Grieving brother, only sibling, best friend

[Amyb0123]

Hi. My brother died Dec.8,2015 about a month ago and I am so lost. He was gay and we were not even two years apart in age. We were very close. He was 54 and died from lung cancer and yes he smoked. He moved in with me in August and I took care of him until he died. We had a great 7 months and got to say everything but I feel very guilty for several things I told him before he died that I would do but could not. I feel like someone chopped off m y arm or leg. His birthday is coming up. What do I do for my mom? What about Mothers Day? I don't want to cause her more pain. In not sure how I will handle it but have to work that day anyway. Any advice would be so appreciated.

[ModKonnie]

Amyb,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother. How wonderful you had a chance to really say things you've always wanted to and spend some true quality time with him. As far as his birthday, perhaps you should simply ask your mother what she wants to do--celebrate by doing something in his honor or not celebrating this year or perhaps something else. Mother's Day--make sure you at least call and send her a card or flowers--something to let her know she is loved. She needs to hear that right now.

 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

[Love Lives On]

Amy, 

 

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your dear brother. It is so special that you got to spend those last 7 months with your brother and the conversations you shared are something you can treasure for the rest of your life. Do not feel guilty about the things you told him you could do but might not be able to. All you can do is your very best and I am sure that he would be so grateful for that.

 

In terms of what to do for his birthday and Mother's Day, I definitely agree with ModKonnie's advice. Just make sure to only do as much as you and your family can handle. Since the loss is so fresh, you might find his birthday especially emotional this year. Have a conversation with your family about what they would like to do, just make sure not to push yourself more than you and your family are comfortable with. Maybe have your family get together for a nice dinner and take turns sharing happy or funny memories you had with your brother. You can also light a candle in his memory. 

 

This Mother's Day will most likely be very emotional for your mom, a phone call from you to let her know how much you love her and are thinking about her would be very special. If you live close by, maybe take her out for a nice lunch, I'm sure just being with you would make the day easier. 

 

I hope some of these suggestions helped but in the end you know what will be best for you and your family in terms of ways to remember your beloved brother on those special days. I am sending you strength and love during your grieving and healing process.