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My Sister took her life


Ju1es

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I'm grieving, I feel lost, numb, like part of my soul has gone.. My sister Ann, my only sibling, took her life in early August this year, I miss her with every tear of my heart. I have dealt with everything involving her death alone, Police , Registry office, Funeral director, Coroner etcetera. I've read a few posts & feel inadequate posting myself when so many of you have had a loved one take their life in a far worse way than I have. My sister Ann, had severe mental health issues, schizophrenia and a personality disorder, she'd struggled to cope with it for a couple of decades and often went periods of time without taking her medication. My sister had tried to take her life a few times before, last attempt she came to recover with me at my house. We talked deeply about it, I did understand how she wanted to be gone from this life, she had not had the best of lives from the start, our Mum didn't want her.

My sister had met a man online, only having known him 2 weeks and packed a bag, took her dog and went down to Devon by train to live with him. I tried to make her see sense cos I was worried about her and her son but she verbally attacked me via texts and calls .. She'd never been so nasty to me before I was distraught about her welfare. I couldn't get an ounce of help from her mental health team.. Nothing. Things calmed down, she apologised to me although I had no right to have expressed my worries really.

All was going well for her for a few months although she was unstable mentally. She'd left her son with her cash card, hadn't taken any ID whatsoever.

My sister was unable to be a strong Mum and was very soft with her Son at times. They quarrelled a lot. Her ex was controlling, lied & cheated. Her house up country was behind on rent & council tax plusvarious other debts, eventually the house went. My nephew was housed in a bedsit. He became estranged from his Mum, she was bombarded me and him with text messages that didn't really make sense, or were impossible to accomplish for her. My nephew gave her a terrible text message telling her to rot in hell. He feels so guilty about the way he treated her. My sister was desperate to be reconciled with him but he wouldn't listen to me saying he didn't have a Mum anymore. I kept contact with my sis regular and eventually her new mental health team spoke to me after my sister gave them permission. She was desperate for her own flat down there. I was very supportive of her, really trying my best to keep her calm and sadly she was verbally aggressive with them a few times. Things had started to go bad with her boyfriend because of her violence and behaviour. He was advised to call the Police next time she had an episode in the hope that she would be hospitalised to get better.. He called the Police, she wasn't sectioned, she was put into a bed and breakfast. A week later after she was found dead in bed in her room. She'd overdosed on prescription medication. She'd actually been threatening to kill herself to me, her care team and boyfriend in the weeks before. I am starting to accept and respect that she'd had enough of a tortured mind and wanted to be at peace. I'm sooooo sorry for rambling on. Just needed to type it out.

Julie

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Hi Julie,

I am so very sorry. It hurts because you loved her. Love doesn't die just because someone does, and you have every right to feel as you do. 

Just know we will be here with you.

 

ModKonnie

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Awww that's so sweet. Thank you so much. I'm struggling, It's like I'm wearing a painted smile. I've been looking through her mobile phone and belongings. I found a little message saying that she loves me. So many unanswered questions I'm trying to get answers to. Seems she was neglected by her mental health team badly.

Julie

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Hi ju1es, I'm very sorry for your loss and know how difficult it is. I normally post in loss of a parent,my mum passed in july and I'm struggling to cope.

My brother has schizophrenia so I understand the difficulties of the illness. He attempted suicide back in 97 and was hospitalized.I have no family other than my brother,I am not married nor do I have kids or any friends.The feeling of loss and lonliness is unbearable and I'm finding it hard to look after my brother and deal with his behaviour.I feel I have no where to turn, my mum was my best friend. I feel numb too and empty.

Don't feel inadequate, a loss is a loss no matter how it happens and it hurts badly.

kind regards

Lisa K

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