Boyfriend died last year

[cloversquid]

Not sure how this will help me yet, but I'm hoping someone will come around with a similar experience around losing a partner to schizophrenia or mental illness that isn't suicide.

A little over a year ago, 3/18/15, my boyfriend died from polydipsia. It's when a schizophrenic person drinks too much water, thinking it will cure them of whatever mental or physical pain/illness they are feeling... He didn't kill himself. It wasn't suicide. He told me how much he loved life the day before he died. He was trying to help himself in his own convoluted way. He found out he was schizophrenic about a year before he died, but he didn't tell me. He told his mom and they kept it mostly a secret. I knew he had something going on, but I respected his privacy and let him deal with it. He was taking his medications irregularly which I think is part of what led to his death. I found out about his diagnoses on his discharge papers (He was checked into a mental hospital a couple of times previous) that I found while cleaning his room... I just wish he'd told me. 

We met when I was 13 and he was 15 through a mutual friend, and I moved away we just visited each other every few months and texted a lot. We were together 3 years and 8 months. He was going to propose to me for my 18th birthday. He was basically the perfect match for me, and I don't know if I will ever find anyone like him again. Or anyone who could compare to him. I don't know if I can fall in love again. I know I'm young, and I'm sure I will someday, but it's just so hard to imagine ever loving anyone the way I loved him. He was my other half. Our parents and our friends were convinced we were perfect for each other and even though we had our rough patches like every other couple, it was mostly about the distance and his recurring mental breakdowns, along with my own depression and anxiety. I was sure we could get through it together, and he was sure he could fix himself so he could be the best version of himself for us, his family, and our future kids. (We wanted two...) He lost his father and his uncle and had a pretty traumatic Mormon upbringing, so the added mental illness just brought him over the edge I guess. 

 

I don't know. Ask me questions about my experience or tell me about yours. I would love to hear about anyone my age dealing with this or who've had similar experiences, and I don't mind answering questions for others who are curious and/or dealing with their own losses. Thanks everyone... 

[ModKonnie]

I am very sorry about your  loss. I have not experienced the loss of a boyfriend like you have, but there are many here who have similar experiences. Hopefully, they will be able to offer you support and encouragement. 

One thing you may want to consider is to join a support group where you meet with others in person and talk about your loss. That could really help you understand and move forward. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

 

[claribassist13]

cloversquid, 

I've got a very similar experience to yours. 
I met my fiance when I was 15, although we didn't start dating until we were 17. We were together for 2 years and 8 months before he was killed in a car vs. train accident. At the time he died we were all but engaged. The engagement ring arrived a month after his death. 

It's impossible for me to ever think of loving someone else. I firmly believe in soulmates, and he was most definitely mine. I have the same questions and concerns that you do. In a world where soulmates just seem to not exist anymore, how are we supposed to recover from the loss of "the one"? And yeah, we are both young, but our youth doesn't negate our feelings. You hear couple all the time say "I just knew they were the one" and I never understood how someone could just know. But I knew with him, and I am sure you could say the same thing about your boyfriend. People assume that just because we are young we can't possibly know when we love someone. And that is just complete bullshit (pardon the language). 

We may love someone again, and we may not. Either choice is perfectly okay. You have to follow your heart and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Don't let others pressure you into grieving faster simply because "you can find a new love" or "there are other fish in the sea".

Feel free to discuss whatever you need. There will always be someone willing to listen.  

[x0sierraaahhx0]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you are feeling and it sucks. My boyfriend and the love of my life passed away 6 months ago and it still hurts just the same. Feel free to message me, it's nice to vent to others that actually have been through it, it helps.