14 years after my mom's death from breast cancer

[stellamillie]

I was 10 when my mom died of breast cancer. She had cancer for 7 years so even my earliest memories of her were of her being sick. I take solace in the fact that I have memories of my mom, including her walking me to school everyday and our summer road trips. My sister was 13 at the time of her death and I always felt that we dealt with her passing independently, which is probably why we no longer have a relationship- she moved to another country,  got married and stopped contact with my dad and I.

In my family we never talked about my mom because it was too painful for any of us. My dad never remarried, and is a quiet, religious man. He has done his best to maintain a stable household. I find it very hard to have a deeper connection with him as he is very reserved. We often talk of trivial things like household chores and weather.

Going through adolescence, my teens and through university, I was very numb about her death. Growing up, many people assumed I was doing fine because I was doing well academically. Truthfully, I was ignoring everything that had happened to me and focused on something to keep my mind distracted. My extended family thought I had an easy life since I was doing so well in school, and I always felt that was unfair. Out of my mother's side of the family, no one gives me any recognition that what I went through was extremely difficult, and it angers me that they completely ignore my sister and I, even though, we, of all people need their support.

My life has been lonely; I find it hard to make friendships or even meet new people. I've notice that as I am getting older (I am now 24), my anxiety, depression and overall emotions are growing stronger. Since graduating, I have been feeling lost and lack any motivation. It's hard for me to get out of bed, mostly because of family problems. If my mom was around, I think she would bring our family together, but for now my family broken. No matter how much older I get, I think that the pain I feel from the loss of my mother will never go away.

[Lisa k]

Hi stellamillie, Fisrt up I want to say how sorry I am for your loss.To lose a mother at such a very young age would have been so hard.

I understand the lack of support and how lonely it is.It's terrible you and your sister have no contact when family need to support one another.My mum just passed in july and I have no family except my brother who is schizophrenic, I have not one friend,no kids,no partner and feel truly alone.I suffer greatly with anxiety and agarophobia that has become so much worse since my best friend died.This forum is a godsend, it's my only social contact,so please come here and talk whenever you like.I'm sorry you can't talk to your dad too,that must also be hard.I'm quite introverted so I struggle to talk to anyone about what's deep inside and therefore bottle things up.Please know you are not alone here on this site.

Kind Regards

Lisa K