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Lost my sister


Renae07

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I am finally reaching out, feeling as though I have to do something, instead of suffer alone. 

My sister died at the age of 48, from cirrhosis of the liver. at least that is what we all believe she died from. She refused to go to the hospital. She had ascites. ( fluid in the abdomen), and kept pretending that she was okay. I absolutely begged, cried and pleaded with her to go to the hospital. She kept insisting that nothing was wrong, and that she would be okay. She died exactly two weeks later. I hadn't seen her in that period of time.  She just stopped answering anyone. The sad truth is, I believe that she committed suicide. I can't even remotely be okay. I feel so much guilt for her death. She suffered a lot of abuse from our mother, as we all did, She drank because she felt trapped, and alone. I have cut myself off from my family of origin. I think I am getting suicidal, and getting very worried, that I am not going to make it through this. I wish so much that I had the support of my family, but that is just not to be. I have my husband, to the best of his ability. Just in need of some friendship and encouragement. And help through this crisis.

 

Thank you for reading:)

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Hello there,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Death is not an easy thing to deal with. You can find comfort and hope in the bible. Revelations 21; 3, 4 gives us hope that one day we will never have to suffer, cry or experience the pain of losing a love on in death. I know you are hurt and want to end the pain now but consider 3 reasons to keep living. And think about the hurt you would leave behind for you family. Take comfort in reading the bible because the bible tells us that there will be a time whem we can possibly see out love ones again John 11; 25, 26. Have faith that Jehovah (Psalms 83;18) God will give you endurance and help you to cope. The bible tells us at 1 John 5:14 that when we pray Jehovah hears us. My constantly for help to endure. All things are possible with Jehovah's help. I hope you have a wonderful night (hugs).  

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1 hour ago, Dhines said:

Hello there,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Death is not an easy thing to deal with. You can find comfort and hope in the bible. Revelations 21; 3, 4 gives us hope that one day we will never have to suffer, cry or experience the pain of losing a love on in death. I know you are hurt and want to end the pain now but consider 3 reasons to keep living. And think about the hurt you would leave behind for you family. Take comfort in reading the bible because the bible tells us that there will be a time whem we can possibly see out love ones again John 11; 25, 26. Have faith that Jehovah (Psalms 83;18) God will give you endurance and help you to cope. The bible tells us at 1 John 5:14 that when we pray Jehovah hears us. My constantly for help to endure. All things are possible with Jehovah's help. I hope you have a wonderful night (hugs).  

Thank you for your kindness. I will read those verses. Hugs to you. 

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tinak121093

I lost my sister 7 years ago this month ...she was a drug addict but would give you the shirt off her back...even though she was what she was she still had the best heart ever...however it wasn't the drugs that killed her unfortunately she got hit by a car while crossing the street and she was actually trying to get her life together at the time...and even though it's been a while since she left me I miss her so much....sometimes I think she was the lucky one.I've tried to commit suicide many times but didn't succeed and she wanted to live but instead she died and I'm still here somehow that don't seem fair...I just don't understand why people who have so much to live for has to die and someone like me who has nothing but sadness and constant depression has to stay here...when ppl say life isn't fair they really don't realize just how true that statement really is

 

 

 

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I am very sorry for the loss of your sister. That would be very hard. Especially since she was trying to get her life together. I have felt the way you do many of times. It is super difficult to understand why things are the way they are. My sister was the kind of person that would have done anything for anyone. There were a lot of people who took advantage of her. They used her because of her kindness. She was my only friend. I have no idea where life goes from here. 

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Mreedrosati

I lost my dearest sister, as I call her, my sissy (she called me this too) and it was 3 months ago. I agree, the Bible has been my aid, my comfort and care during this time. I find myself drifting out of the shock and denial to now facing the truth, she is no longer on this earth. Days like today I wake and face it, I pray, I  made a memorial for reflection in my house and some days I don't visit it, and today I did. 

I wept today. I wept and wept and wanted comfort but found none in humans. I find this is a tough chore at times, picking myself up and pushing ever so gently. Times I don't want to go workout, leave the house or my pajamas and I have to work on accepting that just may be OK for the day. I do think I push myself at times a bit much for I find days like today a crash that I even dream about before it occurs- I dream I'm weeping but can't get tears out. 

I have faith I truly do and I know when I let go of my pain long enough I can feel her presence all around me. I know she's there, she's here and with me and loves me so much and I am so grateful truly grateful she was a great sister to me and despite all of her struggles (she fought so damn hard to live and through her addictions and found sobriety for five years before she died) she and I had a great love together.  

I think what is the most difficult aspect of this is that I find myself in this world, a world where I am alone at times even when around others, isolated by my pain and new view of this earth and at times hard on myself- wishing I could be the same person I was before. Those days are the difficult ones for I mourn for myself, my mother, my father, her son, husband and family. Times I mourn for my husband for I worry he misses his old wife, the one who was happy. I mourn for my friends for it feels like there is a huge piece of me, if not all of my insides are gone. If not, dead with her. 

Someone asked me if I've lost my identity- as a sister, a person born to accompany her as her baby sister, i can fully answer Yes. I have. I can only think to turn my will and life over to God every day. 

 

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Mreedrosati,

Thank you so much for what you said. You honestly said everything I feel. I couldn't have articulated that any better. I read what you wrote, to my husband, so maybe, he might understand what I am feeling. I am so sorry about your sister as well:( Looks like we both lost our sissy's around the same time. I honestly have such a difficult time writing. I use to be able to write so freely. Now, I just feel up scrambled up in my mind. Like there is absolutely no clear thought. Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. Then I read about the " crazy" feeling, that you can experience when in the grieving process. I know that the loss of my sissy, absolutely changed me as well. It left me, like you, with no identity. It is so tough to try to explain what my sisters death did to me. I know, from what you are experiencing as well, that I am not alone. It feels as though I am though. 

All of the people in my life that I feel the most sorrow for, it is my little boys. They lost their mom, and this crazy, emotional mess, of a woman, is now who takes care of them. I feel like I wish I could send them away from me, so they can be happy, and not have to see me a mess, and have to deal with all of these horrible emotions I have. I just feel like such a lousy, angry, basket case. Wow...I pray with all of my heart, that I can get through this quickly. I wanted to tell you, thank you for responding to my post. Many hugs to you, and I know we will make it through this, just wondering who will emerge in the end. Hugs to you.P.S. I ask God daily too. Always asking for his grace, and love. 

Also wanted to mention as well, how my sister died was extremely difficult to understand. There is a lot of anger about that. It was just such a senseless waste. I just wish so much that she would have reached out for help. Or maybe it wouldn't have made much of difference. My sister was sober for many years. She did drink occasionally, but not on a regular basis. Only for about the last 6 or 7 years did she begin to drink heavily. It just took control of her. Gosh...it is such a hard demon to fight. I have read so much about such young people dying from alcohol and drug abuse, and just cry...wow, the loss:( I watched her decline, and knew her drinking problem was getting worse. It was just to the point that she wasted away. No one wanted to talk about the elephant in the room. Those are the parts that hurt the most. The denial that a family lives in. I know it wasn't anyone's fault, but I just feel like something could have made a difference. Guess that is part of the grieving process, bargaining. Sigh...:(

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