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Loss of a Teenager


katebe

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griffinsmom

Ashleysmom-

How did you get Ashleys' cell phone message into a bear? I would love to do that!

I must say that my company wouyld not cancel the contract on Griffins phone, so they may not be to cooperative, as I have not and will not pay their bill...(another day).... Thanks-, and I am so sorry for all of our losses...I found this great letter on another site-and it is so perfect for me, maybe someine here will like it too.

Mom-

Please do not think that your life here is over because it was time for me to leave:

You have been presented with such an opportunity to learn and find joy again, even when grief lies in your heart.This is the most divine mission that anyone can ever achieve here:

Do not let a single breath go to waste.I am much closer to you now than I coul have ever been here:I am the very air that you breathe. I have been with you on the days that you could not get out of bed... on the days that you prayed to take your last breath: I am SO VERY PROUD that you made it this far. I caress your face in your sleep and send you signals all day just to let you know that I am only a thought away!

You are STILL MY MOTHER!! Space and Time cannot affect love and I do love you more than words can say!! But it saddens me to think that 1 day out of the thousands that I have lived,the day my physical body died is the day that comes to your mind when you think of me.

We have had such a legacy of memories. Good and bad , Happy and Sad, Silly and serious! What about my crooked smile or the sound of my laughter?? What I want for you more than anything is to TRULY LIVE, BOLDLY LIVE.... with me always in your heart! You can do this! I want you too!!

The vast amount of love that you hold for me DOES NOT require an equal amount of grief. It is actually a testament to how much you love me to let go of your grief and find joy again!!

Letting go of your grief DOES NOT mean that you are letting go of me! It actually means that you will be open to a much closer relationship with me! I have sent you so many signs that you do not see because of your grief.

It is time to step back on your path Dear Mother. I will ALWAYS BE WALKING BESIDE YOU!!!!!!! MAKE ME PROUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your Loving Child

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To Griffins mom thank you so much for that lovely poem.I cried

and cried as I sit home tonight it is Junior Prom and my son Tyler will not be

at his junior prom the poem uplifted me.Thank you.

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griffinsmom

Yes- it will be Senior Prom soon- Spring Break now- then an 18th birthday and a High School Graduation all by May 26....it sucks, pardon me....Griffin has a mem website @ memory-of.com, Griffin Schwartz, if you want to check it out. The site is good for me, and Im sure Griffin likes it for his friends. Glad you liked the poem /letter. Sorry, Tylers Mom

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Griffinsmon, thank you for the letter that you posted about "Dear Mom" it does open a wave of emotion.

"Gardens" are so healing... I can not wait for the snow to disappear. Mikey's garden has become my place and the place for others to visit.

Have a good night

Terry

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Griffin's Mom,

The letter to mom is soo wonderful. I've saved it in a document file on my computer.

The person who wrote it really knew what they were talking about on this subject: "It actually means that you will be open to a much closer relationship with me! I have sent you so many signs that you do not see because of your grief."

I tried to look at Griffin's memorial page, but the web site was temporarily down. I'll try again tomorrow.

Thank you again, robinrenee

http://www.spirit-sanctuary.org

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Griffinsmom,

The letter to mom was great. I agree the person who wrote it knows what they are talking about. As to the cell phone message, I called her cell phone and when the message came I recorded it. After Ashley died I called her cell phone all the time just to hear her voice. The service was going to be shut off and I panicked thinking I wouldn't have her voice anymore so I recorded it. Then I went to build-a-bear at the mall and they have little things that you can record your own message so I put the recorder up to it and it recorded the message. Then I built a bear that was dressed like Ashley would have dressed. The lady at the store thought I was nuts at first because I was building it for my husband, then made myself one, then I made my daughter one, all with the same message. She kept asking me why I would do this. When I finally told her she followed me around the store telling me what a great idea it was. Anyway I love my Ashley bear. Peace to all, Dottei

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titoyginasmom

I was so touched by the poem that I have decided to share one of my son's poems with you all. I don't know how to put his copyright on here so I will just say that it is. In my next post I will post the poem I wrote after my children died.

How I Am Strong

Every day I when I wake up

I am faced with a choice

Do I remain awake

Or do I return to sleep

I know that I will be tested

Tempted, mentally tortured

Throughout my entire day

Yet I choose to remain to stay awake

I guess this makes me strong

Every day I am tempted

To do what is wrong

Yet I do what is right

To get into trouble

Yet I stay out of trouble

To fight when I get mad

Yet I restrain myself

To hide when I am sad

Yet I remain unhidden

To yell and jump when I am happy

Yet I stay calm

I guess this makes me strong

BRRDJohnson

02 October 2002

All Rights Reserved

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titoyginasmom

Here is what I wrote when I was able to write again after my loss:

Such A Short Time

In recent times I have known many trials

I have learned much of sorrows

Become a student of the shadows

Fearing the sunlight, the brightness of day

With the harsh cold reality of what came my way

Yet I find I cannot hide alone in my shadow

Away from the world's prying eyes

I have much asked of me

By well meaning friends and family

Know they not how I long to crawl away

Know they not how I long to fade into the night

Know they not how I long to just run away

As if running would change what has come my way

So swiftly with the wingbeats of angels

My world was shattered, changed forever

My heart and soul left tattered, torn

My life forever changed on that fateful morn

"Time heals all wounds" I hear all the time

Who said this, I want to ask how do they know

What loss did they have, did it equal mine

Where did they learn wounds heal with time

In one quick moment, such a short time

My world was destroyed, ruined beyond repair

Left holding the shattered renants of my world

With no glue, no clue how to rebuild

Now again, my world is crashing down

This mess, though forseen, hurts no less

My mind begs to just shut down

Begs to run far away from this pain

Yet again, this is an option not open

I have a life yet to lead

Things yet to do..or at least I am told

So how do you live when inside you are cold

With a heart that is broken

A soul shattered anew

I pray for the strength

To move on from this moment

This moment, this second

This terrible year

So much I have lost

So much I held dear

Never forgotten, never lost in my mind

Always remembered every moment in time

Each treasure have I in memories of mine

For as I think of them..they are with me again

For such a short time

06 January 2005

K.E.Johnson

All Rights Reserved

Pending Copyright

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momoftravis

To all the parents that have lost their children.

My name is Lisa. I have written before about my son Travis. He was in a tragic car accident on November 13,2004 and died on the 18th. He was a passenger in a car driven by a boy who had been drinking. There were for kids involved in the accident. Two in the front seat and Travis and Kristen in the backseat. Travis and Kristin did not have their seatbelts on. We live in Westfield,In. The four kids decided to drive to Chicago for an evening road trip to visit the Field house in Chicago. They wanted to see where the Indianapolis Colts were to play on that following sunday. They never made it there. They got off an exit in Gary Indiana on Grant Street. As they were heading down the exit, the girl sitting next to the passenger tugged on the drivers are causing him to swirve into a steam roller off to the side of the road. The car it with such force that Kristen and Travis were ejected 60 feet. Kristin died instantly and Travis suffered severe head trauma and ruptured spleen and left Kidney. The driver and other front seat passenger survived. Travis was supposed to be spending the night at his friend, Phil's house and he didn't tell us that he was driving to Chicago. At 500am on the 13th, The ER at Lake County Hospital in Gary called us and told us that travis was in a car accident. This is a call that no parent should ever have to get. We drove up to Gary in hysterics. We did not know who Travis was with or if he was driving the car. We learned after we got to Gary of the other 3 kids. These were kids that my son never hung out with, Just aquantaces from school. Since then Kristins mom and dad have become are friends. Together with them and some other parents, we started Westfield Parents in Partnership. All parent who want to sign an accountability pledge can get their names put into a safe book where other parents can call them if they see their children doing things their not supposed to or the whereabouts of their children. This coming Thursday, we are having a kickoff ceremony at the school with Westfield Parents in Partnership and all the parents and their highschoolers who choose to attend. The Highschoolers will sign The Contract of the Heart in Memory of Kristin and Travis. It is a promise to not drink and drive, use drugs or substances and to be accountable for themselves, to their parents and friends. We had a large picture of Kristin and Travis framed with a large matting. The kids who sign the Contract of the heart will sign the picture and it will hang in the school. We had an impactful video made with video clips of Kristin and Travis and interviews with us as parents and some of their friends. We will show this at the ceremony. My husband will speek to the parents on accountability and Kristin's brother will speek to the teens on accountability. Our community was paralyzed from this Tragedy. Travis and Kristin were both loved by their peers and the families of our community. We hope to impact many teens so please pray for us. If we can save lives, we will do our best. Next friday in honor of Travis and Kristin, we are having a dodgeball tournament with the teens, police officers, fire fighters and parents of the community. We hope to have a good time. Life is about community and the things that we can do to make a difference. Two live lost made a huge impact on so many. This may have been one of God's purpose of their death. He knew that threw the loss of Travis and Kristin would change people's lives in a way that nothing else could do. Everyday I cry for the loss of my son. I wish I could hold him in my arms close to my heart. I miss the "I Love You Mom" that Travis would tell me everyday. God Bless everyone. If you want to visit Travis's website, it is

Traviswoerner.com. There is also another one for teens. Whenyoudrive.com. If you have teens, show them these websites.

Love Lisa

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momoftravis

Here is a song called One Sweet Day.

Sorry I never told you

All I wanted to say

And now it's too late to hold you

Cause you've flown away

So far away.

Never had I imagined

Living without your smile

Feeling and Knowing you hear me

It keeps me alive, alive

And I know you'r shining down on me from heaven

Like so many friends we've lost along the way

And I know eventually we'll be together

One sweet day

Darling I never showed you

Assumed you'd always be there

And I, I took your presence for granted

But I always cared

And I miss the love we shared

Although the sun will never shine the same

I'll Always look when I lay me down to sleep

You will always listen as I pray

Sorry I never told you

All I wanted to say

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titoyginasmom

Travismom I went to both sites you mentioned. I was touched by the love I saw in both sites! I will be showing both of my surving teens the whenyoudrive.com site. I think it has a lot to say, both in the pictures themselves, and the afterword by the deputy. Keep being so strong! You have found a focus for your rage, fear, and loss. I now wish even more I could find mine. I will one day..I am sure of it.

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Griffin's Mom, I got into Griffin's memorial site today, but I had to go in this way, https://griffin-schwartz.memory-of.com/about.aspx. It is beautiful and made with so much love. I love the slide show. Griffin is a handsome young man, and his sweet and happy personality shine through in his website. Thank you for sharing it.

And Travis's mom, thank you for sharing your two wonderful websites. Travis is also a handsome, sweet and happy young man. I can't even imagine how beautiful they are in heaven.

My granddaugter will start driving next year. Thank you for the web site http://www.tell-my-mom.com I passed it along to my daughter and son-in-law. I think that is such a great idea.

Travis is very proud of all the work you are doing in his honor.

robinrenee

http://www.spirit-sanctuary.org

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griffinsmom

RobinRenee-

Im glad you enjoyed Griffins site. It is always adding / changing, so visit anytime-send a message, light a candle. Same for everyone.

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titoyginasmom

Griffinsmom, I went to your son's website. I was touched by it! I was also impressed that you had the courage to post photos of his car after the accident. I have tons of photos that I took of my son's car also, but wouldn't have thought to post them. Certainly not this soon after losing him. My two were the front seat passengers, their friends were in the back seat. The other car involved only had one person, but all five lives were lost. One of the emergency workers told me that my son's arm was out as if to brace my daughter back in her seat. Strange as that sounds it made me soooo proud that things we as parents do without thinking our teens learn and DO! Anyway, back to your site..I lit a candle for your whole family. I sure hope your baby daughter grows up knowing what a wonderful brother she has. His photos showed a true prankster, and a wonderful young man.

God Bless

Kathie

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Please help. I am trying to help parents of teens with some tools for parents in today's world. I am looking for a parent of a child lost in a street racing death, a drug related death and who has has a bad experience with a teen using the internet who would be willing to share their story with other parents in a booklet and on an internet site. I am hoping this will help prevent other parents from loosing their children. I think it would help if these parents could feel that it can happen to any child. I know this is difficult, but if this is possible please e-mail me with your child's story at michellemcdowell@comcast.net.

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Hi all –

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the message boards seem a little different. We’ve streamlined the message boards. We’ve unified the forum and thread names and tried to make things less confusing. I hope that it has made things easier for you.

We are considering adding new threads to the topics and would love to hear what you would like to be added. You can write me at julie@beyondindigo.com to share your thoughts and suggestions. I would love to hear from you.

I am also still looking for message board monitors. If you are interested, please let me know!

Take care,

Julie

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griffinsmom

I have read this- and books upon books- but I still cry much of the day and just feel I can not go on. I have a website, a memorial garden, the school has given my Senior son a page all his own, they are planting a tree.....I just want my son back. What can be a better place than with your mom and sister and friends? What is this Gods Plan theory? I can barely take anymore. I miss Griffin more than I can say-and I still cannot believe he was killed. Its been since Jan. 1, 2005- really, I cant imagine my whole rest of my life without Griffin here. I have a 5 month old daughter, and I am awaiting the time I can be with my son- there is such a huge vacuum in my soul. How strong am I supposed to be, anyway? Someone clue me in. www.memory-of.com type in: Griffin Schwartz

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Griffinsmom, we all lose our strength after the loss of our children. What you feel we have all felt, you are only a few months into this grief and sorrow and it is very hard.

I know you understand the need your daughter has for her mother because you say so, in knowing that eventually you will find the strength, like we all have.

Those first months after a child's death are lived in limbo, in a lack of understanding, in questioning everything we have known, everything we have understood. Our lives are different and the emotional and physical changes we have to make to get our lives stable again are hard and come very slowly. It isn't something we can push because each of us feel and relate to the death of our children in our own way.

You have to go on for your son's memory and your daughter's life, there just is no other option. Just understand you will have to take the time that you need to get to the point of understanding your new life. Like Mitchell says in his post we really do start our lives over with a new reality. It is going to take time to adjust to that reality.

I know I have been in your place at one time. That first year was unbearable mentally and the second year I lost out physically because the stress of Kirk's death, doing things I shouldn't have done because of it put me in the hospital with back problems so severe I was in constant pain and couln't walk, but I knew he would want my life to go on and now 5 years later, going on 2 years after the surgery although I miss him and think about him every single day, the pain isn't as intense, physically and emotionally, and I can look back on his life as a true blessing. A true blessing like Griffin was in your life.

Of course there are still moments, but they are becoming farther and farther between and that is good. Is my life the same? No! It will never be. There is a new reality and we all work through it to make life better for those left here on Earth we love. You will be able to do that, also. Jim

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titoyginasmom

Griffinsmom, I want to let you know that you are already doing MORE than I have been able to do. Your web site is beautiful, and honors your son's memory. I have no real ideas on how to get through these first terrible days. I wish I did! I lost both my Tito and my Gina on 01 October 2004 in a car wreck. I have two children left that I try to live for now. At least until I can find it in me to live for myself again. Every time I have a bad day I ask myself: Would Tito or Gina just want me to give up? To roll over and die with them? Of course every time the answer is no. So I try to keep on living just one more day. Have you seen the movie Finding Nemo? There is an idiot fish named Dorie that has a saying that I now live by: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." So now no matter how bad my day is I just remember that little fish. I know that sounds dumb, but for me it works. I also have photos of the kids in every room of the house. This way I can still see them. I stop where they died and play "their music" that we often fought about for them. I find that now it soothes me instead of annoying me. I made a photo album of their lives, sort of like a Baby Book that includes photos of the crash, and memorial since they were cremated. None of this may help you, but it may give you some ideas. Find someone you can talk to about your son. I am always willing to listen! I would be honored to hear of his life. My email address is KJLyttlbyt@aol.com ok? Just put "Griffin" in the subject line so I know it is you. Many warm thoughts from Texas...

Kathie/TitoyGinasMom

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momoftravis

WE HAD OUR CEREMONY, THE CONTACT OF THE HEART IN MEMORY OF KRISTIN AND TRAVIS

THERE WERE AROUND 300 PEOPLE THERE INCLUDING STUDENTS AND PARENTS. WE HAD STARTED WESTFIELD PARENTS IN PARTNERSHIP AND HAD A PARENT PLEDGE OF ACCOUNTABILITY THEN WE HAD A PARENT TO CHILD CONTRACT OF THE HEART. WE LISTENED TO A VIDEO OF MICHAEL W. SMITH, THEN WE WENT OVER WHAT IT MEANS TO BE ACCOUNTABLE. WE THEN SHOWED A POWERFUL VIDEO THAT WE HAD MADE. FIRST WE SHOWED PICTURES OF KRISTIN AS SHE GREW UP AND PUT IT TO MUSIC THEN WE SHOWED PICTURES OF TRAVIS WITH MUSIC. THEN OUT OF NO WHERE THE SCREEN EXPLODES WITH IMAGES OF TRAVIS AND KRISTIN FLICKERING ON THE SCREEN WITH THEY NEGATIVE IMAGE LIKE LIGHTENNG. NEXT YOU HER SIRENS AND THE WINDBLOWING THEN YOU SEE POLICE CAR LIGHTS FLASHING. WE THEN SHARED INTERVIEWS OF LIFE BEFORE THE ACCIDENT. THE NIGHT OUR LIVES CHANGED AND HOW LIFE IS TODAY. A FRIEND OF TRAVIS AND KRISTIN WROTE A BEAUTIFUL SONG IN THEIR MEMORY. THE END OF THE VIDEO HAD PICTURES AND VIDEO CLIPS OF PARTS OF THEIR LIVES. EVERYONE IN THE AUDITORIUM WAS IN TEARS. WE THEN HAD THE TEENS STAND AND SAY THE PLEDGE OF THE CONTRACT OF THE HEART. THEY ALL CAME IN FRONT OF THE CROWD AND SIGNED THE MATTING BEHIND THEIR PICTURES. EACH CHILD WAS GIVEN A PINK AND BLUE GLOW STICK AND WE TURNED THE LIGHTS DOWN AND SANG A SONG OF MICHAEL W. SMITH. IT WAS SO IMPACTFUL. OUR GRIEF WAS UNLEASHED ALONG WITH THE ATTENDEES. IT WAS A WONDERFUL GATHERING OF THE YOUTH AND THEIR PARENTS IN THE COMMUNITY AND VERY BRAVE OF THE KIDS TO TAKE THE PLEGE. IT WAS SO AWSOME. THERE WAS LOTS OF TEARS, BUT LOTS OF HOPE FOR THEIR FUTURE. WE ALSO HAD A DODGEBALL TOURNAMENT TONIGHT IN MEMORY OF KRISTIN AND TRAVIS. THERE WERE 40 TEAMS OF 6 AND AROUND 300 SPECTATORS. IT WAS AN AWSOME EVENING AND THE TEENS ENJOYED IT. WHAT AN IMPACTFUL COUPLE OF DAYS.

GOD IS WORKING THROUGH US IN HOPES TO MAKE OUR COMMUNITY A SAFER PLACE.

LOVE, LISA

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Lisa, what a wonderful tribute to Travis, your son, and Kristin. I know that your work with this project will make a big difference in many people's lives. Jim

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titoyginasmom

Today my husband and I went up to the crash site/memorial where our children died. We had a unique shock when we arrived! It seems that the Easter Bunny beat us there. :) He left little multi colored Easter eggs and even a stuffed bunny next to the cross. I had decorated some with some eggs that you stick in the ground, and purple cloth for Lent, then with white cloth for the resurrection. We were so amazed! While we were up there we took some clear polyurathane (sp?) and recoated the cross and the few other wood markers so the weather can't destroy them. It was our way to still spend Easter with the kids. At least in some small way. I wish I knew for sure who played Easter Bunny...I owe them the first real smile I have had in days.

God Bless you all..

Kathie

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Kathie, it always feels so good to know that others remember our kids. I know there has been a couple of times this year people have said or done something that makes me feel good. It is a real uplifting feeling.

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Hi everyone --

Did you know if you click on the quote button on the bottom right corner of a member's post, you can add what they said into your post and comment on it?

Take Care,

Julie

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titoyginasmom

Today it has been six months since I lost my two children. To make it extra hard today was also one of Tito's favorite days of the year. He was a prankster. He loved April Fool's Day and Halloween very much. On these days he could cause all sorts of havoc without getting into trouble. I woke this morning with all sorts of memories of his pranks. The early ones, and the more complex ones as he grew. I miss them so much!

Kathie

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Kathie-

I can't even imagine. I lost my 17 year old daughter, Sandra (Itty) on March 16, 2005. She was hit and killed instantly by a van while she was crossing the street. I have two other daughters. Losing one is beyond horrible- two is unimaginable. I miss her so much I can't stand it.

Vicki

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titoyginasmom

Gravy boats passing on the sea, Vicki! I am so very sorry for your loss. I emailed you a minute ago. You have my deepest sympathy on your loss. Please feel free to email me whenever you need to talk to someone.

Kathie

Kathie-

I can't even imagine. I lost my 17 year old daughter, Sandra (Itty) on March 16, 2005. She was hit and killed instantly by a van while she was crossing the street. I have two other daughters. Losing one is beyond horrible- two is unimaginable. I miss her so much I can't stand it.

Vicki

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hannahrosesmom

It's been a while since I've posted a message. It’s been 6 months since my Hannah died and can’t say as I’m feeling much better since it happened. Went to get my hair trimmed the other day where she and I have gone for years and couldn’t keep the tears at bay. Fortunately for me the lady who was doing my hair lost her 10 year old son I forget how many years ago and talked to me about her grief journey. She of course had no problem with my tears. I don’t go in town much anymore except to the bank or cemetery, cemetery mostly. I just can’t put myself in the position of seeing the driver of the car or having to talk with people I haven’t seen since the funeral. I don’t have the energy to deal with them, they can’t possibly understand my pain, nor do I want to hear “she’s in a better place” or “I know how you feel” when they’ve never had this godawful experience. I find myself shutting myself off from the outside world. Depressed? Yes I am! Prom is at the end of this month and Hannah was so excited because she’d be able to go this year. I never got to go when I was in high school and was looking forward to buying her a dress and experiencing prom vicariously through her. The spring weather is here and Hannah was my plant shopping partner. She always helped me plant my gardens and also had a small one of her own. She liked to grow herbs and always had to have a tomato plant. No one in my family eats tomatoes but I’d buy her the plant anyway, and never harvest any tomatoes. She would also be leaving for Austria to live for 3 weeks this June. So many things she’ll miss, so many things I’ll mourn her missing, so many more breaks in my already shattered heart.

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It's been a while since I've posted a message. It’s been 6 months since my Hannah died and can’t say as I’m feeling much better since it happened. . . . She would also be leaving for Austria to live for 3 weeks this June. So many things she’ll miss, so many things I’ll mourn her missing, so many more breaks in my already shattered heart.

Hannah Rose's Mom,

Thank you for writing. Many on this site identify with almost every word you say. . . . we've experienced many of the same things. Plant that tomato plant. Your words, even though they are grieving words, encourage others. Especially me.

Your friend from Texas

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Hannahrosesmom, I truly understand your feelings about this time of the year. Kirk was going into his junior year and all the time that followed for us was very painful. All the things he was looking forward to, all the things he should have been doing were a constant reminder of our grief and it was very hard getting through it. For us we had to go back into the public because we both teach, but it was so hard I just wanted to curl up and forget about everything so I know what you are feeling. It is hard being around people that don't understand, because in their silence, we feel they are not respecting us, but mostly they just can't begin to imagine our pain so therefore have nothing to say.

It is hard those first couple of years and I know what you will be going through because I think the hardest time for us was having to go to Kirk's class's graduation. I remember sitting as far back and as high up as we could so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable, I don't even remember many saying anything to us even though the class did a wonderful tribute to him, going against the will the administration.

I think back to how broken we were, how hurt, how completely leveled. Now it has been almost 5 years and I know that I have healed a little each day. I don't think I could have said that those first years. I can now look back and see all the wonder that our son was, and still is to me. I love him just as much now as I did then, but the pain has subsided and those terrible times I had in the beginning are disappearing a little at a time. Do I still have my moments? Absolutely! I will probably always have them, for the rest of my life, but time does help, if even for a little.

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titoyginasmom

Hannahrosesmom, six months ago I lost two children. Both were seniors in High school, so I DO know how you are feeling in regards to the proms, etc. My son was also in the USArmy. He was to have graduated this past January, and be deployed the same month. Tito was so very proud to serve his country. Gina was a senior also, and making her wonderful wedding plans. She was engaged to her best friend/sweetheart. So I lost two kids, proms, weddings, a military career, and who knows what all else. In the last six months I have learned to deal with well meaning friends and even family that didn't have a clue what to say to me, but were trying to let me know they care. Even my best friend caught the edge of my rage when she thought I was "dwelling to much on the kids..let them go so they can rest in peace." I blew a gasket!! We went through the "how dare you" conversation, the rage, even the tears. Then my best friend did something special! She asked me if I felt even a little bit better. At first I didn't get it, then I realized she had picked a fight with me on purpose so I could vent in whatever way I needed. Amazing! She did know what I needed even though SHE hadn't lost a child. She tells me that she lost something even more precious, she says she lost two wonderful soon-to-be adult friends that she had helped to raise. She is right. If you would like to talk, just let me know. Email me, or just post.

Kathie...mother of Tito and Gina

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Today some of the kids at our high school had a Remember assembly. It included Kirk. It is a program to get kids to buckle up and follow traffic rules. They want us to participate by telling about Kirk's accident and his story. They did a little memorial to him and my wife said it was very moving. I wasn't there, but my wife attended and said that the kids seemed genuinely moved. Problem is that we have to go and look at the scenes of the accident and decide if we want to use pictures of it. I truly want to do this, but the police told them the accident scenes were very graphic and I don't know if I am ready. MomofTravis, I thought that you might be able to help us. I really want to do this, it would be for this next school year. They will be at our school next week to make the presentation and there are going to be a lot of questions from the kids about Kirk. Most of them probably don't even know about him, but now they will and that is probably a good thing. Jim

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titoyginasmom
Problem is that we have to go and look at the scenes of the accident and decide if we want to use pictures of it. I truly want to do this, but the police told them the accident scenes were very graphic and I don't know if I am ready. Jim

Jim, does this mean you have never viewed the photos? If not perhaps you , your wife, and either a member of your clergy or your counselor should talk about it. I worked for years in the Medical Examiner's office in a different state than where I live now. I know just how terrible it can be to see the pictures. Plus I have seen the photos of my children's wreck. I just had to! I had to see for myself how bad it really was. Yes it was bad, but it also answered a lot of questions that I had. For example, my children were both in the front seat, so they had actually leaned toward each other at the end I guess to comfort each other. That helped me a lot. I also viewed them before their bodies were cleaned up. That helped me also..made it more "real" I guess. As for using the photos at the school, have you asked the school board yet? I know each school has rules on that type of stuff. Those are VERY powerful images. Personally I would not use my children's photos due to the amount of damage involved. It would be just too damaging to anyone who viewed them. To know that, to make that choice though you would have to look at the pictures of your son's wreck. See, with my kids there was no chance of an open casket viewing even had I wanted it! Gina suffered severe damage, as did Tito. The kids in the back seat had the Army's facial reconstrucionist help them out for viewing. I asked the Army to help that family...since my son would have wanted it for his friend.

Many warm thoughts..

Kathie

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Kathie, I think they only want the pictures of the car. I know that by now I should be more ready for this and really am glad my wife is wanting to do this because I think it will help her out a lotl. As far as the principal, he has given the ok to start the organization at the school. He balked at first, but relented, I just don't understand his adversion to showing those kids there can be consequences if they don't watch out. We have to decide here pretty soon because they will need to get started. I know I will end up doing it, but it still seems so unreal. I guess if his death will help out another then it will really be work it, I guess my problem is with the way our school district and especially Kirk's high school handled his death. They were cold and uncaring. This principal was a complete jerk, but that is another story that is beyond belief. Jim

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hello kirk's dad and all.i will be celebrating my daughter ( melody watters )10th anniv.on the 14th of this month.time has gone on and the pain is still here,as i and my family goes on with our lifes,we still have the pain of losing a peice of our family chain.i have cried endlessly for her,and the only comfort is god,family and friends.my only other child living is also being a blessing,she recently got saved and will be baptized this sunday.praise god for his mercy and his love and comfort.i am mainly writing to let you all know how i am doing and to say,"i am so sorry for all of your losses" we have an awesome god and i know that he is with us all. plese know that our thoughts and prayers are with you all.god bless and keep you all safe.martha

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hello kirk's dad and all.i will be celebrating my daughter ( melody watters )10th anniv.on the 14th of this month.time has gone on and the pain is still here,as i and my family goes on with our lifes,we still have the pain of losing a peice of our family chain.i have cried endlessly for her,and the only comfort is god,family and friends.my only other child living is also being a blessing,she recently got saved and will be baptized this sunday.praise god for his mercy and his love and comfort.i am mainly writing to let you all know how i am doing and to say,"i am so sorry for all of your losses" we have an awesome god and i know that he is with us all. plese know that our thoughts and prayers are with you all.god bless and keep you all safe.martha
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missingchris

Hannah's Mom:

My husband and I both identify with the mourning of all the things that were yet to come. Chris would have graduated this June, He would have turned 18 the end of May, and was to have been married at Christmas. We just got word, his fiance committed suicide last week. We weren't able to be there for the funeral. My heart breaks for her family. Death of a loved one can bring such pain to us. Some get through it, some don't. I hope that I can set a good example for our 5 year old, to show him that we can survive this loss. I will admit to days of seemingly endless tears and a fog that never lifts. I have days where all I long for is to be with him once more, and wanting life to pass more quickly so I can hug him and tell him I love him. We haven't passed the first year mark, it's coming in August. It still doesn't feel real that never again will he walk through that door. People are letting us know that we've dug ourselves into a hole, and we need to start pulling ourselves out a little at a time. I don't return most calls, I can't seem to bring myself to send emails to most, and my husband's friends are slowly drifting away as he hates to leave the house, almost as much as I do. God willing, we'll get through this, one painful day at a time, and years down the road I can help others travel this same path.

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ladyjanekey

I lost my darling precious Nicholas on Feb. 19th, 2005. My son was severely brain damaged, blind, deaf unable to walk or talk. He was a pure little spiritual vessel who touched many lives and he brought light into my life every single day. We were together almost everday for 16 years. I had him cremated so when I die he will be with me for all eternity. Even though I knew he would not live a long life time I was still shocked that he went so quickly. I guess a parent could never be prepared for the loss of a child.My sympathy for everyone's losses on "Beyond Indigo"

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MissingChris, it is so hard that first year. It is hard to find the strength at times to go on, but go on we must for those around us. It isn't easy, it just down right sucks, but we have others to think of and although I hated the sound of this as much as anyone, I know that our kids would want more for us. The fact that they left us is going to be with us forever and that first couple of years have got to be beyond anyone's imagination if they haven't gone through it.

It just worries me when I hear you say, "People are letting us know that we've dug ourselves into a hole, and we need to start pulling ourselves out a little at a time. I don't return most calls, I can't seem to bring myself to send emails to most, and my husband's friends are slowly drifting away as he hates to leave the house, almost as much as I do."

Have you considered going to a Compassionate Friends meeting. I can tell you it did us a lot of good. It was absolutely a God send to be able to talk to others going through the same thing and listening to how they were able to help themselves out of that dark pit that seems to have no end. For us it wasn't easy even getting to one because the closest meeting was 70 miles away on a Monday night. When teaching the last thing one wants to do is mess up a Monday night, but I can say that it was one of the best things that we did. We attended for over a year and during that time I know that those meetings helped us so very much. There is nothing like speaking face to face with another parent that has gone through this. It was also very helpful to have the wisdom of parents that were at different stages of their journey.

I hope I am not out of line in saying that you need to bring people to you and not push them away, I am sorry, I don't want to hurt you. I truly know how hard that is. We have to have a support group at some time during this horrible event and others that have gone through what we have gone through is a great place to start. Your 5 year old needs you because you know as well as I do he is suffering through this, also. If I could take back some of the things we felt that effected our daughter I would right now, but we can't. This type of event changes a family completely and forever, it doesn't have to be the end, only a very changed and new beginning.

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Ladyjanekey, I am sorry for the loss of your precious Nicholas. There is nothing in the world that can prepare us for that loss, nothing. This is a good place to talk. Jim

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Angel57, they say time heals all wounds, but I know that when a parent goes through the death of a child there will never be a complete healing of that wound.

It has been almost 5 years for us and I definately still have my moments. It is hard. It always will be.

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trubeliever

Dear Ladyjanekey, I am so sorry for your loss. My son Brian left me on 10/1/04 and he was also disabled. He was 13 yrs old. I know how you must feel without your angel Nicholas to care for. I often dream about Brian being here and I am frantic looking for his things, you know medical supplies and formula to feed him. When I awaken I realize he no longer needs those things and unfortunately neither do I. But each time I see him in my dreams, he is happy and well, strong and beautiful. Knowing he is where these things are unnecessary makes me feel happy for him. We are very lucky mom\'s to have had the priviledge to care for these earthly angels. Brian was the best teacher I have ever known. Now I must use the knowledge he gave me, and I hope to somehow make him proud.

4ever Brian\'s mom

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Brian's Mom,

You said, "Brian was the best teacher I have ever known. Now I must use the knowledge he gave me, and I hope to somehow make him proud.

4ever Brian's mom"

You are already making Brian proud. Those of us who had or have a child with a birth defect understand. I remember the special formula that just would not mix properly. That's been many years ago. Perhaps that's one of the times I really found out how prayer does make a difference. Thank you for sharing.

Your friend from Texas

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Light A Candle for Pope John Paul II

Pope John Paul II has touched the hearts of many as he has traveled the world with his message of peace, hope and harmony. He is a man loved by many and has been the beacon of light for the followers of the Catholic Faith. Even non-Catholics have appreciated the deepness of his devotion. We note his passing in sadness and invite people of all faiths to Light A Candle to carry on his message of peace, hope and harmony.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/beyondtalk/lightacandle.php

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Kirksdad, I donated Allen's car to MADD for them to display in their "Crash Trailer". They used photos I approved, pictures of the car at the accident site, none, however of Allen. I would not allow it. Couldn't bring myself to view them (Still can't) Just about didn't go through with it after they approached me to ask for crash scene photos of Allen. To personal, I didn't want Allen exploited, they could have the car but that is were I drew the line.

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hannahrosesmom

Have you considered going to a Compassionate Friends meeting. I can tell you it did us a lot of good. It was absolutely a God send to be able to talk to others going through the same thing and listening to how they were able to help themselves out of that dark pit that seems to have no end. For us it wasn't easy even getting to one because the closest meeting was 70 miles away on a Monday night. When teaching the last thing one wants to do is mess up a Monday night, but I can say that it was one of the best things that we did. We attended for over a year and during that time I know that those meetings helped us so very much. There is nothing like speaking face to face with another parent that has gone through this. It was also very helpful to have the wisdom of parents that were at different stages of their journey.

Compassionate Friends has been a lifesaver for both me and my husband. I cannot say enough good things about this group. We drive over an hour twice a month to these meetings and only wish they were weekly. We feel safe, loved, and completely unafraid to show andfeel emotion. When our relationship was ready to come apart at the seams from the stress and raw nerves, we were able to bring that up and through the stories from the others, were able to get some peace in that part of our life. It took awhile until my husband went, he couldn't understand how talking with other bereaved parents could help, but once he started to go, he looks forward to them as much as I do. We both have particuler members we identify with more than others which is a HUGE relief. If there is a chapter anywhere close, make it a point to go even if out of curiosity, you will be so glad you did.

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trubeliever

Thank you friend. It\'s been 6 months and 1 week now since we lost our son. Funny thing is, I was feeling this way before Brian was born. I had several miscarriages. Now I know God is working in my life to bring something special, that is what happened before and I know it can happen for me again. Meanwhile I am just homesick for my boy......4ever Brian's Mom

Brian\'s Mom,

You said, \"Brian was the best teacher I have ever known. Now I must use the knowledge he gave me, and I hope to somehow make him proud.

4ever Brian\'s mom\"

You are already making Brian proud. Those of us who had or have a child with a birth defect understand. I remember the special formula that just would not mix properly. That\'s been many years ago. Perhaps that\'s one of the times I really found out how prayer does make a difference. Thank you for sharing.

Your friend from Texas

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Dear 4ever Brian's Mom - AKA Trubeliever,

You said, "Now I know God is working in my life to bring something special, that is what happened before and I know it can happen for me again. Meanwhile I am just homesick for my boy......4ever Brian's Mom"

You are in my prayers today. Thankfully, God can do things we cannot do. Keep me posted on your progress.

Your friend from Texas

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titoyginasmom
Kirksdad, I donated Allen's car to MADD for them to display in their "Crash Trailer". They used photos I approved, pictures of the car at the accident site, none, however of Allen. I would not allow it. Couldn't bring myself to view them (Still can't) Just about didn't go through with it after they approached me to ask for crash scene photos of Allen. To personal, I didn't want Allen exploited, they could have the car but that is were I drew the line.

I am so very proud that you were able to make something good come from your loss! I honestly believe that Allen IS rejoicing for/with you in this choice. You have most likely helped to save someone else's child, and spared another parent the horror we are all feeling now. When I worked at the ME's office we did a program called "Wake Up" sponsered by MADD. We would choose one victim of a drunk driving accident, then have a group of convicted drunks come in AFTER the post to see the effects of the accident. They got to see exactly what their driving drunk could do to an innocent person. Programs like this are all over the country, and most counties will offer it as an option to reduce their sentence. Believe me...IF they make it through the program they have earned the reduced sentence. We make it scary, and very graphic!

Again I am proud to know you were able to find it in you to help try to prevent another senseless loss. Bravo!

Kathie

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It's been a long time since I posted. I'm sorry for all the new people that have joined lately since it means more deaths of our children. I'm having a REALLY hard time with my 14 year old daughter Kirstyn. I realized over the past year or so we are growing further and further apart. I was talking to my wife about it last night. She told me the reason we are not as close as before is that my daughter Kirstyn believes I'm living too much through my daughter Steffanie who was killed in a car accident over 2 years ago. I'm taking this as her way of saying "get over it". I must point out that her and her half-sister didn't know each other very well because they never lived together. Any body else have this problem? Maybe I need to move on but I'm finding it very difficult.

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