Loss of Brother and Cousin

[TRA18]

Hi Everyone, 

I just want to express what's happened to me. My brother committed suicide less than 5 months ago. He did this a week before my mums and my birthday. The funeral was between my mums and my birthday, which our birthdays are a week from Christmas. On the funeral day of my brother my cousin died due to his on going cancer. We knew that my cousin was coming to the end but my brother was so sudden. He was only 18 and I was only 16-17. Our birthdays were hard and so was Christmas. 

Everyone says it gets better with time. I have had many traumas in my life and I can guarantee that nothing heals with time. My life feels empty and I find it hard at school. I break down and the few friends I have can't understand and make things hard on me. I've put on 15-20 kilos since the deaths. 

Life feels like one big dark cloud that hovers over me. When I feel like I may see a rainbow, I get stuck by lightning. I don't feel angry at my brother for it. I just wished he could have reached out to me like I always did to him. 

Not a day goes past where I don't stop thinking about him and talking to him. Screaming for his guidance. Screaming to see if he is watching over me. 

[Aurora4316]

Hey I'm also a teenager, and I know how hard it is having friends that don't understand grief. my best freind constantly asks me what's wrong when she knows that sister passed away. She also compared my sister passing away to her her breakup with her boyfriend, that hurt a lot.The other friends I have simply don't seem to care, I could have a emotional breakdown at the cafeteria or at class and they wouldnt understand why. ive realized now that they haven't lost a sibiling so they don't know what to do. As for my classes schoolwork always distracts me from my problems.