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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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It's been almost two years since my husband and I have lost our little angel Sebastian . I had a very healthy pregnancy and talk to dr about delivering early . Around 33 1/2 weeks went to see the doctor about how I was doing and how the baby was . Everything was well with Sebastian at that time and I was not too sure . I was feeling so swollen I couldn't barely move and was hurting to breathe . Doctor reassured me I was fine and so was baby . So did what any parent would do and followed his advice went home put my feet up and rested . Kept getting worse and kept calling doctor office no call back. Finally it was a Friday night and so I went to the closet er . They did a sonogram and said via phone in tears he doesn't look to be moving . I then transferred to the hospital of where I was to give birth . They didn't want to do an emergency c section , so layed in a hospital bed for three days and after long 36 hrs of labor Tuesday evening our little angel I gave birth to was brought into this world . All red and peeling and a lot of black liquid coming out of me . 6 lbs 7 oz and 23 inches long full head of hair . There lie my son Sebastian . I held him afterward and was hard to say good bye . The lady who was suppose to take photos never showed up and also the nurse put him under the hot lamp and made him deteriorate faster . Once I was alone with my son while husband took care of papers the nurse cleaned me up and then forcefully took my son out of my arms . Put me in recovery . They talked my husband out of doing autopsy of our son and made us sign him over to funeral home right away . They tried telling me my son died from cord being around neck . Sent me home too soon from hospital . Less than 12 hrs being home cat saved my life I had toxins from my son and almost killed me cat woke me by biting my face called 911 crawled to the door of my home and stopped breathing after two weeks in coma with 16 liters of fluid taken out of lungs and heart and intibated and put on breathing machine and central line in me . I am here to speak of this two years later . My husband and family and friends have been my biggest supporters . Not only did we lose our son my husband wasn't giving up me next . He prayed all hours of the day and night and waited outside my door praying I would wake up . Dr's tell me I am a miracle and I owe it to God and my angels above and all my family and friends for getting me through. Later found out through records my son pooped in the womb and what I felt was his struggles . He could of been saved . Now I look at life as a new prevention . I may never be able to bare another child which hurts me cause I'm 28 and know it hurts my husband because of the heart condition I have been given through all this . We're finally thinking of adopting . Here I attach a photo of our son we had our friend re photo shop it because the original photo from our phone was so gruesome we didn't want to freak friends and family out but have those for our viewing only .

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Sebastian'smommy,

I am so very sorry you had to deal with such a horrible tragedy. I'm speechless over the way you were treated. My mouth is hanging open, and I am truly speechless. 

 

I am glad you are beginning to be able to move forward from such a devastation. Adoption would be awesome if you cannot have more children. Are you sure you cannot have more children? Is there a medical reason? (Forgive me if I am being too personal). Is it because of your heart condition? 

 

Sebastian looks beautiful and peaceful in that picture. :) 

 

We will be here for you,

 

ModKonnie

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Yes I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy and congested heart failure although it's taken almost two years to get my heart back to normal doctor said there is a chance it could come back like a 40 % chance . I do wanna try again in the future like 5 years as long as doctors and cardiologist think it will be ok too. It gets easier but harder if that makes sense . Some days I lol at him and talk to him and cry a little because I never really got to do all the things I always pictured . But it's ok cause I get to speak to him daily .

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Hi Sebastian'smommy1

 

I just came across your story and I am so unbelievably sorry to hear about not only the loss of your dear son but the way that you were treated by your doctors. However, I am so happy to hear that you pulled through and are still with us today. You definitely have an angel up there watching over you. 

 

I am also happy to hear that you and your husband are moving forward with trying to have another child - either through adoption or if you end up being able to conceive. I wish you nothing but the best!

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story and that photo of your son, Sebastian, he is beautiful and perhaps you sharing your story, you might help save another baby and their mom in the future.

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