Members Sole-Mate Posted May 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted May 5, 2016 Well, it is now 5 years. I seem to have marked the time in yearly milestones and this year has been one of actually planing and thinking of myself and my future. Over the years I have dabbled into the dating scene but only topical. I really was trying to get out and about into the social environments. So, this last year has been one of thinking of myself and not pining over a loss. I have essentially sent all of her jewelry and personal items to our nieces and god daughters and they loved the idea of having these things. I was not sure how it would work, but I figured these things might bring more joy to the children for many years to go along with good memories. I moved pictures out of sight because the memories would always pop up. Now, I feel I have a best friend to talk to that listens instead of lost spouse. A good friend is a good thing! As far as moving forward I like to get out and talk to people and leave it at that and I go home to my space. I have found that I am thinking of my enjoyments in life and what I want to do and how I want to live and scheduling my life. It may seem selfish but I am at that point that I am taking care of myself and not taking care of others. But, it works for me. So, not sure if I will invite people into my personal life as I enjoy doing things that I can do on a moments notice and meet a wide range of people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted May 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted May 5, 2016 Sole-mate, This is good to hear that you are moving forward. You give others hope and courage. Thanks for sharing. ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KensLove Posted May 14, 2016 Members Report Share Posted May 14, 2016 It is such a long process. I hope I will learn to cope as well as you have Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sole-Mate Posted June 14, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted June 14, 2017 I was doing okay there for almost 6 years, my wife passed June 14, 2011. I do not date or engage in anything special. I enjoy just getting out and talking to everybody and anybody without expectations. BUT, on 27 May 2017, just a few short weeks ago, my bother passed away at 58. Now, after getting his burial squared away and back at work, it all starts to sink in. I have buried my entire 5 member family and I am the last one standing. I am it! I was glad to be able to give my bro a great send off since he was a disabled vet that I cared for solely the last 10 years, but for 35 years as a family. I was always worried that if I passed first there would be no one to take care of him let alone remember him as a USMC Veteran. I feel somewhat relieved about it. I am am sitting here thinking how my bro, my sis and my wife should all be here right now and we all should grow old together. It is missing and there is something wrong with this picture. I am not so sure the next 30 years without all of them is going to be something to look forward too. I am definitely the last man standing. Bummer! It sucks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4Hdad Posted June 14, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 14, 2017 Sole-Mate, I am so sorry for your losses. Death sucks! I don't know what else to say. I also don't know if it get's any easier when it happens again, but I do hope so. You're a good brother, sir. My best wishes to you continuing to move forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 15, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted June 15, 2017 Sole-Mate, My husband's birthday is June 14 but he passed June 19, Father's Day, 2005. Sometimes new losses bring up the old ones so it compounds. With your having lost all your immediately family, it's bound to feel weird. You no longer have to worry about one of them being the last one and no one to take care of them, but now you're the last one and that's bound to be hard. I'm not sure (per 4Hdad) it gets any easier with subsequent ones, I don't think it has with me, but each death/loss is as unique as our relationships were so they're not all the same. You'e right, we should be growing old together instead of facing old age alone. I try not to think about what the future holds and do my best to live in the moment and appreciate what good there is about this day, if I venture into the future it invites anxiety so I try to stay in today, it's enough to deal with anyway. "It sucks" is an understatement! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sole-Mate Posted June 15, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2017 As always, come what may, I will move forward. One thing I will miss is the caring part of the relationships. My bro was my charge and there was this constant presence and concern for him just as there was for my wife, but now, there is no "need" for a constant vigil over them. That part of caregiving or concern is gone and I suppose that part of the living life experience is going to be missed. Sort of the paternal instinct of taking care of things is gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted June 17, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 17, 2017 On 5/5/2016 at 11:04 AM, Sole-Mate said: Well, it is now 5 years. I seem to have marked the time in yearly milestones and this year has been one of actually planing and thinking of myself and my future. Over the years I have dabbled into the dating scene but only topical. I really was trying to get out and about into the social environments. So, this last year has been one of thinking of myself and not pining over a loss. I have essentially sent all of her jewelry and personal items to our nieces and god daughters and they loved the idea of having these things. I was not sure how it would work, but I figured these things might bring more joy to the children for many years to go along with good memories. I moved pictures out of sight because the memories would always pop up. Now, I feel I have a best friend to talk to that listens instead of lost spouse. A good friend is a good thing! As far as moving forward I like to get out and talk to people and leave it at that and I go home to my space. I have found that I am thinking of my enjoyments in life and what I want to do and how I want to live and scheduling my life. It may seem selfish but I am at that point that I am taking care of myself and not taking care of others. But, it works for me. So, not sure if I will invite people into my personal life as I enjoy doing things that I can do on a moments notice and meet a wide range of people. Good for you; I'm truly glad that you are able to move forward with your life and future. I'm not there yet (it's only been 6 months) but your story gives others on this website hope that nothing is impossible. I don't see myself dating again, or opening my life to others; but that's just me and I'm OK with it. I'll try to live the rest of this life to its fullest with anticipation of being with my Charles again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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