Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Raul15

I lost my Mom through depression and suicide 8 years ago

Recommended Posts

Raul15   

Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum and even to chat groups like this where people speak on their experience of having lost a loved one through suicide.

I am 34 and lost my mom 8 years ago. She has mental depression and eventually took her own life by drowning herself in a reservoir near my place.

It's been 8 years but the pain is still so real and I feel very alone about because no one seems to understand. I don't have anyone I can speak to about this and my Wife can hardly understand my grief. She was with me throughout the entire thing... From when my mom was already out of sorts to when she took her own life.

We frequently fight over her lack of ability to communicate and I always tell her how hard it is for me when I drive past the reservoir Everyday. Just yesterday she asked me if I can drop her at the reservoir so she can take a bus to work. I felt so frustrated and sad that after all these years, she still suggested me dropping her there, even though she knows how I feel going by there and there are alternative bus stops.

I feel very alone and frustrated. I am really depressed and at work I put on a different front. Is this still normal after 8 years? Is my expectation of my Wife to understand how I feel and not ask me things which will make me sad too much?

I really need a Friend and Someone who can understand what I am going through. I have suppressed this for too Long and I feel like it's gonna burst:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Raul15,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mother. I can understand your pain because my Mother took her life by shooting herself, three years ago, and my daughter and I found her. She even left notes and the clothes out she wanted to be buried in. To this day, I can still see that image and it is something you never get over.

 

You are right. Most people do not understand our feelings. You feel guilt, you feel like they abandoned you, you feel like everything you ever learned from them is questionable, you feel like why would God allow this, you feel like every nerve ending in your body shattered into a million pieces and you can't put them back together. Our lives have changed forever and we have to almost create it all over again.

 

My daughter had a nervous breakdown and still having problems, and my son is having the same exact problem you are with his wife. When a person dies of natural causes, an illness or an accident, they did not choose to leave their loved ones. A suicide (whether from a chemical embalance, depression, medicine, drug or alcohol issues) they made the choice to leave their loved ones behind. Their ability to cope with life and it's problems was just not strong enough to hold on.

 

My views on life has changed. My mind tends to wander and it is hard to focus anymore and it seems no one understands. Only those that have experienced this would understand. I just pray alot and still talk to those friends that have been supportive. I don't think we will ever get over it or be the same. All we can do is hold on and go on for our loved ones and be strong.

 

I pray that God will hold you close, heal your broken heart and spirit, and give you comfort and peace. Please feel free to write anytime and know that you are not alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Raul15   

Sherry,

Thank you so very much for your post. You have no idea how glad I am to share this with someone who really understands.

I am so so sorry for your loss and I sincerely hope your daughter is doing better now.

You are right abt few understanding and me asking God. I pray and ask him why this had to happen to me. I wish i had someone to share my feelings with but it seems to be a huge taboo to talk abt this in my society. And I feel so alone with my wife not understanding. She apologised today for being insensitive but I know it will happen again.

I feel so tired and worn out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Raul15   

Hi Sherry,

How have you been coping? I still feel very sad and depressed over this and I feel like people will never understand. I have recently been wondering how people can be so oblivious.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good Morning Raul15. I am just now checking in. My family has been going through a difficult situation on top of everything else. My son and daughter in law had a baby via c-section two weeks ago and my daughter in law almost died. An artery was nicked and she was bleeding out. She had to also have an emergency hysterectomy and go back for the repair of the artery. Poor thing. She went through a lot. But she is on the road to recovery. The baby is doing fine and just beautiful. So, once again, life throws us many challenges. But, we are survivors and we can prevail.

 

Other than that, I have been pretty well on the recovery of the loss of my Mom. Yesterday, however, I got really sad and just felt off. I am sure that is normal this time of year. I remembered all our family traditions and could visualize Mom in the kitchen cooking. She loved to cook for everyone. Many of our favorites dishes just can't be duplicated because she had her special touch. But, I am sure she is watching over us.

 

How are you doing? I pray that you are healing. We will never be the same and there will always be an element of sadness within our hearts. Just know that you are not alone. I believe that our life here on earth is just a learning experience and we must learn to feel all the emotions in life in order to be compassionate to others. And how do we really learn? Through pain. We remember the pain and we always turn to God when we are hurting. He wants us to turn to him and lean on his strength. We have been through one of those learning experiences in our journey through our lives. And even when our journey here on earth is complete, we will go on to the next phase or journey in our lives.

 

Just remember that your Mom, as well as mine, didn't understand what their deaths would do to us. They would want us to continue on with life and be as happy and at peace as we possibly can. Her sweet spirit is still with you and you will see her again one day. Until then, I will continue to pray for your healing.

 

I wish you and your family a blest Christmas and promising New Year.

 

My sincerest wishes,

Sherry

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Raul15   

Thanks Sherry. So sorry to hear about your recent spade of events but I am glad it's all good now.

What you say is very true but it still gets to me so much at times.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Venus83   

Hello Raul, 

I am very sorry for your loss. I can not also really understand your loss because I have never been there, but I can try to talk to you. 
What I know about grieve is that you should respect your feelings first....I lost my dad 10 years ago, but was not a suicide...but the pain still remains very alive, and I am sure that in your case that is completely normal also, so dont feel guilty about that! 
Try to talk to you wife and tell her you won't drop her near that place anymore...to be honest, for me what really helped was moving to another place...
I hope you feel better soon, and I hope you can see some light on your situation....
My best wishes 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello I am new to this and I can see that the posts were posted in 2015. I am 25 and have been struggling to deal with my mothers suicide for the past 9 years. My Situation was a little different and she committed suicide in jail at such a young age(33).. I was a 16 year old (oldest of 3) who needed her more than anything. I have forgiven her since I just don't know how to deal with the pain and emotions. I had my first child last year and it was the hardest thing of my life. I couldn't let my Husbands family in the delivery room due to his mother always acting like my mother.. I need a friend who can help me get passed this or even just someone who knows what I am going through. ..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

DreMonkey133

I lost my mother when I was 19.  It is difficult when your parent is not there for the milestones in your life.

If you would like, I am in a master's program for health and wellness coaching.  I am looking for some volunteer clients, survivors of suicide like myself, for 7 weeks of 1:1 coaching (no charge).  Let me know if you'd like interested I can send you more information.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×