Losing my best friend

[jesmer64]

I am only 16 years old but I've always had my best friend Peanut by my side for 6 years. Rescued her when she was a month old from an SPCA. I was bound to choose a different cat but she just would NOT shut up. So I chose her, and I will always be grateful for choosing her. Peanut was noisy; always telling you her stories of the adventures she had - and if something was wrong she would surely be in you face telling you.

She was like a dog, honestly. Would follow you everywhere you went, always, and I mean ALWAYS come to her name.

We shared milk from the same glass, food from the same plate. Everything, and I love her so so much.

Recently, well, about a year ago we moved in with my mothers boyfriend out at a farm. I now own 24 cats, but out of all Peanut is and always was my number 1, and I would do anything for her. Now, you know how farms are. Coyotes, Bobcats, Hawks.. You name it.

My mother saw her a week ago, playing down the road randomly with herself. Then she just, disappeared. Everyday I've gone out to look for her, calling her name that she always responded too, telling myself that she will return, praying that she will turn up.

And now, here I am every night drowning in tears. I don't know what to do without her in all honesty. She completed me, made me better, helped me through everything and I can't get over the fact that I didn't get to say goodbye like everyone else does. I wanted to be able to see her one last time, instead of the thoughts of her being torn apart by coyotes destroying me every night. The thought of her being lost out there kills me and, I blame myself so badly.

I've lost myself, given up. I've always been struggling on and off with depression but losing her just topped it off and I'm overflowing.

Peanut, i will keep looking for you until I can't anymore. I love you.

[exit30]

I can totally relate jesmer64, my buddy Tuffy passed away suddenly at 5 yrs. old, no illness or warning, and I, like you, have no way of overcoming this.  They say that time heals all wounds, but this wound runs very, very deep in my heart and I don't see it ever healing.

 

The only thing I can do right how is cry, and be angry at the world for taking him so soon in life. Don't deny yourself the same thing, cry, be angry, mourn, it's all we have right now. We've had other cats that meant the world to us, but they lived long lives which eventually led to us making the ultimate decision, but Tuffy was only 5 years old, my heart is broken forever.