Lost of My Beloved Son

[MommaSouss]

My beloved son, Aymen, who was 29 years old passed on 02/28/2016 in his sleep from complications to severe sleep apnea. He was engaged to a lovely girl whom he lived with and she is devastated, lost, lonely and her world is turned upside down.    I also have two daughters that are also struggling with this sudden death of their big brother.  I knew his sleep apnea was very severe (he had both obstructive and central sleep apnea) but he was getting medical attention, had surgery to help obstruction and used a Bi-Pap machine.  I knew he was always tired because he had such a hard time wearing his machine because it had such high pressure and the doctors prescribed meds to help him tolerate his machine.  His finance was out of town and came home and found him.  He had passed out at work that day but refused to go to the hospital.  His work told him go home without calling any of his emergency contacts and he went home, went to sleep and never woke up.  So, not only are we grieving, we are extremely angry no-one from work reached out to us to let us come get him so he may have survived by insisting he get medical attention.  I know he is an adult and had the right to refuse treatment but you never know his mental state if he was that ill.  

I am trying every outlet to help cope with this tragedy.  I have a life coach I speak to once a week, I go to Compassionate Friends, I go to a Psychologist, I am reading on how to heal my life, I meditate and I listen to recordings.  My Psychologist suggested I try an online forum, so here I am.  My son and I were extremely close, I spoke or text with him every day.  I was helping him make his future plans of marriage, children, buying his first home, etc.  I feel so robbed of his future.  Part of my extreme pain is for my daughters and his finance.  I don't know how to help them because I am having such a hard time helping myself.  I recently moved to Colorado and work from home and it makes it even more difficult for me.  I don't have many friends or social interaction.  I feel sorry for my boyfriend, my x husband, my girls and friends because whenever I see or speak to them at some point I break down - usually hysterically.   I don't like starting each day because each day when I wake up I am hoping this was just a nightmare.

In a few weeks I will be traveling back to NC for my son's 30th birthday.  My girls, his finance, a few family members and his close friends will be there.  I am already worried about how to handle it all.  I get panicked when I start to get upset.  Certain things really make me upset such as certain songs or music.  People have been so kind and he was so loved by so many.  

I have read a lot of the advice of the kind members on here.  I never thought I would be in a group of grieving parents, I am sure none of you did.  I just don't know how to cope.  It is particularly hard for me hearing that even after years and years its still so hard because I know that is how it will be for me.  I cannot imagine living a long life without my son but I have to get strong for my girls.  

I also thought I would share my story because there are so many people out there who are unaware of how dangerous sleep apnea really can be. It doesn't discriminate, young, old, babies, thin, overweight, male, female, etc....can all have it.  My son was diagnosed in college and his got progressively worse.  His was very severe, he stopped breathing 30 x in an hour while he was asleep.  If he was able to wear his machine consistently, he slept better than most.  Since his story has been told to many, many have gone to get tested.  I hope it will save lives or at least add to the quality of others lives.

I appreciate any advice - I know we are all struggling.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I am sorry for the loss of your dear son, Aymen. Please come and join us on the Loss of an Adult Thread. There are a group of us who meet there on a regular basis. We share our children, experiences, and daily struggles.

Here is a direct link

http://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/41-loss-of-an-adult-child/&page=2294

Hugs.

[mydeepestthoughts]

To the family of MommaSouss
                    Our greatest enemy death has touched your family, and I would like to extend my deepest condolences on the loss of your loved one. Your loss as a mother is something that I cannot begin to comprehend. 
                     I am participating in a volunteer work reaching out to loved ones suffering thru this experience, and sharing a promise that brings hope at this time of hopelessness. The promise is at John 11:25  "Jesus said to her: “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who exercises faith in me, even though he dies, will come to life;"  This is a promise that gives us hope!!
                  The Bible promises that in the future, such pain, and grief that you are feeling now will be no more.  Rev 21 :3,4 reads
 3: With that I heard a loud voice from the throne say: “Look! The tent of God is with mankind, and he will reside with them, and they will be his people. And God himself will be with them. 4: And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” 
But can this really take place?  The link to the tract below gives bible based hope, and proof that this will take place. May you find peace, and comfort at this most difficult time. 

https://www.jw.org/en/publications/books/dead-live-again-tract/dead-live-again/