Members mrsmessey Posted February 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 Hi, I'm Nicole.. This past Saturday, my husband and I made the decision to let our cat, Scooter, go and have him cross the rainbow bridge. He was two and a half years old. At the age of one, he was diagnosed with Feline Leukemia. We went through a round of chemo (about a year of treatment) and he had responded very well to the treatment. Sadly, this past January, we noticed his pink nose turn white (a sign of Anemia) and took him in to the vets. He had dropped a lot of weight and needed a blood transfusion. The doctor (most amazing doctor / staff in the world) informed us there was a chance the blood transfusion wouldn't take and that we were way past the point of return. For a week after the transfusion, he did really well but all of a sudden, his health declined even further. Finally I broke down and could tell he was gone beyond saving. He was falling over and meowing in pain. His eyes weren't focusing and he was shaking. *sigh* I miss him a lot. Scooter was my first pet ever (I am 30 years old) and I never realized how much of an impact one little life could have on me until now. I spent the day after letting him go, crying on and off but trying to stay relaxed all day. Luckily my husband was home, so I wasn't alone. Today, my husband is back at work and I am home alone (I work from home). I miss Scooter so much and I don't know what to do. I can't focus on work or anything else. I miss feeding him, I miss giving him his pills. Scooter was so lively and would be in every room I would be in. He would wait by the door until I got home and then lay in my lap whenever I was working. I just don't know what to do right now and I feel so alone. I know letting him go was the best thing for him. I just don't know how to not cry and to keep moving forward. I just need someone to talk to I guess. I hate that I am alone right now (can't get out due to the weather). I know time heals all but I miss him so much and just don't know what to do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted February 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 I am so sorry about your loss. You made the right decision. Time does heal, but that doesn't help much right now, does it? Do you have any pics? We will be here with you, ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hjovie Posted February 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 Last Thursday my son and I had to make the hard choice to let our beloved cat Cheyenne go. She had crf (kidney disease). We were treating her with medication, sub q fluids and hills prescription canned food and she was responding well to the treatment. But Thursday morning she developed a secondary problem with fliud in her lungs and she was struggling to breath. We rushed her to the vet. She said if we treated the fluid in her lungs it would further damage her kidneys so we were stuck between a rock and a hard place. This was the hardest decision we had to make but along with our vets advice we decided to end her suffering and have her put to sleep Thursday evening around 6 PM. We are heartbroken, I've been crying non stop since and am so depressed. I've even called out for her knowing she's not here anymore, I don't know what I expected, but I did it anyway. For a split second I'll forget she's really gone, then it hits me again and my eyes fill with tears all over. I came to this site to read others stories so I would find some comfort in knowing I'm not alone. I'm so very sorry for your loss and understand your pain completely. Cry when you need to, take your time to grieve. Look at pictures if him. Talk to him when you're alone, I know it sounds silly but it helps me. Do something special in his honor like frame a favorite picture of him or start a journal and write down all your beautiful memories about him. Talk to your friend's, your husband, or come here and talk to us. You're not alone. And you're a very good person with a big heart to have given him a wonderful life and helped him with his illness. Again I'm so very sorry. Sending love and healing vibes to you Nicole. Holly Jo ❤ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrsmessey Posted February 16, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 I have had such a hard time looking at his pictures and videos. I keep crying every time I do. I guess i just feel lonely without him. He would follow me from room to room and never liked being alone.... thank you for your support... I just found myself getting ready for bed and just waiting for him to run into bed with me.... I know time will heal all but this is so hard... Here are some pictures... one as a baby, one about 6 months ago, and one within the last two months... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrsmessey Posted February 16, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 Last Thursday my son and I had to make the hard choice to let our beloved cat Cheyenne go. She had crf (kidney disease). We were treating her with medication, sub q fluids and hills prescription canned food and she was responding well to the treatment. But Thursday morning she developed a secondary problem with fliud in her lungs and she was struggling to breath. We rushed her to the vet. She said if we treated the fluid in her lungs it would further damage her kidneys so we were stuck between a rock and a hard place. This was the hardest decision we had to make but along with our vets advice we decided to end her suffering and have her put to sleep Thursday evening around 6 PM. We are heartbroken, I've been crying non stop since and am so depressed. I've even called out for her knowing she's not here anymore, I don't know what I expected, but I did it anyway. For a split second I'll forget she's really gone, then it hits me again and my eyes fill with tears all over. I came to this site to read others stories so I would find some comfort in knowing I'm not alone. I'm so very sorry for your loss and understand your pain completely. Cry when you need to, take your time to grieve. Look at pictures if him. Talk to him when you're alone, I know it sounds silly but it helps me. Do something special in his honor like frame a favorite picture of him or start a journal and write down all your beautiful memories about him. Talk to your friend's, your husband, or come here and talk to us. You're not alone. And you're a very good person with a big heart to have given him a wonderful life and helped him with his illness. Again I'm so very sorry. Sending love and healing vibes to you Nicole.Holly Jo ❤I wish I could give you a big hug. I know Scooter is in a better place and isn't suffering anymore, but I do miss him. I am like you where I just start crying. Thank you for your support and I am sending some love over your way as well. Time will heal all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hjovie Posted February 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 Nicole,What a beauty Scooter was! Love the white up against the tiger stripes and the cutest little face! Thank you for sharing his photos. I know it's hard to look at their pics sometimes...I'm the same way. I go back and forth with looking at Cheyenne's pics. I will try and figure out how to post some of her. I'm not very good with computers. :/ Hugs back...we will never forget our babies but in time it will get easier to accept and move forward forever carrying them in our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hjovie Posted February 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 Well I think I may have actually posted a few, we'll see what happens! Cheyenne loved dogs. She was always hanging out with my beagle Ariel.☺ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrsmessey Posted February 16, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 Well I think I may have actually posted a few, we'll see what happens! Cheyenne loved dogs. She was always hanging out with my beagle Ariel.☺Cheyenne and your dogs are beautiful! I am doing better today but still am finding moments where I just feel lost. My mother in law suggested I channel my creativity and make something... so I am heading out to the craft store and see what I come up with. I have two other cats (they are my husband's) who have been trying to give me comfort. One, who never ever comes near me, just laid down on my yoga mat while I was practicing. I think we all feel it. Thank you for sharing your photos and your support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hjovie Posted February 16, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 I can completely relate Nicole. I feel so lost today too...crying again. We had her cremated and we're trying to come up with something special to have written about her to go on the box. Nothing feels good enough. I also have two other cats, we love them too and they also are trying to comfort us. One is Cheyenne's sister. She's been sleeping on Cheyenne's favorite blanket. When I wake each morning and think "It's time for Cheyenne's pills..." and it immediately hits me and I break into tears again. I hope you find something at the craft store to make to help ease your pain. I guess this just takes time. I often work out at home, and Cheyenne would always come and plop down right in the middle of where I was working out and I'd have to move her out of my way. A minute later? She would plop herself back again in the same place! Finally I have a little smile...silly cat. ☺ I only wish she would plop down in my way right now. Miss her so much. ❤ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrsmessey Posted February 17, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2016 I can completely relate Nicole. I feel so lost today too...crying again. We had her cremated and we're trying to come up with something special to have written about her to go on the box. Nothing feels good enough. I also have two other cats, we love them too and they also are trying to comfort us. One is Cheyenne's sister. She's been sleeping on Cheyenne's favorite blanket. When I wake each morning and think "It's time for Cheyenne's pills..." and it immediately hits me and I break into tears again. I hope you find something at the craft store to make to help ease your pain. I guess this just takes time. I often work out at home, and Cheyenne would always come and plop down right in the middle of where I was working out and I'd have to move her out of my way. A minute later? She would plop herself back again in the same place! Finally I have a little smile...silly cat. ☺ I only wish she would plop down in my way right now. Miss her so much. ❤I am in the same boat as you. I didn't go to the hospital with my husband when Scooter was put to sleep. I just couldn't, it would have broken me. My husband ended up being in charge of what to write on the urn for his ashes and let me know what he decided on. It fit scooter... he wrote "may you always jump on God's back..." Scooter could always jump from the floor to our shoulders... so I knew the quote was right. Chewy, one of our other cats, isn't very affectionate but was definitely more so today while I was practicing yoga. It is hard when it is feeding / medicine time. I just call out for Scooter and realize a moment later he isn't going to come in running. I was able to get in touch with our oncologist and discuss everything, which helped a lot. A friend of mine...her daughter wants to do a painting of Scooter for us...that made me smile. To know how many people Scooter made happy and touched... it just really makes me happy. I had a hard time while coming into bed tonight as I just miss his cuddles. He would snuggle into the blankets and stay near my belly for warmth. Missing that so much. I didn't end up creating anything today...had to catch up on some other personal things that I completely neglected over the past week. I did take a walk outside now that the weather is a tad better and enjoyed the sunshine while it was out. *leaves you loads of hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hjovie Posted February 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2016 What a beautiful saying to put on Scooter's urn. I love it! We're still deciding. We're limited with what we can write. She was so many things it's so hard to put it all in one sentence. We may just all choose a word that describes her and put those words under her name ending with "LOVED". We actually watched Cheyenne's birth so she's been with us from her first breath to her last. It feels so wrong without her here. As the one week mark of her passing approaches (tomorrow night), I am feeling heartbroken all over again. One week ago today she was fine. The night before she passed I commented to my son how good she was doing and how she had gained weight and her coat looked healthy again. The crf had taken her down to 5 lbs but with treatment we were able to put some weight back on her and she regained her appetite. She was always a big healthy cat, but the kidney disease took it's toll on her poor body. It's nice to come here to talk. Many people don't understand my pain and think I'm ridiculous to be this sad over a cat. One being my own father, and he's a wonderful man, but he doesn't understand. He says "It's just a cat, get on with your life!" Luckily my son understands and has been here with me helping me through. I wouldn't have made it without his support. We have helped each other through. Just like you, we will never forget them, but in time the pain will ease. ❤ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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