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Sad4leafClover

How to forgive an Angel....

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My most recent Angel left me in 2010, my mom. I thought I had already forgiven her. But in 2013, I looked in the mirror and there she was. A lonely, sad, angry, alcolholic, who doesn't know what a healthy relationship is. I didn't realize how much like her I was when she was here. I just knew I needed her recognition, guidence, and protection. Now she's gone and so is my opportunity to feel loved by her. When I looked away from the mirror, I turned to my kids, who were patiently waiting, for the same affection. As a mother, I grew, learned a better way, and our lives blossomed . As a daughter, I wonder why I wasn't worth the same transformation. I tell myself that she just couldn't handle looking into the mirror...but it doesn't help. I love her. I need to forgive....I just want to miss and remember the good...because I am her.She's my Angel.

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On November 20, 2015 at 2:21 AM, Sad4leafClover said:

My most recent Angel left me in 2010, my mom. I thought I had already forgiven her. But in 2013, I looked in the mirror and there she was. A lonely, sad, angry, alcolholic, who doesn't know what a healthy relationship is. I didn't realize how much like her I was when she was here. I just knew I needed her recognition, guidence, and protection. Now she's gone and so is my opportunity to feel loved by her. When I looked away from the mirror, I turned to my kids, who were patiently waiting, for the same affection. As a mother, I grew, learned a better way, and our lives blossomed . As a daughter, I wonder why I wasn't worth the same transformation. I tell myself that she just couldn't handle looking into the mirror...but it doesn't help. I love her. I need to forgive....I just want to miss and remember the good...because I am her.She's my Angel.

 

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Dear SadeafClover,

Thank you for your post. I cannot tell you how much I relate to it. I lost my mother a year ago today and it's been so hard bc we were fighting at the time. She died alone and I never got the chance to say goodbye or tell her I love her. 

What you said about the alcoholic who doesn't know a healthy relationship and how alike we are resonated so much with me. 

Im having trouble moving on and forgiving myself. How are you doing? How are you coping? 

I don't have friends I can really confide in, or at least don't want to. I'm a very private person who doesn't like to show vulnerability. That's probably why I find this appealing. 

Anyway, just wanted to say thank you and hope you are well. 

C

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