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Lost Soulmate to Addiction I Didn't Know About


jeeenah

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Was married 10 years to my bubby;  got divorced in 2008 due to some issues-- drinking problems, we had a sexless marriage, he blamed me because I wanted to give up sex before marriage and he claims that I rejected him. That was the beginning of his cyber cheating. We got back together 2010. He betrayed me again with  cyber cheating, going out and drinking. I  kicked him out. Two years later he claimed to change again moved back in only to get drunk driving, three days before my cancer surgery. Long story short he betrayed me. Two more years went by this time I really believed he changed he was going to church and everything all my dreams come true. He talked about God at the forefront of his life was praying, giving me peaceful advice we are planning to get remarried and moving back in. January 30  he was found in a hotel room on the floor, from what the tox report would later reveal was a Fentynal laced crack overdose.. I didn't know he was addicted to crack cocaine. His earlier shenanigans in our relationship was always about drinking. And the cyber cheating. However I did know that he was going to strip clubs at one point. That's probably where it started. Long story short, I am grieving the terrible loss, and I am grieving the  reality that I thought was there and it really wasn't. He was two different people, as his emails and text message would later reveal.  I don't know who this other person was. I'm doing everything I can, going to group meetings, personal counseling, church, praying, talking to my priests, getting all the support I can. But I feel dark, dismal disconnected, and cut off emotionally from everyone and everything. 

  I am on short-term disability he from work because I could not cope with my workload because my mom was so distraught. Some other family problems within the years probably have brought me down with this. Lots of stress and I finally broke. Looking for anyone that may have suffered something similar so they can share their story of hope that I will see the sunrise someday.  my priest to show me that I would and actually talked about a girl who lost the love of her life. At mass yesterday and they played my ex-husband's favorite hymn.. 

 I am stricken with grief and I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless and I'm talking to God all the time. I know he is with me I just can't feel it through the grief. I am just looking for some hope.

 

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Jeenah,

I am so sorry you have suffered such a devastating trauma and the abuse over the years. You may want to post in the forum called "Loss of a Partner." There are many there who have lost the love of their life. They may be able to offer you the support and encouragement you need. 

We will be with you,

ModKonnie

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