Coping with my Mum's death and boyfriend Issues

[shirleyvalentine]

I was sure where this topic should go and I hope this is the right one. 

 

I lost my mum on June 2nd really suddenly, she went out to lunch one day and her heart failed at 51 years old. Obviously I am heartbroken and on top of this I have replaced her in our family, looking after everyone else, including my poor dad. Not by choice but because no one else stood up. I am not feeling sorry for myself about this, I know it has to be this way, it's just a lot to take on top of everything else and I am only 24. 

 

Along side this, I have having major problems with my boyfriend. We have been together, in a long distance relationship, for over 3 years. My mum loved him and he was great as soon as it happen, rushing up to comfort me and then for the funeral. After he went home it was if his attitude was life goes on, get over it. He has a lot of problems himself, suffering from depression and has continually reminded me that just because this has happened to me, doesn't mean his problems go away. I feel like he is on me all the time and can't give me a break. It's not like I am falling apart, I am getting on with things because I know my mum would want that but I'm constantly so confused because he makes it out like I am starting arguments and snapping at him when I don't think I am. It just feels like the walls are closing in and I can't figure my way out. I love him with all of my heart and as soon as it happened, I was so glad I had him there but now I'm just so confused. 

 

Thank you if you take the time to read my ramblings.

[ModKonnie]

Shirleyvalentine,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother and the troubles you are experiencing. Your boyfriend just may not understand this is something you do not "get over" ever, and that it will take much time to be able to move forward. Perhaps you should talk to him about how confused you are. Look into some literature on the grieving process and losing your mom and send it to him to read. 

So many people just don't know how to deal with others' grief, so they simply try to pretend nothing ever happened. It's a normal response, even though it's not a very good one. 

You may want to post in "Loss of a Parent" and get some tips and suggestions on how others cope with these types of issues. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

[Kezzabear]

Hi, I hope you're doing okay. The exact same thing happened to my mum when she was 44, it happened in January and I'm young like you, only 21. It's such a shock and I found myself looking after everyone too. Make sure you look after yourself sometimes. I found reading helped. Find a good book you can get lost in as it can take you away from reality for a bit - that's if you can concentrate on it!

If you can, talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you're feeling. Remind him you can be there for each other and work things out for each of you. I argued with my boyfriend when it first happened as I was angry and shocked at what had happened. As time has passed, I've thought about how he might be feeling and things got better. If he really doesn't understand, find other people to talk to about it and hopefully over time he will be ready to talk about it with you too.

Hope that helps.