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My Big Brother passed and I found him


NessMarie

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NessMarie

April 14, 2016 was supposed to be just a regular Thursday night for me. I was still on my "spring break" week from teaching. It was late and my hubby Steven and I were watching tv and debating on ordering food. We decided not to and said let's go to bed. Not even 20 minutes after we laid down, we both got a group message from my brother's fiance. She asked if we were awake and I responded yes. She continued to write that she couldn't get in contact with Javi - my big brother. I popped up and immediately my heart started to race. She tried calling his phone and job and no answer. So she asked if we would take a ride to his job. OF COURSE! While we waited, Steven began to call police departments asking if they had heard anything about my brother. Whether a ticket he didn't know about or a car accident on his way home, but no police department heard anything. So Lisa - my brother's fiance, arrived at my house and we got in the car. She told us she talked to him at like 10:15pm that night and he was turning his car on and finishing loading the truck for tomorrow. While we drove to my brothers job which was a 10 minute drive, we thought maybe he fell asleep, maybe he was robbed, maybe he went out. We pulled into the driveway of the warehouse my brother worked at. We saw his car on and immediately ran to it but he wasn't there. So we really got scared and ran to the warehouse. We ran to the left side of the loading dock where the truck was pulled backwards. We were calling his name, and Steven poked his head into the back of the truck and saw my brother and with no hesitation said "it’s bad we have to call and ambulance!" We freaked out! We ran to the other side and made our way into the warehouse where we found my big brother. He was laying on the back of the truck face down with the forklift forks that had a palette on it on top of his back! IT WAS CRUSHING MY BROTHER!! We screamed his name trying to get him to get up and tell us he was okay! But there was no response. We saw that the forklift was still on and it all looked so scary! Steven went to feel for a pulse, he said nothing. I went to shake my brother’s hand and yell his name but when i touched his hand, it was cold as ice and hard as a rock. So we ran out of the warehouse screaming. We ran to the next warehouse screaming asking begging pleading for someone to know how to drive a forklift. While Lisa and Steven were doing that they were also calling the ambulance. I ran to the street signaling for help. The car that stopped just so happened to be an undercover police. I led them in. We ran in screaming for him! All they did was question us. Finally the ambulance and more police came. All we could do was scream! Inside my heart I knew he was gone but I couldn’t bare to say the words. They made us go into his office away from the scene so the emts and police could see what they could do. They refused to move the forklift. They just wanted to know what happened and how did we find him. The police just kept telling us that the emts were trying to revive him but how could they do that when they didn’t even move the forklift?? All I was doing was calling my mom, telling her something happened and she had to get over to us. That night she was staying at my grandparents house near by so she arrived quick. I tried calling my dad but I never got an answer. That’s when the news came, the policeman came in and said I’m sorry he is unresponsive there was nothing they could do and they pronounced him dead at 1:30am on 4/15/16. I freaked! I called my mom again and she said they wouldn’t let her in but they wouldn’t less us out either! No one could reach my dad and I was having an anxiety attack in that office. I threw the chair I almost broke the door. My life was upside down. My brother was lying there dead, and there was nothing I could do! They finally let us out of the office to go outside. I had to tell my mom. She was lost! She wanted to die! We still couldn’t reach my dad! My brother’s godfather came and some more family came. Still no word on my father. Since my mom was going crazy there was a police officer that kept watch over her because she continued to make comments on what she was going to do to herself. He asked if there was something he could do. She asked if the police in the town my parents live in can go to the house and wake my dad up. Finally almost 2 hours later, the police banged on the door and woke my dad up and brought him to where we were. Hearing the news so late broke my dad. Knowing what happened broke our family to pieces. We stayed at the job site for almost 6 and a half hours before they finally moved the forklift off of him. The medical examiner that showed up just so happened to know my parents and couldn’t believe he was there for my brother. Because the police continued to tell my parents they weren't allowed to see their own son, the medical examiner told my parents he will let them see their son before he took him away. Watching from afar as they put my brother in a bag like he was trash was breaking my heart. Finally the time came, we were allowed to see him. Seeing my brother’s lifeless body laying there in a bag, with his arms completely stiff, tongue halfway hanging out of his mouth with dry blood, and a completely blood shot eye. I broke. Seeing my parents and his fiance react broke me. My life was turned 360 in a matter of a night.

The funeral arrangements were tough. I made sure he took our famous baby picture with him in his pocket. He wore his favorite sneakers and dressed like he was ready to go out. We also froze his sperm, so that maybe one day we can still have a piece of a huge part of my family. I was really strong at the funeral, I gave a speech that I could never prepare for. My dog, his favorite buddy came to the funeral and he was so emotional. Then the day that really sucked came. Closing the casket. I broke! It hurt! It still hurts. My brother was not buried, he was entombed. He is in a mausoleum.

I moved out of my parents house a year ago to live 10 minutes away. I go to the house everyday. This is the house where we spent half our life growing up in. And he still lived there before he died. That house feels so empty. I leave my dog there everyday so my mom doesn’t feel lonely.

I’ve been searching for a way to make contact with my brother. And I found a medium show. We went. I was skeptical. The medium was making contact for her 5th audience member when she said, I’m getting a message from a young man who recently passed, he says his family is here. I started to freak out a little bit. She finally approached my mother who was sitting at a different table. She said, the way i died was suppose to be the way i left. You guys were suppose to find me. Not the ambulance not co workers. It was fast, it was quick. That’s what really stuck. I’m still a skeptic but I have hope. I’m hoping there is an afterlife so that I will be able to see my brother again.


My mind is never at ease anymore. I try talking to my brother everyday. I wish I could know that he is okay! My brother was an amazing person! Always smiling, always happy, dressed to impress all the time, and he was so beautiful! I hate that it took me til now to see and realize how much we really do look alike. I look in the mirror and see him! My brother was only 30 years old. He had a whole life ahead of him! He was going to get married! I’m so angry! I have nothing but sadness and anger!  He was my only brother and now it's just me! I miss him soo much and I CAN’T get over my anger.

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ModKonnie

I'm so utterly sorry you and your family have had to suffer such a horrific nightmare. I want to tell you that anger is a very normal part of grieving, especially when our lost loved one is young and the tragedy seems so darn senseless. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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You are welcome. How are you doing today? Some people write letter to their lost loved ones. They say it makes them feel better. Have you tried that? 

ModKonnie

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@ModKonnie Good Morning. I am doing okay.. I haven't written a letter to my brother no.. I just talk to him everyday. My mind just races everyday trying to figure out what went wrong that night. My mind is never at ease. Some days are better than others.. but I may try writing a letter.. thank you

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You are welcome. I know it doesn't help, but in time your mind will begin to be at ease somewhat. I know that we can literally drive ourselves crazy with the "What ifs..." and "Why?" but, well, we may not know for a very long time. My brother was killed in a car wreck many years ago. It was very difficult (at best) at first, but in time, it's been much better. The suddenness of the whole thing is what I think was the horrible shocker--one minute I was getting out of the car as he dropped me off at home, and then just minutes later he was dead. The trauma was just horrific. I'm sure you are reeling from all that, too. 

ModKonnie

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@ModKonnie Yes we can drive ourselves crazy and that's exactly what's been happening! I also found a support group I will start attending Thursday nights. And I know my answers will never be answered. I have come to that realization already. I am also very sorry about your brother! May I ask what you mean by it's been much better? How? How is it better? I feel like that will never be.. And I'm so sorry to hear how your brother passed. Yes, the suddenness of how the trauma happened is definitely the horrible part! Thank you again for continuing to reply to me.. 

Vanessa

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What I meant by much better was the pain of grieving lessens from the horrible piercing, breath-taking sharpness to eventually a dull ache that flairs up but becomes manageable. It takes time, though. Also, whether a person wants to or not, a new "normal" develops that's easier over time to accept. When people say "move on," well--we all know that's impossible because nobody "moves on" from losing a dear loved one. Instead, we move forward as best as we can. I've learned, too, that we are still "allowed" to love the person we've lost. We never have to give that up. 

Does that make sense? 

I'm so glad you've found a support group. You will have to tell me how it goes. 

ModKonnie

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MyShatteredHeart

I just found this forum, and I know the comments are a few weeks old, but NessMarie, I want to say I am so, so very sorry about your brother. He was only 30, that is so devastating. Thank you for sharing your story. Losing a sibling is horrendous. You lose your past, present and future. No one knows you like a sibling and you can't share with others like you can a sibling. It sounds like you were close with your brother. He will be in your heart always. This just happened in April, so you will feel broken for a while before it starts to lessen.

I lost my older sister and only sibling last year. I was just like you and your mom, so broken and out of mind with grief and despair. Actually, I still feel that way. Some days I want to just scream and break anything in my path. I am also just sad and angry. Sometimes those are the only emotions I feel. I HATE this life now. We were so extremely close. She was my only social hub and the best big sister you could ask for. She really looked out for me and no one will ever do that for me again. She knew me better than anybody.

She had congestive heart failure, but we thought it was being managed. She got sick one weekend, and my mother and I just waited and waited to call an ambulance. My mom was hoping a family member would drive us in the morning. She didn't make it through the night and I found her the morning we were supposed to go to the hospital. I will never forget her face. I knew right away she was gone. She was stiff and I couldn't even get her mouth open to do CPR. I will NEVER, EVER, EVER forgive myself. I know deep down had we called 911 she'd be here. I just know it. It's so hard to know that we gambled with her life, waiting and doing nothing. She was basically unconscious, yet my mom is calling family to drive us instead of just calling 911, and I just let her decision influence me. So I'm just as guilty and blame myself everyday.

I am an 'only child' now as well and I hate it. It's the worse feeling in the world knowing you grew up with someone, had a life with them and now they are just one. There was potentially another 40 years with my sister. We are losing so much future with them. That hurts so much. Just know that you are not alone. I did just find this forum, but if you need to talk, please do, just message me as well.

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NessMarie, I'm very sorry for your loss, my sister died a week before your brother, 4/7/16 it was the saddest day of my life, I cried all day long, and I still cry everyday til this moment, she was only 22 year old, she had a whole life ahead of her, i got the news while I was at the airport on my way to DC, i didn't get to see her or to say goodbye, i came to the U.S. in september and haven't seen her since then, we skyped sometimes, and we texted each other sometimes, she was always complaining about her illness, she suffered a lot, she missed the first semester of college, she had 2 brain surgeries, none of them worked, then she had a third and last one, it didn't work either and she ended up passing away, she is my only sister, she was my best friend, i did everything with her, i always hang out with her, I'm only 17 and I'm goi g through really hard times right now, sometimes i feel that I'm ok and i think i'm dealing with it well, but sometime I just feel so sad, so lonely.. i think about her all the time, everything reminds me of her, and I miss her really bad, I can't imagine the sadness my parents are also going through, since they were there when she died, they saw everything, it must have been really heartbreaking. I always find myself talking to her, hoping that she can hear me, telling her how much I love her, and asking her to forgive me for crying, I just miss her so bad and I can't imagine my future without her, it's dark! :(

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