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2 Months feels like an eternity


Longlostintentions

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Longlostintentions

I'm new here and really new to grieving forums, or grieving in general This is the first time I've lost someone.

I'm 23 (the baby of my family) and lost my mom a little over 2 months ago. It was really sudden. A scooter on truck accident. She was gone instantly. I still have anxiety inducing flashbacks to the day I found out. A few weeks ago I lost my cat as well. I'm devastated. I have the support of my family but they all live apart from me and are all married with loved ones to support them through it, and I am stuck with an emotionally manipulative and abusive roommate who is constantly making any of my pain about her. I don't have the emotional energy for this. I was already feeling in a rut and dealing with long term depression and anxiety among other things and feeling very unlovable. But I always knew I could call my mom and make it better. Now I don't have her anymore and I feel at such a loss. Its hard for me to want to keep going. I don't care about anything. 

She was so passionate about everything. She went back to school after raising a family and graduated just a couple months before. My oldest sister just had the first grandbaby and she was so happy. She only got 10 months with him. She didn't get to go to my brother's wedding, the only wedding in the family. I haven't seen her in 2 years, come Christmas, and now I never will. I feel bad even though I know we were both busy, and both thought we had more time. 

My birth was complicated and cause both my parents so much pain and fear but they stood by me and loved me and my mom said in a letter she wrote a long time ago that she'd "Do it all over again for me". I've never seen someone so devoted or forgiving. 

I don't really know what the point of this was except to get my story out. 

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silverkitties

Welcome to the club that no one wants to join, Longlostintentions. 

 

I can imagine all too well the pain you must be suffering--and it must feel like a double whammy. I too have lost a mother more than 14 months ago (October 4, 2014) and two cats, one in early 1991 and the other on New Year's Eve 2007.  All of the losses were painful in their own way, but the loss of my second cat and my mom hit me quite hard. I only felt more at ease with the passing of my second cat when I got two kittens related to him. As for my mom, I can hardly say I am quite over her death.  I also shudder to think how I feel when I lose my present cats with no mom (or perhaps anyone) to comfort me. 

 

The pain can be very raw and sharp....how do you say goodbye to a pet that has always followed you around everywhere for 16 and half years? (And he always seemed to know when I was working, reading, or sleeping.) How do you say goodbye to a parent who has raised you, mentored you, comforted you, encouraged you all through the years? The greater the love, the deeper the pain: that is the price we pay. And yet, I don't regret it. 

 

Grief is a long, hard road--rendered even more complicated than it has to be when others expect our lives to turn around magically. Or when they abandon you, in the assumption that your grief should have been resolved by now: and yet, it is precisely that moment when we sometimes need others the most. It is a challenge for anyone at any time--and I should add that I am more than twice your age!  

 

One thing which has helped me over the last year is writing about my mom here--sharing my memories and appreciation of her. Many here have been very receptive even if they don't immediately respond. So please tell us about your mom, who sounds positively amazing.

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Longlostintentions

Thank you both for your kind responses.

 

I do plan on writing about my mom when I've got the strength. I do it a lot on facebook with my siblings who are also going through it. I'm glad other people like to share their stories and will let me say whatever comes to my head.

My mom was 53. And I too would have liked to have her for more than 23 years. She was so spirited and embraced everything she did with passion. Even things she didn't like, she would accept them and embrace them (like her "grandma name" we called her around my nephew). She'd graduated and was just starting a social project for Burning Man which she frequently attended. We all endured a divorce and we were all so broken but she picked herself up really well. Then she remarried and was making a life with him. It felt like she was just starting something not just ending. It still feels impossible. I had a horrible time of it yesterday. Today it felt unreal whenever I thought about it. She couldn't possibly be gone.

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