21 February 2016.

[Dayo008]

My mom passed away last week sunday at around 08.30pm. She was sick for about three weeks, being an hardworking person, she used to be sick but always always pulled through. I saw her 8 days before she died and she was quite alright and I was even relieved that she'll be okay this time too. I still don't believe she's dead and this scares me, when I finally believe. What will I do? Although she was buried on Thursday 25th February. That too was the worst day of my life, going to pay for the casket and identifying my mother's body at the Morgue. She was 49. I am 22. I'm her first child, we are three. I have 2 younger brothers. 20 and 17 year olds.

I'm in my third year in the university studying Psychology. Her biggest dream was to see me graduate and she said that to me over and over and over again. I was doing this for her. I'm confused and tired and afraid and scared. I feel sorry for my dad too. It hits him hard but he has to be strong for us which will make it harder for him. Dealing with his grieving process privately. Life is unfair. My mother do not deserve death, she deserved to see her grandchildren. She deserved to see me succeed.

My life has been miserable, I thought joining a support group would help and I hope it does. It's hard. Words can't explain. It's really hard. Nobody will understand. I will miss her forever. Her 7am calls asking if I slept well, her calls at night. This was my biggest fear, losing my mother, I won't wish that on my worst enemy. It's bad. It's hard. It's difficult. It feels like death. But I know I will pull through. I will. I will. I have to. No girlfriend either, to talk to. I'm vulnerable at the moment, and I don't want to be dated out of pity, so most times I'm on my own. Friends come around but I still feel alone. Thanks for reading. Love, Dayo.

[Marivdb]

Dayo...this fresh moment is the worst. I'm pretty fresh too. My mom just died at Christmas. Your sweet Mom was only a few years older than I am, you are only a year older than my oldest. My heart is breaking for your pain right now. We mom's have such special relationships with our oldest (and youngest, and middle) children, but there is just that certain something about that bond with the first.

I know you're feeling like a jumbled up mess right now. It's ok. Everything is going to feel weird for quite awhile. This is a good group. They have been really helpful for me. I will tell you one piece of advice I was given by my husband's aunt who went through this a few years before me, and that I have found to be helpful, stay in touch with your friends. It will feel weird. You won't feel like being with them, but go out with them. Not every time and not right away, but don't shut yourself off completely. It will help. And I know as a mom myself it's what your mom wants for you.

You sweet boy. Your heart is breaking. I wish I knew how to take away your pain. Please know that we are here for you. Come here and vent, cry, share your memories of your mom, anything that you find that helps. Most of us post in the daily thread, and you can find us there. You are welcome here...