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It's been just over two years now since my dad passed away and it hurts the same everyday that goes by, the pain doesn't get any easier and little things I see related to him just remind me of him so much and absolutely kills me inside. The biggest regret I have which burns me inside was that the last night before he passed away he waited up for me till 4am but I didn't come home till 6am because I had a stupid argument with my friend and after coming home I didn't kiss him good night as I used to then at 8am all I heard was my sister screaming that he wouldn't wake up and when I ran downstairs there he was asleep straight up on the sofa. He passed away a week and a half after my 20th birthday and I find it so hard to move on, I still get flashbacks of doing chest compressions on him, the ambulance responder using the electric machine which made my dad's body jump in the air, it all still haunts me and when I sit in that room I can picture my dad infront of me. The bubbly, happy man who always made me happy and never said no to me is no longer here and I always feel like it'd my fault for not being a better son and providing him with the pride he deserveed such as me getting my first job, passing my driving. I did all this after he passed away and it eats at me that he raised me for 20 years and just as I was getting to the point of being able to show him his hard work wasn't in vein and now he left me. Life doesn't feel the same anymore but I try my best to be there for my mum and younger sister. :’(

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Abassra ... I am so sorry for your loss.  Two days ago, two weeks ago, two years ago, makes no difference in how much we miss our parents when they leave us.  I think we all have regrets which is sad because if we knew the day and time they would be leaving us, we would have been there.  The truth is, we don't know when, where or how someone will be taken "home." Try not to be too hard on yourself.  Your dad would be smiling down on you knowing the good things you are doing in your life ...passing your driving ... getting your first job.....and being there for your mom and sister.  Keep up the good work in honour of your dear dad...take care.

 

Cindy Jane

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Abassra, 

 

I am so sorry about the loss of your father. Losing a parent at such a young age is absolutely devastating and I can only imagine what you, your younger sister and your mother have been going through since his passing and now you taking on the role of the man of the house. 

 

When I was 14, my mom had a cardiac episode and needed to be resuscitated, luckily she came back but I completely understand how traumatic that experience is. It still haunts me today. 

 

Guilt is a hard thing to shake, but you need to know that your father loved you for WHO YOU ARE, not for what the "idealic perfect son" would have been. Do not beat yourself up about not being the "perfect son" at the age of 20. NO ONE is perfect and we make tons of mistakes in life, especially in our teens and early 20s. It is how we learn from these mistakes and how we make changes moving forward to better ourselves is what counts. Do not dwell on not being the the perfect son to your father, make a point to strive to be the best person you can be through the rest of your life to make him proud and to honour his legacy as he lives on in you. 

 

I am sending you love and strength in your journey through grief. Stay strong. 

 

Courtney 

 

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Losing a parent is hard, devastating..I lost my dad Dec 2014 when I was 25 with my 2 months old baby. My dad was found unconscious the morning on the couch and sent to Emergency and found it was severe brain damage/hemorrhage. He was in comma for 20 days before leaving us. I was in Canada and went to China with my daughter and my husband 10 days before he died. We could only spend half an hour everyday with him in ICU. I told him lots of Dad I love You, you can make it. but there was no miracle. I was praying and begging to every God I could think of to bless his health. Nothing happened he still left us. It's been 15 months now but everyday I remind myself of the emptiness of not having a father any more. Part of me died too. My dad loved me so much but he was not the expressive type of person. He gave me all the financial support I needed to finish school and while looking for jobs. Now I am working and I hope I can buy gifts for him but he is gone. I still can't believe the fact that he is not with us. I love my dad and wish him rest in peace and watch us. I try to live like a happy person, play with my 18 month daughter and try to have positive attitude in everything but I also feel like I am faking it. I lost interest in life and can't feel real happiness for anything. My mom lived with me for almost two years in Canada and she left. We had problems living together because she is controlling on me and my husband. My dad used to spoil my mom I am sure she feels lonely and empty without him. I love my mom and we were the best friend to each other but it's just not the same now. She seems a complete different person and I can't share my feelings with her or I tried to but she is not understanding me..

Thanks for letting me share my feelings here. I wish all of us will stay strong and find a new path of happiness in this world. Even though it's tough without loved ones.

Hailing

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Hi All,

I lost access to this account but after two years I've managed to get back on and your replies have honestly just touched my heart and soul. I was in such a dark place then and coming on her was somewhere for me to release the pain I was feeling. It's been two years since I wrote that and in all honesty I miss my dad the same everyday, every second. I've gone on to graduate from university and secure a job where I've been for just under 16 months. Life seems to move on so quick but at the same time my thoughts are always stuck in the past with the more happier times. I'm trying my best to look forward and as you guys said make my father proud and make sure his legacy continues. 

Hailing - Im sorry for reading this so late but my thoughts and prayers are with you! I can totally relate to what you say and feel about feeling lifeless and faking it because I've been doing the same but at the same time you have to make sure you remember that what left in your father is now in your beautiful daughter. And as she grows up you can tell her how amazing her grandfather was and make sure his legacy continues to live through your words. We'll never be able to fill the void of our parents leaving us but we can only try and move forward with the beautiful good memories they left us.

I wish the best for you all and once again I cannot explain how much I appreciate just seeing humanity from total strangers around the world. It is truely heart warming. Take care and I hope this reaches you all x

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