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A hole in my heart....Marty is gone


martysmom

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Marty, our dog for over 12 years died on Wednesday.  He had cancer that metastacized to his lungs.  Though he was a big dog (half shepherd half black lab) he went everywhere with us, on most vacations, to work with me, to visit relatives out of state, the store, etc.  If I was in my garden, he was with me, smelling flowers, "helping" me decide where to move a perennial or put a new one.  He'd just follow me around and was my constant companion.  He thought he was a lap dog.  He looked like a black Irish Setter and had that personality.  Folk who normally don't like dogs, liked Marty.  He was calm, patient, and loving to everyone.  He helped my 2 and 5 year old neice and nephew and my sister get over the loss of their dad/husband in a car accident.  He seemed to know which one needed him the most and that's who he would follow around and sleep next to at night.    My extreme guilt is coming from not being with him when he died.  I knew he was getting sicker.  I knew the end was near.  I didn't bring him to work with me that day because the day before and that morning he'd lost control of his bowels.  I only work part time so I aplogized to him and told him he couldn't come with me.  He just stared at me when I left.  I left him on a towel, on a yoga mat that was helping him get up instead of the wood floor.  I asked a neighbor and fellow dog lover to look in on him and tell me if anything was amis and if so I'd come right home (work is 5 miles away).   She stayed with him for a half hour.  He didn't seem in distress.  I got home a little after 1pm and found him closer to the door.  I don't know if he was trying to get out, looking for me.  I don't know.  But he was gone and I was looking thru the door window, banging on the glass telling him to get up, "Mommy's home, Marty!, Mommy's home, get up"...I knew he was gone.  I was having trouble with my key in desperation to get in to him.  Today is my first day home without him and I'm not doing well.  I know it's only been two days and that time will heal.  I've taken grief classes but that doesn't help now, with my grief.  My two adult sons and husband all all grieving as well (Marty was actually our birthday gift to our son on his 11th birthday).  How do I get over the guilt of not staying home with him, of not recognizing his look when I left??? He was my baby, I knew his looks usually and what he wanted.  I know he didn't want me to leave him, he never did. In the office where I work I could have shifted my hours/days.  I could have left early, easily with my boss's blessing.  WHY DIDN'T I!!!

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butterfly13

I'm soo sorry to hear of your loss:(I know you said you feel guilty because you weren't with your baby when he passed(I also went through this last year with my young cat)but the vet told me later on that alot of animals wait until their owners leave,or try to go off by themselves to pass on,that it is a natural instinct in them.This made me feel a little less guilty-I hope it helps you too.It will take alot of time to get used to not having Marty around,but just think of the great life you gave him!!So many dogs never know the love he had,you gave him a great 12yrs.and now you have a furry little guardian angel!!!

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I understand your grief. I lost our beloved Aussie Marble 2 years ago to cancer @ age 12 too. A friend on here posted the Rainbow Bridge for me & I felt better knowing she is in a pain free place now. We have not gotten another dog since she passed(I already had 2 other living dogs when she passed). We are going to rescue our next dog from a rescue shelter :-) Here's the Rainbow bridge:

[align=left]

Just this side of heaven is a place called [/align]

"The  Rainbow Bridge".

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His/Her bright eyes are intent. His/Her eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his/her legs carrying him/her faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... 

Author unknown...

[align=center]

[/align]

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I can't sleep, I don't want to be in the house alone, in the quiet.  Marty, a beautiful black lab/long haired shepherd mix, he looked like a black Irish Setter.  So soft, so kind, so intuitive, so loving.  He went to work with me.  He loved water out of the bubbler, now I can't use the bubbler.  I'm just so sad all the time.  He died on July 8, 2009 and I still have his big bed out.  I want to curl up in the hollow he made in it and cry.  He was my best pal, my constant companion and I miss him sooooo much. 

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I lost my beloved girl Snickers 3 months ago today.  The pain and grief are still as fresh today.  Do not expect too much of yourself.  Grief takes time and energy.  Allow yourself to feel. 

We who live in a circle smaller than our own know no other way because of the joy our animal companions bring.  I will keep you in my prayers.

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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