Dad's Little Princess Is Gone

[Jazzi's Dad]

I don't know where to begin. She was my kittie Sweetheart. She was rescued in October of 2013. She disappeared 01/17/2016 from our yard. We live in a rural area and predators are always a possibility, but she usually stays close to home and she ALWAYS checks in during the day if she stays out more than an hour or so. She never checked in and she didn't come home. I know that cats can sometimes do this, but it's totally out of character for her. I have looked for her for hours and haven't found a trace. I haven't handled this very well, as I am sobbing most of the time and feeling all the elements of grief at once. Yes, I know she could come wandering in at any time, but that's not likely. It's the not knowing that's the worst. Almost as bad is the guilt that I had one job - keep her safe - and I failed. I miss her so badly that I ache in the pit of my stomach. I keep seeing her in my mind as she would trot toward me to pick her up and I fall apart it all over again. Although I know it's not true, I feel as though I'll be lost forever. This hurts beyond any loss I've ever had, which includes the loss of a grandson. I love you, Jazzi.

 

01/20/16 - 

This is not getting any better. I sob at the thought of not having her here when I came home from work, waiting for me. I would open the door and she'd always run to meet me. I miss he so terribly. The screaming and yelling is my frustration that I, as an admitted control freak, can do nothing about this. I have an appointment with a grief counselor tomorrow in the hopes I can make sense of my feelings of guilt and anger. I know these are a part of the grieving process, but it dominates my day. There are those who feel cats should always remain indoors because of this issue, but when I watch them play outside, catch birds, voles, and lizards, climb the trees I just can't do that to them. Ours are always in at night, and Jazzi and her "sister", Daisy, always stay in while we're gone. We have tow boys, Jeff and Tommy, who stay outside most of the tie, but come in at night. I'm rambling, but writing this is cathartic.  I love you, Jazzi.

[Enin]

Hi Jazzi's Dad, I know exactly how you are feeling. My sweet precious Tabby has been gone 3 days now, and my grief is only getting worse. I cry almost all day. I want to scream, and when I know nobody can hear me, I do scream. I miss my baby more than I can say. Tabby was always an "inside cat" and never went out, but the other 4 cats I've had were "inside-outside cats" and 3 of them disappeared. The first was in 2007 after being with me for 13 yrs. He was a rambler and loved outside. Then one day I let him out after he had some breakfast, and I never saw him again. Six days later I had to have another cat put to sleep from "old age." That was an awful time, but I still had my Tabby. Then in 2012 I got another cat, and 2 1/2 years later I let her out one morning, and never saw her again. I was devastated, but I still had Tabby with me. Last summer a stray cat took up at my house and I started feeding him and he was so sweet, so I took him to the vet and got him checked out and got his shots, cleaned him up and brought him into the house. I let him out one morning in November, and I never saw him again. Now, 2 months later, Tabby had to be put to sleep due to old age and age-related illness. I'm not trying to depress you further, but you're not alone. There are many of us dealing with the loss of our beloved cats and we know how devastated you feel. On the bright side, my niece had a cat that disappeared for 2 weeks and came back home. I hope that can happen for you.