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Heartlight

Christmas :(

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Hi everyone.

 

Today is the worst day of the year for me.  I have had a dislike-turned-hatred of Christmas since I was 12, about 30 years.  Then, four years ago, my dad died on Christmas day.

 

The first couple years after that, I grew violent at Christmas time.  The sounds and sights of Christmas caused the desire to smash things.  I never did, thankfully.

 

I still hate Christmas but I'm not violent anymore.  And I decided this year that I wasn't going to let my own negativity get in the way of my happiness.  I know that sounds strange.  But it did leave me open to being exuberant at times - I spontaneously organized the staff singing christmas carols to the clients where I work, because oddly enough, although I have always hated Christmas, I have always loved Christmas carols.

 

I still hate Christmas.  I hate that the entirety of this western society thinks I should find some meaning on this day - or find some alternate thing to celebrate: "festivus for the rest of us" is big right now.

 

I just want peace.  I want this day to just be a day off and I want to commemorate my dad in my own personal way and I don't want to have to explain, explain, explain my way through life :(

 

Thanks for listening.  I just needed to babble a little, to try and move some energy in me.  Good luck and I wish you all peace, in your own way, for this season and the months to come.

 

<3

 

 

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Hugs Heartlight ... I am so sorry for your loss.  Christmas is a tough time for many people but to lose a loved one on that day makes it even tougher.  I hope that you got through it ok and were able to think of the good memoires during this season.

 

All we can do is keep on plugging away and try to live our lives the best that we can.  My mom passed on 11 months before my dad and something he said sticks with me when the going gets rough.  He said, We never get over it ... but we get on with it.  I love my dad for leaving me with this thought.  He was so right because I know that I will never get over losing both of my parents but I am getting on with it.  At first I was numb and just going through the motions of every day life but slowly over time I went back to work, I socialize with family and friends on occasion and I try to be the best person that I can be in honour of my parents.  

 

Thanks for sharing with us and hang in there ... time doesn't have us forget but it does help in the healing process.

take care

Cindy Jane

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Thanks, Cindy Jane.  I remember when you told us what your dad had said.  It was good then and it's good today.  Thanks for sharing it once again :)

<3

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I am too new to my loss to know how I will feel, but my sister in law's grief is very similar to yours.  Her favorite "Christmas" shirt anymore is her "Bah Humbug" shirt.  She really battles Christmas every year anymore, and my Mom's passing the week before this year is only adding to it.

 

It is hard when the world around you is forcing something down your throat--whether it is Christmas or something else.  Hopefully now that it is over you can find some peace and quiet.....

 

 

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Eve,

Excellent metaphore of our loss, tragedy and grief..

Will help me next time in explaining how I feel if someone dares to ask..

Susie

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Christmas is sadly just piece of the puzzle that has crumbled...  in front of us.  The puzzle is our life that was put together so nicely before our parent died.  Now the pieces have separated, and are falling... each separately, at different speeds, racing below, falling and falling and falling.  That's how I view this grief.

 

 

Beautifully conveyed, Eve!

 

I have noticed that I've come to pay more attention to the effects of grieving--now that I've experienced it. For instance, when reading about Jackie Kennedy, I never put a lot of thought into her grief for her husband--I figured it probably hurt like crazy. And now, I wonder about all that she felt that night she arrived home....and the following days. Did she too suffer recollections of him when looking at her things and going places?  

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I'm very sorry to hear that heartlight.I know how you feel ever since my mam passed away 2 months ago I also wasmt looking forward to Christmas this year either. It wasn't the same without her infectious laugh or bright smile. I honestly don't think I'll ever enjoy Christmas again, but I have to put on a happy face for my 4 year old son. He was extremely close to my mam, His only grandmother. I have nearly all the decorations down already... Just waiting til the 6th to the the trees down and the Garland. Then finally I can say Christmas is over at last. I hope your ok heart light. And know what you are going through. Xxx

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