug him/tell him you love him/do something that will make him happy. I think that's what my Dad did for me when he missed his Dad and how he was such an amazing parent. Your son deserves to see how wonderful your Mum was and only you can show him. And also you're doing so well. So lots to live for and to remember when people are getting you down!x