Losing both parents, only child.

[LKC]

I found this forum using google... My name is Lindsey. I lost my Father, whom I was very close with on June 11th 2014, and now I have recently lost my Mother who I was caring for on February 19th of this year. To say that I feel lost is the very least. My anxiety, among my mental state are kind of all over the place. I have no siblings, I am not married and no children of my own, and only a few people I can turn to who are honest and constant in my life. My parents both had illnesses, and I was there to help them along their way. My Fathers loss was very sudden, as he didn't wake up one day due to drug abuse, hypertension and diabetes at 50yrs old. I tried to resuscitate him, thought he would make it to the hospital fine, but he passed. My Mother was diagnosed with Follicular Lymphoma and passed in a three week span after a go at chemotherapy through January & February. I, myself am thirty years old... I was very close with my parents, and now I just feel this over whelming dread that I am putzing around in my life with no real compass pointing me where to go because it was always us helping each other. My Father suffered from mental illness so I stepped up to the plate at being an adult at a pretty young age. I've always helped take care of them, and them me, along with taking care of other people in my life. I miss them so much and I feel it's something it's going to take me the rest of my life time to come to terms with, and I feel like this cycle of grief is damaging me, pushing away those who I have left in my life because they honestly don't understand what is going on with me, and I'm left here trying to keep myself together... but it's something I must go through. I'm terrified of what the next year brings, and what will happen in the future when Holidays roll around, and I have no family to share it with. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I am now an adult orphan, and it's just not something I think I can fully grasp at this time, but am trying my hardest. I feel like after my Father passing, my grief was put on hold to continue taking care of my sick Mother, who at the time I only thought had a hereditary disease called Multiple Cavernous Angiomas ... Now it feels like I'm experiencing grief and so much more. I am seeing a doctor as of recent to try and get help, and suggests a support group for grief, but I feel if I go in public to speak I will just fall to pieces over it, and that is more anxiety I do not want to face head on right now. If anyone else is experiencing anything similar to this, I would like to know tips and techniques for helping to deal with it, please share them with me. Thank you for reading.

[Haven]

Lindsey, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mother unexpectedly this last December and I know what you mean when you say that the thoughts of future Holidays are terrifying. Christmas and New Years was horrible and now we have Easter coming up. I was so numb that I truthfully don't even remember Christmas. My circumstance is different from yours because although I am unmarried; not only am I a quite bit older than you but I have 4 siblings and my Father who at 85 lost his wife of 58 years. His health was not the best before my Mother died but since her death he has just shut down.My siblings just want to keep celebrating like we did in the past; same food, same decorations; same traditions. I would much rather prefer to quietly focus on doing something that I feel would make my Mom proud.In her honor. I have started keeping a journal and everyday I try to consciously and deliberately do something positive.These may not be earth shattering actions or thoughts. Some days it's as simple as complimenting someone on an outfit or picking up a piece of trash or holding in an unkind remark I want to make. The thing that makes this different from my everyday actions is the word deIiberate.I used to anonymously "adopt" a local kindergarten class and make up school packs & Halloween gift bags for them. I hope to do more things like this for the Holidays in the future if my grief and finances will allow. One thing that I have found in this dark journey of grief is that the people who I thought would be the most comfort and supportive to me aren't always there. I think that I scare them; they see something that they may one day have to face themselves. One of my Sisters is seeing a Doctor to help her with her grief. He has seemed to help her move forward. My Father is going to group grief counseling. The first group wasn't a fit for him but his second group seems to be helping him some. Please try to remember that everyone grieves differently. There is no right way or wrong way; there is no set time period. There is no just get over it and move on already. Lean on the people who offer you comfort and support. They have probably experienced the loss of a loved one and remember how lost and horrible it is. I am trying to not only surround myself with people who comfort me but also people who I hope I can comfort in some way. Sorry this is so long. Please be kind to yourself, take care of yourself.  Becky S

[Alauna84]

I found this site today using google also.  My mama passed away just 11 days ago.  I'm 32 years old and I'm an only child.  The pain feels unbearable.  Although my father is still alive, he has always just lived on the outskirts of my life.  My mama raised me as a single parent, it was always just the two of us.  I am divorced, and have children of my own, but I don't know if that makes this pain any easier.  It hurts to think of all the things she will not be present for.  My mama was my best friend.  I went to her for everything.  Her passing was so sudden and unexpected.  My aunts and uncle, my mama's siblings, have been supportive and have been there for me, but this was MY mother, and I feel lost.  Easter is coming, and all I can think of is how she's not here.  It makes me not want to participate in ANYTHING, but I feel like I can't distance myself from my family, my blood, her blood.  But the pain is still so raw.  It's like, I love my family, aunts/uncles/cousins, but SHE was my connection to them.  Often times if she didn't want to go to a family get together, her and I would just do something else, and vice versa.  The rest of life looks so bleak without her here.  The thing is, I always knew that if or when my mother passed away, that I would feel alone.  I was always scared of going through this alone.  And my family has been there, but yet I still feel alone.  I'm sorry I can't give you the words to ease your pain, for I can't even ease my own right now.  I just want to let you know that you are not alone in what you are going through, for I am here going through the same thing.  Maybe we can find comfort and healing talking to each other.  I'm desperate for someone who understands.

[Dayo008]

Hey Lindsey, 

Sorry for your loss. I can't say I understand exactly how you feel but I'll say I understand what pain is. It is difficult but know that it won't always be as intense as this. I lost my mom February 21, just two days after you lost yours. And I'm 22.. it means I'm gonna live my whole adult life without the one person that loved me unconditionally. Life is unfair, very unfair. 

Another painful thing is that at first, people are around you but barely a month later they think you should be okay. No, we're never okay. Losing a loved one doesn't go away. And mothers are at the peak of the pyramid but I know that we will be fine. We don't have a choice. We will.

You are not alone. 

Be safe.

[spatrick]

Lindsey,

I too am sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents last year. My mom passed just four months ago. My Dad passed ten months before her. I know how lost you feel. I still feel that way. I did join a grief support group at a local church. I didn't know anyone there. I fell apart when I told them my loss but they didn't judge me. They prayed for me. I urge you to find a support group. It's okay to express your feelings. You'll find that you're not alone. 

[MissionBlue]

Hi Lindsey, I understand how difficult it is for you, because my grief experience has been very difficult for me, too.  I also lost both my parents in late 2014, just two months apart.  I'm also an only child.  My mother had mental illness and so I was raised by my father after my parents divorced when I was five.  I also never married or had children, but my dad was all I needed to be happy. Now he's gone and I'm devastated.  The first six months were the worst, but I still cry at times and feel that terrible nostalgia whenever I see things he liked or would have liked, because I miss enjoying life together with him.   I can accept that people have to die and he's no longer suffering, but nothing could have prepared me for how empty my life feels without my beloved dad.  I have a partner now who helps me feel less lonely, but we are so different, whereas my dad and I were like two peas in a pod.   Toward the end of his life, I was more like the parent and my dad the child, but just having him to talk to and watch movies with made life worth living.  I'm not saying my life was wonderful before he died, but it seems wonderful compared to how I feel now.  I have tried grief support groups and several grief therapists, and I found them helpful to a point, but I felt that there wasn't enough time in each session for me to talk about all my feelings and memories, so I find online grief support forums more helpful, especially this one, because more people respond and are more caring than other groups.  I tend to go on and on, and in a forum, nobody is required to read my posts unless they want to, so I feel more free to write what I feel like writing.  In a live support group, there is only so much time for each person to speak, depending on the size of the group, but I still met some nice people in the groups I attended.  I think most people who are mourning their parents enough to seek help are good people, because we are sensitive and know how to genuinely love and care for other people.  I would have kept attending the live groups but the meeting places were too far away for me since I don't drive.  I sometimes got better therapy from the cab drivers who were driving me to my therapists' offices.   I think writing about how you feel is very therapeutic, also creating a sacred space in your home, such as an altar to your parents can help.  It doesn't have to be large.  Eating right, getting as much sleep as you can, exercising and not expecting too much from relatives and friends can help reduce the stress.  I know it's not easy when you have sleep problems, no appetite or too much, and no energy or motivation, but over time you should feel better.  The hardest part is accepting that our lives will never be the same without our parents, but they would want us to be happy and to live our lives the best we possibly can.  Try to make new friends who understand how you feel, if the ones you have aren't supportive enough.  This may require you to step outside of your comfort zone, but you might be surprised how many people do understand how we feel.  Everybody needs friends to lean on.  I hope that you will find this forum as helpful as I have.  Take care and God bless you.

[Butterfly 789]

I, too, lost both of my parents. My dad died 6 years ago and mom died 2 weeks ago. Both died in the month of October. Everyone is telling me that it’ll get better. I do not really think that it will ever get better. I feel that I am an orphan now- no new memories, no nothing anymore. I am amazed how the world keeps turning and everything is unchanged, but for me, my life will never be the same again. I feel jealous of my friends who have both parents. Isn’t that horrible?! I would honestly give anything to have even one of my parents back. There are days I just sob all day and days where I just feel nauseous and numb. Can someone help me? I am an only child and have lost my world.

[Badra33]

I feel the same way. I am an only child and both my parents are gone. My dad just passed away suddenly less than a month ago and I feel so raw and so sad and lonely. I don’t feel like doing anything and I just want to sleep all the time. I am also scared about what my own future holds with respect to my own health and I have two teenage boys to take care of.....

[tessa]

Hi Badra33,
I'm sorry for your losses.
I too am in a similar situation. My father passed away 5 years ago and my mother was 6 months ago. I have siblings but I don't have children.
The first couple of months after losing mum were awful. I felt the way you do, scared, lonely, empty, no future. I was scared of what will happen to me. I don't have children to take care of me. My mother always kept an eye on me but she is gone now.
It is now 6 months later for me and things are better. It is not good but the anxiety has subsided. I'm not having those scared feelings much anymore. It still happens but less.
Hang in there. The emotions will subside.

[Irenie]

I am so sorry about your loss.Lindsey. My name is Irene. I know what you are feeling. I am 53 lost my mother oct 11 2016 and my dad on June 29 2017. I am an only child. I am married and I have a 22 years old Don but my parents especially my mom was my life.  She was my best friend.  When she had the stroke on feb 5 2016 that day was the last day my life was normal.  The last words to her were feb 4 2016. I told her good night and that I loved her.  My dad called me at 6am the following day saying my mom fell off the bed and could move. I rushed to her side my world fell apart. Today is November 14 2020 and I still feel a hole in my heart that no one can fill.  It doesn’t go away.  You will be able to handle things but that pain does linger.  I have no real family and no brothers or sisters and truthfully no one really understands this unless they have gone through it. My prayers are with you.  May God lift your spirits and give you strength in the only way He know how to. Amen. You can reach me at alverokiko@gmail.com. If there is anything I can do to help.  Irene 

[Irenie]

Lindsey what mean by no real family is the that you are born with. My aunt is distant and my son is amazing but you don’t and doing his things as usual and my husband although he lost his mom too that was when he was 14. He is 55 years old and really can not relate too well to this loss I am experiencing. It’s hard my parents and I were very close.  Just wanted to better explain.  

[Tracy Grilli]

Lindsey

I!I'm so sorry for your loss. I am an only child & I lost my husband of 25 years in 2006. Six months later in April 2007 I list my mom to cancer. She was the strongest woman I know. Then in July 2008 I list my dad. Although it's been a while it seems like yesterday & I still have bad days. I was very close to my parents, they helped me with my kids, (I have 2) when my husband passed. They did everything for me & my family. It took me a long time to go to a bereavement group at my church but it was wonderful. You don't have to say anything but understand these people are going through the same thing, so they don't judge they just listen. It may help but only when your ready. Good luck I'm here if you want to talk.

Tracy

[Tracy Grilli]

Lindsey

I!I'm so sorry for your loss. I am an only child & I lost my husband of 25 years in 2006. Six months later in April 2007 I list my mom to cancer. She was the strongest woman I know. Then in July 2008 I list my dad. Although it's been a while it seems like yesterday & I still have bad days. I was very close to my parents, they helped me with my kids, (I have 2) when my husband passed. They did everything for me & my family. It took me a long time to go to a bereavement group at my church but it was wonderful. You don't have to say anything but understand these people are going through the same thing, so they don't judge they just listen. It may help but only when your ready. Good luck I'm here if you want to talk.

Tracy

[CryHigh41]

Only child too.  Mother died yesterday morning after a tiring battle of metastatic breast cancer.  She endured chemo treatments and radiation to the breast, brain and leg.  I miss her so much.  I brought her home with Hospice for her final days.  Her last hours were hard her system so saturated from the drugs Hospice dumped into her body when she was first admitted.  But I was able to hold her as she left this earth as she held me when I came into it.  The house is quiet now.  Just me and our cat.  I walked into her room this morning and stared at her empty bed...the shower she won’t use again or the products she will never touch.  Just this May she was dancing around to her jazz music before we went out for errands.  Yesterday she left me.  Her last few days were hard to watch and in the end I prayed that she just let go and end her suffering. But since yesterday there haven’t been many minutes that go by before I break down crying because even at 48 I miss my mom.  We found a house we enjoy living in and she is no longer here working to make it our home.  Even our cat is restless because I think she senses the change in the house.  And I just don’t know how I’m going to make her feel better because I am grieving. I’m just trying to stay prayerful like some people tell me to do so that with each passing day hopefully the pain of losing her lessens.

[Nitesh]

I found this forum at 3 am in the morning. I have a single child and she is quite young right now, but I am facing severe anxiety these days thinking about her after both of us have passed away. Everyday i end up waking in the middle of the night tormented by the sadness and loneliness that could be awaiting her. I desperately want to do something, create something- keeping her and other such kids in mind. But I have no clue and after reading all your experiences, it kind of feels better that she is not alone and at the same time worst cause my fears are not unfounded. I hope Lindsey and all of you, are feeling better, knowing how tough life is for you.

[IsThereHopeForMe]

I am 38yo this year. Lost my mom 3 years go and my dad recently due to Covid. I am single with no siblings. Due to the ongoing pandemic, jobs are hard to come by, I left my job last year to be with my father before he passed just few months back. Now surviving on remaining savings but it's draining. I'm left now with a house that is located in a town where jobs are scarce but I'm not ready to leave yet from my comfort zone because my house is so in a mess filled with so many stuffs of sentimental feelings to dump them.Tried many attempts with finding jobs in my town but there no reply from anyone at all.

Can someone at least give me some advice? Relatives and friends are all starting to avoid me or start any conversations. It's like I am all alone in life. Like many have said you start to feel tired and helpless till your mind can be blank at times. You feel like wanting to sleep most of the day and feel if it's good thing if you don't wake up from your sleep to end this misery. I'm a single man but I can't help but to cry alone before bed almost each day. I try to occupy my time by trying to learn and do house repairs during free time, else surf the internet during free time. Other than that I'd need to pay all outstanding bills and settle the legal inheritance which my parents left me. I don't know how long I can last with this real nightmare that I have. Life just aren't much meaningful to me anymore let worse with this world pandemic where economies are winding down and people are more isolated than ever.

[silverkitties]

Istherehope, I’m in the very same predicament you’re in: struggling professionally and deserted by everyone. Because I’ve lost mobility in my legs, cleaning up has become even more difficult.

Indeed, I wouldn’t wish my last 7 years on anyone. I always feel like I’m on the edge of a precipice. The only thing preventing me from killing myself are my two cats. 

Not to promote myself excessively, but please see my substack blog, My mother,my grief. It starts with my mom’s illness and death; I’m just beginning to address the grief. 

[TAF]

Thank God I googled "adult only child loss of both parents being an orphan" and it brought me to this site.  I began reading all these heartfelt stories from so many different people that just might understand what I am feeling and have been going thru.  Last night is one of the numerous nights/days that I have had since Jan 12, 2021 where I can't sleep a wink, the hamster is in the wheel racing and left to my own devices again I can't stop the agony, the deep down dread, pain like no other!  I am an only child.  I had 3 miscarriages and 1 delivery, the only child that I gave birth to was put up for private adoption as recommended by my parents since I was only 17 and already in college.  I held that hurt and anger for so many years, but today I know my parents were trying to help me and her have better lives.  And I believe if there was any inkling that I would never be able to have any more children that decision would have been a lot different.  That was the first hardest thing I ever went thru.  I was blessed when she found me when she turned 18.  We got to know each other, met in person eventually, and even got to see my grandson...with my Dad.   Memories I will always treasure and keep.  ALL of the Sudden she stopped talking, texting, emailing, calling and worse...not replying/responding to me in an form or fashion.  It was like she was ripped away from me again.  July 2022 will be 12 years of no contact and its excruciating.  All I can do is pray that one day they will be back in my life.  My Mother was my best friend, we talked about anything and when I got that call from my Dad in June 2004 that she suddenly had a massive heart attack my whole world stopped!  She had MS for 10 years but was still getting around, not that well, but she had good/bad days.  So to lose her suddenly it was horrifying.  We had to take her off life support after 3 days, the doctors said she was brain dead since the day she was brought in.  That was hard for us to accept.  My Father was taking her to the doctor that morning and she grabbed his arm and fell over.  Right there in the truck with him.  He whipped the car around and pulled into the fire station within just a few minutes, but just that quick she lost too much oxygen for too long.  I can't even imagine what my Father went thru and continued his life with that memory.  My Dad and I had to make the hardest decision ever together.  They were getting ready to celebrate their 40th Wedding Anniversary.  She passed right after Dad turned 60.  So, here is me and my Dad and I have always loved my Dad immensely, but we were not (at that time) close like Mom and I were.  But God gave us 16 years to work on our relationship and we did!  It was the best years ever for us.  I always felt like I needed my Dad to be proud of me, and I always felt not good enough and today I know that was more "my stuff" than my Dads I'm sure.  I do believe he was proud of me.  He grieved over the loss of my Mother for many years...I know he truly did up until the day he passed away.  But what did happen is he met a nice lady eventually and she loved my Dad and I liked her, she was good for him.  He was happy once again.  She had just got over cancer when they first met, then a few years later he went thru cancer with her and she fought it and won again.  But after 8 years into their relationship she got cancer one last time and she was gone in May 2020.  Another wonderful woman to grieve over and another huge loss for my Dad...and me.  She was there with us thru Dad getting diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis in 2014 plus he already had type 2 diabetes.  In March 2018 Dad went to a specialist and found out he was going to need amputation surgery on his right foot due to the diabetes.  They removed all of his toes on his right foot, and by now he has went from the 240 lb. man that we all knew down to 150 lbs. in just a few months. Friends that I could count on assisted in round the clock care for my Dad and eventually a year later he was up and walking around...but VERY slowly.  He began having issues with his balance and leaning to the left, which he told the doctors that this hurt him a lot, and we soon found out that he had Parkinson's disease.  The only good thing at this time is that they had a study/meds that could/would not cure his pulmonary fibrosis, but it maintained it to where it never got worse.  They had given him 3-5 years to live and by now it was well past that and his lungs were still maintained.  When his girlfriend of 8 yrs passed I seen a change in him physically declining, health wise, a lot of sadness and irritability...rightly so.  We made it thru all the holidays together (Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's) and he is in pretty good spirits by New Years Eve.  But the COVID 19 pandemic is running rapid.  He gets diagnosed with COVID on Jan 12, 2021.  The hospital ONLY kept my 76 year old Father, with all these ailments (including a terminal lung disease) diabetes and Parkinson's and sent him off to a rehab after ONLY 2 days!!  I was furious!!!  His health declined so fast that within 5 days he already had Congestive Heart Failure, Pneumonia started setting in and he was on the highest dose of oxygen 24/7.  They wouldn't send him back to the hospital.  I couldn't see him due to COVID.  I only had my husband and one Aunt and a few cousins to help me thru this.  No siblings, no children and I lose my mind!  I broke down...I always had that HUGE fear of losing one of my parents, but when the day came that I was losing both of them and they both would no longer be here with me I couldn't move, walk, talk, think, eat...nothing.  NUMB!  By Jan 30th I brought my Father home with Hospice and that was the hardest day ever!!!  Here I am trying to keep my **** together but seeing him in this state, now weighing only 108 Lb. I somehow, someway, putting just one foot in front of the other, allowing friends and family basically to come by and say their good-bye's to my Dad.  I kept wondering "What was he thinking about just having to lay in that hospital bed" or "how was he feeling with everyone all of the sudden coming by bringing food just talking to him and then saying good-bye probably knowing that would probably be the last time he would see them" i was consumed with fear, helplessness, hopelessness wanting to be the best daughter ever for him at this time.  But I didn't know what to say, what to do with my head and my heart so that I could help him and not let him see me falling apart.  I pray that he knows in his heart that I did all that I could do and I was honored and so very grateful for God allowing me to be there with him to be by his side as he gradually left this world and went onto the next with our Heavenly Father.  Reuniting with my Mom, eternally together forever.  Trying to remember ALL of the great memories, but there are lots of days/nights (like now) that I just need to feel this pain and get thru another day.  Knowing that they are back together, happy, no pain, and watching over me helps (some days).  I never felt such aloneness, lonely, heartache, anger, sadness and just gut wrenching sobbing.  When I had to go to that funeral home with my husband to go over the arrangements that I must make and I am not ready to see anyone let alone talk to anybody.  But, my Dad knew me so well, that all the arrangements were done for me.  Thank God!  Thank you Dad!!! He was such an amazing man!!!  He was my Hero, my protector, my everything.  He was a Shriner since I was 3-4 years old.  By the time he passed away he reached every goal professionally, within the Shrine and other organizations.  He was the most selfless, giving, caring, funny, strong and loving man.  He was loved by many and is missed by even more.  Friends of his and friends of mine were there even when I couldn't be emotionally.  Just to sit with me and let me cry like a newborn baby!  I thank everyone for being there then and now...R I H Mom and Dad!!!  Love and miss you so very much!!!  Until we meet again...

[TafadzwaMacDSigauke]

I recently lost my mother last Christmas. She was 50. I lost my dad when I was 5. I'm an only child. I'm extremely grateful to the Lord Almighty that I was blessed with Extremely hard working, loving, focused parents who understood the meaning of life, giving it a purpose, to seek and live for the good and pass on a legacy to the coming generations as we make the world a better world. The circumstances surrounding my parents' death were both intense but all has taught me to stick to the word of God, trust only yourself and only surround yourself with people that genuinely care/love you. My mother's family side lied and spread rumors that I take drugs, when in actual fact I have never even done so and my mother died knowing so. I took care of my mother, I am forever grateful of the time I had with her. I am just who l am  today because of her. My father had an Eye, blessed with the ability to see the heart itself, that's why she ended up with my mother. A warrior, a fighter, she made the world a better place!. I will work going forward with the Legacy and make the world a better place!. I plan on starting  a company in their honor. A company that will aim on making the world a better place.

Rest in Peace Beatrice Sigauke Nee Lukuluba and Themba Sigauke

[Violingineer]

I Dont usually post to these. But maybe it will help some other only child like myself. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer (never smoked in her life) that spread to her bones, and she broke two vertebrae. She was too weak to get radiation or other treatment and they would not cement her vertebrae. So here she is with no hope and little pain relief, while my father and I argue over her pain medications. My father and i have always fought for years with her in between but tonight was maybe predictable but still selfish and embarrassing. It's hard being the only child always worrying about your parents because there really is no other help. Like always she brought us back together tonight after our argument. Over the pain. I'm not sure how much longer she will be here. But i hope you all experience the grace some day this small fragile woman gave. I have tried to do everything i can for my dad during this but at 91 he is also challenged. And stubborn. And egotistical. I pray some day my mother's power at the end of her life manifests in me for someone else too.

[Doc AJ]

Just lost my dad of 96 years and mom, 97yo, home on hospice with only weeks/mth.  There are no words, but loneliness everywhere. 

 

PRAY FOR US!

 

Doc AJ

On 1/21/2022 at 9:48 AM, TAF said:

Thank God I googled "adult only child loss of both parents being an orphan" and it brought me to this site.  I began reading all these heartfelt stories from so many different people that just might understand what I am feeling and have been going thru.  Last night is one of the numerous nights/days that I have had since Jan 12, 2021 where I can't sleep a wink, the hamster is in the wheel racing and left to my own devices again I can't stop the agony, the deep down dread, pain like no other!  I am an only child.  I had 3 miscarriages and 1 delivery, the only child that I gave birth to was put up for private adoption as recommended by my parents since I was only 17 and already in college.  I held that hurt and anger for so many years, but today I know my parents were trying to help me and her have better lives.  And I believe if there was any inkling that I would never be able to have any more children that decision would have been a lot different.  That was the first hardest thing I ever went thru.  I was blessed when she found me when she turned 18.  We got to know each other, met in person eventually, and even got to see my grandson...with my Dad.   Memories I will always treasure and keep.  ALL of the Sudden she stopped talking, texting, emailing, calling and worse...not replying/responding to me in an form or fashion.  It was like she was ripped away from me again.  July 2022 will be 12 years of no contact and its excruciating.  All I can do is pray that one day they will be back in my life.  My Mother was my best friend, we talked about anything and when I got that call from my Dad in June 2004 that she suddenly had a massive heart attack my whole world stopped!  She had MS for 10 years but was still getting around, not that well, but she had good/bad days.  So to lose her suddenly it was horrifying.  We had to take her off life support after 3 days, the doctors said she was brain dead since the day she was brought in.  That was hard for us to accept.  My Father was taking her to the doctor that morning and she grabbed his arm and fell over.  Right there in the truck with him.  He whipped the car around and pulled into the fire station within just a few minutes, but just that quick she lost too much oxygen for too long.  I can't even imagine what my Father went thru and continued his life with that memory.  My Dad and I had to make the hardest decision ever together.  They were getting ready to celebrate their 40th Wedding Anniversary.  She passed right after Dad turned 60.  So, here is me and my Dad and I have always loved my Dad immensely, but we were not (at that time) close like Mom and I were.  But God gave us 16 years to work on our relationship and we did!  It was the best years ever for us.  I always felt like I needed my Dad to be proud of me, and I always felt not good enough and today I know that was more "my stuff" than my Dads I'm sure.  I do believe he was proud of me.  He grieved over the loss of my Mother for many years...I know he truly did up until the day he passed away.  But what did happen is he met a nice lady eventually and she loved my Dad and I liked her, she was good for him.  He was happy once again.  She had just got over cancer when they first met, then a few years later he went thru cancer with her and she fought it and won again.  But after 8 years into their relationship she got cancer one last time and she was gone in May 2020.  Another wonderful woman to grieve over and another huge loss for my Dad...and me.  She was there with us thru Dad getting diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis in 2014 plus he already had type 2 diabetes.  In March 2018 Dad went to a specialist and found out he was going to need amputation surgery on his right foot due to the diabetes.  They removed all of his toes on his right foot, and by now he has went from the 240 lb. man that we all knew down to 150 lbs. in just a few months. Friends that I could count on assisted in round the clock care for my Dad and eventually a year later he was up and walking around...but VERY slowly.  He began having issues with his balance and leaning to the left, which he told the doctors that this hurt him a lot, and we soon found out that he had Parkinson's disease.  The only good thing at this time is that they had a study/meds that could/would not cure his pulmonary fibrosis, but it maintained it to where it never got worse.  They had given him 3-5 years to live and by now it was well past that and his lungs were still maintained.  When his girlfriend of 8 yrs passed I seen a change in him physically declining, health wise, a lot of sadness and irritability...rightly so.  We made it thru all the holidays together (Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's) and he is in pretty good spirits by New Years Eve.  But the COVID 19 pandemic is running rapid.  He gets diagnosed with COVID on Jan 12, 2021.  The hospital ONLY kept my 76 year old Father, with all these ailments (including a terminal lung disease) diabetes and Parkinson's and sent him off to a rehab after ONLY 2 days!!  I was furious!!!  His health declined so fast that within 5 days he already had Congestive Heart Failure, Pneumonia started setting in and he was on the highest dose of oxygen 24/7.  They wouldn't send him back to the hospital.  I couldn't see him due to COVID.  I only had my husband and one Aunt and a few cousins to help me thru this.  No siblings, no children and I lose my mind!  I broke down...I always had that HUGE fear of losing one of my parents, but when the day came that I was losing both of them and they both would no longer be here with me I couldn't move, walk, talk, think, eat...nothing.  NUMB!  By Jan 30th I brought my Father home with Hospice and that was the hardest day ever!!!  Here I am trying to keep my **** together but seeing him in this state, now weighing only 108 Lb. I somehow, someway, putting just one foot in front of the other, allowing friends and family basically to come by and say their good-bye's to my Dad.  I kept wondering "What was he thinking about just having to lay in that hospital bed" or "how was he feeling with everyone all of the sudden coming by bringing food just talking to him and then saying good-bye probably knowing that would probably be the last time he would see them" i was consumed with fear, helplessness, hopelessness wanting to be the best daughter ever for him at this time.  But I didn't know what to say, what to do with my head and my heart so that I could help him and not let him see me falling apart.  I pray that he knows in his heart that I did all that I could do and I was honored and so very grateful for God allowing me to be there with him to be by his side as he gradually left this world and went onto the next with our Heavenly Father.  Reuniting with my Mom, eternally together forever.  Trying to remember ALL of the great memories, but there are lots of days/nights (like now) that I just need to feel this pain and get thru another day.  Knowing that they are back together, happy, no pain, and watching over me helps (some days).  I never felt such aloneness, lonely, heartache, anger, sadness and just gut wrenching sobbing.  When I had to go to that funeral home with my husband to go over the arrangements that I must make and I am not ready to see anyone let alone talk to anybody.  But, my Dad knew me so well, that all the arrangements were done for me.  Thank God!  Thank you Dad!!! He was such an amazing man!!!  He was my Hero, my protector, my everything.  He was a Shriner since I was 3-4 years old.  By the time he passed away he reached every goal professionally, within the Shrine and other organizations.  He was the most selfless, giving, caring, funny, strong and loving man.  He was loved by many and is missed by even more.  Friends of his and friends of mine were there even when I couldn't be emotionally.  Just to sit with me and let me cry like a newborn baby!  I thank everyone for being there then and now...R I H Mom and Dad!!!  Love and miss you so very much!!!  Until we meet again...

Just lost my dad of 94 years and mom, 95yo, home on hospice with only weeks.  There are no words, but loneliness everywhere. 

 

PRAY FOR US!

 

Doc AJ

[orphanwoman]

i am in same situation. i live in usa and my parents in india . i came here for studies and then job. i lost my mother 5 years ago to sudden heart attack when i was visiting india and 3 days ago when I was about to return for job. I stayed there for 4 months and after promising my father about making some arrangements of staying together I returned to job. as I thought about things getting settled down. in span of 4 months my father also got sever heart attack. He had multiple hospitalization over 4 years in india and when I got him to stay here with me. I am married now but had to run to hospital after 4 days of wedding as there was no pulses. he was here visting me . stayed here 2 months and after 3 days of return he got heart attack. I am 31 years old with no child of my own. i am crying everyday. I couldnt see his face . my heart started racing badly as anybody ask to go or video. I miss both of them badly. its been 4 months everybody is normal doing there job. i am scared about what will be my life now. I feel lonely. even feel jealous of husband having both parents and siblings. I dont feel loved. I had so many dreams i wanted to do for my parents . now will I be able to do pregnancy and be better parent?  i am not sure if I ever overcome this feeling. My mom lost his mom when she was 16 and she left me when i was 26. dad lost his mom when he was 30 and he left me when I am 31.