Loss of a Teenager

[bigmikesmom]

Susy, I am so very sorry! Everyone on this forum has said what it is like loosing our wonderful kids. I don't think I have anything else to add except I will pray for you and your family. My son was killed in an auto accident on Thanksgiving Day nov23,2006.I was behind him in my car,so I am also suffereing from post-traumatic shock syndrome so I know this complicates the grief process.Grief is a journey. Others on this forum have more experience because they have been on the journey longer and have more helpful suggestions. I guess I can add just take it minute by minute.You will feel different and mood changes.Please let yourself experience your grief..Whatever you do is OK Be gentile on yourself.If you feel like staying in bed all day, do it.Whatever you do is really Ok. Someone sent me a book "streams in the Desert" by Lb cowman.It is a daily devotional. I read it every day. It helped me get through that day. I just started re-reading it because it has been a year sice I started it.

I don't know if I ever posted anything to David's mom.I am so sorry about your loss also.God Bless everyone on this site. If I omitted anyone I am sorry. I think you all have helped me in some way. God Bless all of you!

BigMikesMom-Patti

[lagrangel]

Anne, I am doing okay today. I was fine until I was driving home from work today and it just hit me how much I miss that wondrful son, as we all miss our children. I stopped past his grave today and just cried and told him how much I missed him. It's been harder for me after Christmas maybe becuase I know he would be home with us until he went back to college with his brother Jan. 14. I have had so many people ask how was your Christmas? Wow, how do you answer that knowing my heart was broken not having our third son here but I just say it was okay. I know they are trying to be nice but sometimes I just want to scream out, " how would you be if you had lost one of your children 4 months ago"!!! Do I sound mean??? I just don't know what to say at times. My heart is broken and it hard to answer so many of those questions at school. I really am thankful for you, Trish and Claudia your support has helped me so much in the months since my sons death. It is so great to have friends to talk to about our pain who know exactly what it is all about....... Well so on about my day. I hope your days have been better for you lately. I hope one day your husband will be able to lead in the music at church. I know that would be a very hard especially when your heart is broken. My husband and I were very active in our church, he was the treasurer for three years served on the board and I taught the 3,4,and 5 year olds but I just could not do it. I am strong at work but I tend to fall apart at church. Does your son talk about his brother or how he feels? I hope you have a good day Saturday. Love and prayers to you, Love Lana

[lindseysmom]

2yrs later, people ask how was your Christmas, and I want to scream  4months and they ask that????People don't get, I know you could not possibly understand this grief if you've never experienced the feeling of losing a child, but geez can't people put there self in your place...Those comments and statements that come from people who have children will always amaze me.  I am so easy going, but remarks like that make me crazy, and how terrible it is but I have answered in that manner, one mother said my daughter was in a better place,  I said yes she is, but Im not. Well hey you have a daughter we all want whats best for our children, do you wish your daughter to be in a better place....she turned white and I was sick for making such a statement.  Thats when I went home and stayed there for another couple of weeks...People mean well, but did you have a nice Christmas....I could scream.  Peace and comfort to all.  We know your pain.... Will you ever have a nice Christmas again????????????????????????

[loveyoujustin]

www.justinscottwagnermemorialfund.com

My love and peace to all  of you, my dear friends at BI.  The only ones who "really know."

[mikesmum]

[user=13437]lindseysmom[/user] wrote:

2yrs later, people ask how was your Christmas, and I want to scream  4months and they ask that????People don't get, I know you could not possibly understand this grief if you've never experienced the feeling of losing a child, but geez can't people put there self in your place...Those comments and statements that come from people who have children will always amaze me.  I am so easy going, but remarks like that make me crazy, and how terrible it is but I have answered in that manner, one mother said my daughter was in a better place,  I said yes she is, but Im not. Well hey you have a daughter we all want whats best for our children, do you wish your daughter to be in a better place....she turned white and I was sick for making such a statement.  Thats when I went home and stayed there for another couple of weeks...People mean well, but did you have a nice Christmas....I could scream.  Peace and comfort to all.  We know your pain.... Will you ever have a nice Christmas again????????????????????????

Lindseysmom. it truly is up there with, its been a year, whats wrong and time heals.....etc etc etc.....usually said by those whose families are intact!

Those who know where you are and know where you have been also know where you are going......this is one place where the unspoken is acknowledged, it a given the you are never going to have the normal celebrations ..... things have changed and while (apparently) the times of locked away may lessen.....the whole in the heart never quite repairs..

Thoughts with you..........

[fujismum]

I too, as I guess we all do, have experienced the disappointment of others who we thought might know better, making crass and unhelpful comments. When Mike and I  share our experiences we say " I just had comment No 11 for the book What Not to say to a grieving parent".Between us on this site I bet we could get hundreds to write in that book.

People can't possibly know our pain, but I continue to be amazed at crass insensitivity. We have been making a memorial garden in memory of Jamie, it has been a Christmas holiday project to help us cope with time at home.A male friend came to visit recently and suggested we have Jamie's remains moved and buried there.!!!! I nearly passed out at the horror of it and the casual way he said it.

We have had our pain compared to that of a church leader who lost a much loved family cat ! I lost count of people who wished me a wonderful Christmas and a better year for 2008.I was told the other week in church by a "counsellor" who noted the tears rolling down my cheeks and told me it was time to hand my grief to God  and hold my head up again. What does she think I've been doing since this happened? It is only through God's help I am still here today.16 months of relentless pain and agony.

At least we all have each other to rant and share with.Love to you all.

Anne

[jjrmom]

It has been 13 months since Jerrod died and I avoid places I once liked. It seems so unreal he is dead a nightmare. I got a call out of the blue a girl calling and asking for him. She was in the service and had n't known he had passed away. She had been calling his cell phone and it just went to his voice message.  She said she had been trying to call him off and on for the past year. She didn't know really any of his friends because they didn'tgo to the same high school. They meet whn she took a EMT class and she had broken a leg and he started giving her rides. She moved away. She lost it when I told her he had passed away and so did I. She hang up real quick. Then about 15 minutes later she called back and told me that Jerrod love me and that he loved his family and would talk about us. That was nice of her because have had really bad days lately

[jordansproudmom]

It's only been 2 and half months for me and sometimes I can hardly believe Jordan is gone too.  I ran into a few people this week that I hadn't seen in a long time. Two of them didn't know about Jordan's death. It was hard to tell them.  Not because it effected them a lot but because it was hard for me to verbalize without crying.  But I swallowed the lump and moved on.  I was given poster boards that kids wrote messages on at the memorial. I had not read them yet. I pulled them out last night. They were so sweet. The kids said that Jordan was a great guy and I should be proud to be his mom. And that I did a good job raising him. That made me feel good.  Just like the girl telling you that Jerrod loved you and spoke of you often. It's those little messages that keep me going.  I hope this email finds you with a little more peace then yesterday.

 

[user=16928]jjrmom[/user] wrote:

It has been 13 months since Jerrod died and I avoid places I once liked. It seems so unreal he is dead a nightmare. I got a call out of the blue a girl calling and asking for him. She was in the service and had n't known he had passed away. She had been calling his cell phone and it just went to his voice message.  She said she had been trying to call him off and on for the past year. She didn't know really any of his friends because they didn'tgo to the same high school. They meet whn she took a EMT class and she had broken a leg and he started giving her rides. She moved away. She lost it when I told her he had passed away and so did I. She hang up real quick. Then about 15 minutes later she called back and told me that Jerrod love me and that he loved his family and would talk about us. That was nice of her because have had really bad days lately

[jjrmom]

Thanks,

It was nice to hear that my son loved me. We have had such a hard road lately especially with my other son. He has been in and out of trouble lately and has been in rehab.For Christmas we decide to escape and go to Vegas just to get away and  take him . He just turneed  turned 21 a few days before Christmas and wanted to do something special.  SO  he went with us and  and became out of control  I became his verbal  punching bag. Then he decide to wreck my car so much for rehab. I guess the night before we were to leave he got something from his new friends he has been hanging with this last year.  So basically in 13 months I have lost two kids. One killed and another to drugs. I don't know what to do.

[wyomingsal]

Jrmom,

I am so sorry you are dealing with the substance abuse issues with your l/c. Sometimes it must seem too much to bear while grieving. My husband has been a user and I know how ugly the monster of addiction can be.   He can get just about any med he thinks he wants from doctors because old severe knee injuries he has.  The lying, hiding things, anger, not caring about anything except how to continue using.  He spent 3 months in the state hospital and has been doing better but the pain of losing our son is pushing him towards our old ways.  The person you love is still in there but they are lost under all the substances and the need to use at any cost. Your heart must be so heavy.  Let me know if you need someone to talk to. 

Hugs

Sal

[lisaloring]

We are now 9 weeks post losing David. My pain is so raw, as all of the numbness is gone. I cry, no, I weep constantly. My whole self is as if it were in constant turnoil and agony...I am so miserable, so lost, and I miss him so much. I don't know how I am going to live the rest of my life without him. Have others felt it become more difficult like this. I don;t know what to expect of any of this....I, myself feel dead.

[wyomingsal]

Lisa,

I love that picture you posted.  Reminds me of my son Joshua a little.  The pain does gets worse after the numbess wears off a little and people go back to their lives but you don't have the same life to go back to.  You are expected to start pulling things together about now and yet you are just starting to comprehend the full impact of what has been lost.  I am so sorry you are on this horrible road with us.  It really is the worst thing that could happen to a parent.  I am ahead of you a little on this journey as my Joshua died in July and experienced the increase in pain and despair in September (both of our birthdays) as the realization that he wasn't there for my birthday and his surfaced.  Take care of yourself.  Try to get rest if you can.  We are here for you to come and type to anytime.

Sal

ps.  I just looked at your memorial sight for David and it is so beautiful.  I can't help but cry as I read the poems and look at the pictures of your children together.  I know the pain that is so overwhelming you just can't stand it. 

[lisaloring]

Thank you for your kind words Sal. How nice it is to hear someone say your child is beautiful. I miss him so much, he is my every thought. Sometimes I feel so guilty saying this, talking about all MY pain, when I know there are so many others suffering as I am.....My tears are also for all of your lost children as well, as I cry when I read each of your stories, and see each of their faces.  I read about Joshua's accident, Sal. I am so very sorry, and I hope you are faring better with your feelings of guilt. I have those thoughts as well, as I saw David less than one hour before he was in the accident. "If only I had paid more attention"....I would have known they had liquor, were drinking, would go out for a drive.....I NEVER go out myself. Nov 2 was the first and last time, as this was the night I lost my beloved. 

My only solace is gazing at his photos, trying to think of his sweetness, the way he smelled....His inner and outer beauty captivated me since he was born. I was so blessed to have been his mother!

[mikesmum]

Lisa, to lose a child is one thing, but the way in which they are lost seems to be even more devestating.  The fallout of a simple action that many have been guilty of can impact as you say on many a young life.

Your pictures and the video show a bright young man with an energy that shines through.  Your loss is so raw, so new that to be able to function past breathing this soon is an achievement.

As for not wanting Matt (I think that's his name) to be jailed for 65yrs, here they have victim impact statements that can sometimes allow a more linent sentence to be considered.  I would imaging your statment would carry some considerable weight given it is you who has lost your son.

This journey is never going to be easy and can be harder given the circumstances and friendships interwined with Davids death.  Here is somewhere that you may find some peace or respite from those already on their journey.

Blessed be - Trudi

[fujismum]

Lisa it has only been 9 weeks.Your agony is a natural response to such a terrible loss.Try not to be afraid of it, you loved your son as only a mother can and the pain of losing him equates to the love you have for him.That's how I try to see it anyway, then somehow it seems to make a little sense.

This is a long journey and there will be times that we can all relate when we feel we cannot survive, the pain is too great the loss too hard.The early weeks and months are so hard, this pain is unfamiliar and as the shock wears off the pain truly starts. In time I believe you will have ebbs and flows in your grief, bad days and slightly better days.But it can't be hurried and no one can tell you how long  it will be before you have a glimpse of peace, or much welcome numbness again.

Just remember there are many of us here who are on this journey too and we are all trying to find a way to survive, to find our "new normal" we don't want.

In my experience( 16 months on) the waves of grief that threaten to consume me do eventually subside,sometines with a little easier period before the next wave of grief.But we are all different.Just share  here with us,there are no rules in grief, but we walk with you,we are here for each other.

Much love Anne

[iansmom]

Lisa, I'm so very sorry for your loss. What do we do when tragedy strikes? We hurt. It’s a long painful journey and I have found, it is full of frightful choices. The urge to retreat into a cocoon-like existence, depression is easily slipped into, the allure of escaping into busyness, what my husband did. This temptation can take us further and further from healing, which lies the obscure choice of acceptance. I say obscure because this path leads to pain and makes no promise of quick healing. Grieving pain can be exhausting. Feelings of sorrow, depression can eat away at us internally to the point that we feel our bodies will waste away. We lose strength. We forfeit any since of balance and control over our emotions. We’re reduced to groaning, powerless, grief-stricken creatures. Emotions are very fragile things. It won’t help at all to hold it all in, pretending you don’t feel, in fact it will hurt you in the long run. My family and I are here in this club for 22 months now. I couldn’t function and had no since of time for 9 months and now some of the grieving process has been prolonged. There are times when grieving the loss of my son is so deep that I could hardly breath much less talk. But what a joy to know that God is there and he understands. No pit is so deep that He is not deeper still. Underneath us are God’s everlasting arms - and He understands, He’s there with us, carrying us as we walk, it’s His promise. Psalm 91.

Can strength be born out of weakness? When we stand in the middle of a life storm, it seems as if the storm has become our way of life. We cannot see a way out. We are unable to chart a course back to smoother waters. I have felt defeated - and broken. Will this keep me in the “if only” thinking or do I lean to the One that calms the storm. I’ve made my choice. I read somewhere that there’s no such thing as Christian tragedy because, though tragic things may happen to the protagonist, the Christian always ends up in the arms of God. Well, that’s me, in His arms.

Lisa, David is a handsome young man and he has the name of a man after Gods own heart. God must have needed an angel really bad to have taken him home. We will see our boys again one day. Give yourself time to heal, learn to breath again then take things as you can even if its breath to breath, moment by moment till one day you can start your way to the rest of your life. I know you can’t even see beyond each moment yet but it’ll come in time. I’m praying for you.

Iansmom, Faith

[luvumicheal]

lisa we are in the same place of agony...I also lost my first born son on 11/2/2007...It has also been 9 grueling weeks for me..and the pain just dosent seem to eaze..if anything it seems to get worse...just hang on as I am trying ...take it day by day...I feel as you do....(hugs=0))

[lisaloring]

Thanks to all of you kind mama's. Even through your own pain, you support me. I ache for each of you as well. Today was better, but now its 3 am, and I havent slept. Night time is the worst. The house is quiet, and I am alone with my thoughts. I am hanging in there. I did take a drive to David's accident site yesterday, alone. I am all alone now, as my longtime partner decided he wasn't "getting any younger", and I was too "dependant"! This was only weeks after David was killed. This was the man who saw David through 2 hospitalizations, who lived with my family, who I loved and trusted. The man who picked me up and held me when I got the horrible news that my son was dead. This man planned my sons funeral, but only stuck around until our "public show" was over. Between Nov 3 and Christmas, I lost my son, my father died, and my significant other "left"....too much loss all at once. Grief is so difficult, but even harder alone...no, worse when it is coupled with abandonment...no, nothing is worse than losing a child. I just miss my David.

Love to all, Lisa (david's mama)

[fujismum]

Oh Lisa I am so sorry to read that your relationship has broken up at such a difficult time.You poor love. No wonder you are struggling with so many overwhelming feelings to cope with.And to lose your father too. Sheer agony for you.

You are doing so well just to get through each day.

Nights are tough, I bet we can all agree to that.There's something about the quiet and darkness at those 3am times when we can't escape our blackest thoughts and deepest pain.

Lisa you take care, seek out friends and family you can trust.Wish we could give you a hug.Hang on tight.

Anne

[lisaloring]

TY Anne. I really unloaded in that last one. lol It came after a particularly long, difficult period of awakeness. Boy does insomnia get me. I finally had to buckle and take sleeping pills to ever be able to rest. I have never liked any of the mind altering drugs, especially the psychotropics medications. But, I once went 6 days without a moments sleep, and felt like I was going crazy, or going to drop over. I will now take the sleeping meds, prescription Clonopin or Ativan. Its the only way sometimes. I don't like how these medicines make me feel, my mind so dull, but if do not ever sleep, I am pretty much useless.

Yes, lots of loss. I had a much better day yesterday, even slepp 7 hours straight last night. I am in better shape, more focused, and much less vulnerable.

TY for thinking of me. Much love to you, and all of the mama's papa's here.

Lisa

David's mama

http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com/

[momof04]

HI all. It has been a while since I have been on here, I took the holidays harder then I could have ever imagined. Lisa, I have to say your storey touched me so much. I feel your pain. I have a son the same age as yours. My little girl (9) was killed in a car accident on September 3.  MY 17 year old son was driving. My other daughter and I were injured asl well. My son recovered quite well. My older daughter is still recoveing from her brain injuries, (long fusterating road) She came home from the hospital on what would have been my little angles 10th birthday. The accidedent was not my sons fault but the guy who it us may have been on his cell phone, but NO charges are being filed. He ran a stop sign while driving a silage truck loaded to the max. I know that if he were to pay for this it wouldn't bring my Jayme back, I think it would give me some peice of mind. I hope you get some justice for you loss.

As for you feeling abandoned. Hange in there, You are never alone in here. There truely are great people here and we will always be hear for you. I think I have finaly reached the point were I want to help people in here now cause so many wonderful people helped me through so much. I rember the sleepless nights(still have many) that I would come on here and just ask questions. This was the only place I didnt feel alone. My husband has been here but he is going through it in his own way and I hate bring him down if he is having a good day. So my savior has been my friends. There is alway someone who wants to know how I am doing and if they can help. Even if it just mean crying on there shoulder. I would like to be your friend you can come to....My prayers are with you all. Carrie

[wyomingsal]

I don't know what happend to my post but I just wrote a post welcoming you back, Carrie.

I have been wondering about you and am so sad to hear your daughter is struggling with brain injury from the accident.  I have always identified with you and your situation because our heavenly children are so close in age and we are both mom's of 4.   Glad to hear from you.

Sal

 

[momof04]

Hi Sal, I think about you all the time as well. I know that our children are together and I know I could have never made it through this with out you. Every time I miss Jayme I know she has made new great friends like your son. That is how I get through it. I rember the day I found this site and thought do I post or not. Then I met wonderful people like you and I know my Jayme and God guided me to this wonderful site.

[loveyoujustin]

HI everyone.  It's been a while for me too.  I read the posts often, and learning of the new, precious sons and daughters that have been "stolen" from us just seems a bit too much for me to bear at times.  I am struggling through, some days a bit better than others, but I just wanted to say to the "newcomers" that this is THE place for comfort and understanding without judgement from people who feel your pain, and to my old friends here, thank you from the bottom of my heart for seeing me through the darkest of my days.  Love and Peace to All.    Trish

www.justinscottwagnermemorialfund.com

Peace, paradise and happiness, I miss you and love you Justin!!!!

[bigmikesmom]

Hi Trish, It is nice to hear from you. I think of you often.

BigMikesMom-Patti

[fujismum]

Hi everyone,

Reading often not writing much though.I've been in the depths - know what I mean?

Tryiong to clamber out of the pit of despair to face another day.

My husband Mike and son Tim have been away on a ski trip and from the moment they left I had the most awful dread that something terrible might happen to them too and that I would be left bereft forever. When tragedy has struck a family, far from feeling it surely can never happen again, we feel the opposite- it can happen and it does happen - to us! 

They are now back home safely, but although I so looked forward to them getting back, somehow I "thought" they might bring Jamie back with them, like it used to be when the three of them went away on trips.I know it is irrational but it is a very powerful and real feeling.

So once again I was hit so hard by the fact that my family never all return home safe, one of us is never here, one of us remains away when we bolt the door at night. It never feels safe or cosy anymore, with everyone home and tucked up in bed,always this awful horror and sadness that Jamie is never with us.

I am a Christian,so was Jamie, I believe he is in a better place and I trust I will be with him again one day.But for now he seems so far far away and I miss him with every part of my being.It hurts so bad some times I just can't face the future, it's just full of more pain.Who would want to live in our shoes? I know God grieves with us but right now He seems so far away too.

Still, I have to find a way ahead, like we all do,hang on in there we tell each other.Take it one day at a time.

Thanks for listening

Love to all

Anne

[4everjoeysmom]

Anne, Oh how I know that feeling...  I think sometimes I still try and tell myself Joey is gone off somewhere and I'll see him again soon.  Metaphorically speaking, that is true, because I believe as you do and my faith tells me so.  But that missing....  It's endless and gripping, and it just doesn't seem to ease at all with time.  I ebb and flow from good days to bad.  I imagine my whole life will be to a degree an ebbing and flowing and trying to process what all of this si supposed to mean in my here and now.  I'm so sorry you're having such a wave...  Hold on tight and know you are not alone.  BIG HUGS, Claudia

[terryd]

Deep love and understanding to all....

My Name is Terry and it has been awhile since I have been on this board. First and foremost.... Please to all who have joined this club,( not willingly) my arms and a nod for I do understand. My beginnings, my months, my story, my loss are in the archives of beyond indigo, as then and still now when I enter another phase of understanding and sometimes the lack of, the only place I can now go with acceptance knowing I will be understood or accepted is here.

I am a very strong lady surrounded by the spirit of a very strong little boy, his love and my only way to join him is to move on. This sounds easy, sometimes absurd ...but as time goes on it is that what is expected.

Love is the most amazing addiction in the world. Surpasses drugs, nicotine, alcohol. Love however is not anything ever to get over. Even greater is the love we have for our children. I can assure you, you will not forget but you learn to celebrate.

You do have those moments where somethings triggers and you find yourself in a place where nothing seems clear, you float through, you go through life's mechanics ( because you have to) and find yourself somewhere that's okay... you get through.

Yes I am here, this is so much a surprise to me after this amount of time but once again, this loneliness, the ache, the air that we breath sometimes just does not go deep enough... it is then our children give us a gift.

My wonderful story... New Years we went to chicago, my dearest best friend found her self in a vulnerable helpless situation where her son was working, tired and in her fear started to panic. As she had time to prevent her son from having an accident, falling a sleep behind a wheel like my Michael.

She did, her son is fine but it brought me into a phase of grieving I was never before. I never had the chance to try to fix it.... Living her step by step motion was all that I would ever expect her or I to do, but I never had the chance.

My tear ducts opened, in a way I do not feel they ever really opened before.

Last week I attended a week long convention in Atlanta. Many miles from home and several weeks since the New Years. My "new" husband ( some good things do happen) and I decided not to sit through an awards ceremony and hang back, when this absolutely beautiful older woman, in a gorgeous velvet gown ask if she could sit with me.

Almost instantly... she started telling me about her grandmother in Turkey and as a young girl, when she was upset, her grand mother would have her sit in front of a window, looking at the water and this little girl would settle down as if she was looking at a movie. Her grand mother knew and told her parents watch her, as she is a gifted child.

She then told me about her mom, going into an operation and she never left her side and saw everything but also knew her mom was going to be fine. In actual time, this daughter was sitting in the waiting room with her father, but yet never left her mother.

She knew my Michael... she knew my mom who I lost a year and a half ago, and knew when my mom passed that Michael came for her. This was unbelievable as I was with my mom when she sat up in her bed ( now my mom was so ill she could not move) bent down grabbed someone's hand leaned forward, gently kissed the hand with her eyes wide open and a smile that would light the world.

Our children do not leave us.... especially when we least expect it, they give us what we need.

She told me My Michael keeps leading me where I need to go and what was especially sweet... she is a Catholic yet a psychic. This made it very personal.

I am so sorry this is long... my greatest message is breath... Our babies never leave us. I am a Mommy who has to have faith... and my Michael pops in once in awhile to remind me.

Love Terry

[lisaloring]

Sal and Anne, I am also mother of 4. 2 sons in Heaven, and 2 sons who are still with me. I haven't posted in a few days, been hanging in there, and have actually been doing "ok". My 14 year old son finally "broke down"....but is agreeing to go to therapy with me!! Thats the first "positive" we have had in the 10 weeks since David died....

I miss him so.

Love,

Lisa

David's mama

http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com/

[wyomingsal]

Lisa,

I am glad your son is willing to go to counseling with you. How heartbreaking to see his pain and not be able to spare him from it.   I am hope this will be the beginning of healing for him.   Breaking down will force him to deal with some of the pain he has been stuffing.  My love to you and your family,

 

sal

[bearsmom]

It has been over a month since I have last posted.  We lost our son December 8th, 2007.  He was 19.5 years old.  He was such a wonderful young man.  I miss my "Bear"; my pookie... my precious Steven.  I thank you all for your support.  Your posts are very helpful.  I know we all have suffered a loss and it is the worst pain imaginable.  I really wish this was all just a bad nightmare and my son would come through the door and I would rejoice that he is home.... but I know that it unrealistic.  I will need to come to terms with his death.  It is just so hard.

http://sites.younglife.org/sites/Greenwich/default.aspx

You can learn a little bit about my boy by going to the Young Life link above.  Thank you all very much and I pray we all find peace and healing soon.

God Bless you all.

Stevens Mom.... Susy

 

 

[loveyoujustin]

Susy,  I am so very sorry for you.  I feel your pain.  I have not posted at length in a long time as it hurts too much to see such loss of beautiful and loving children,although I know for sure in my heart, that we haven't really lost them, they are "always with us."   I just want you to know, that you will find comfort, strength, inspiration, and unconditional love here.  This sight and very, very special people here have helped me struggle through the very darkest of days.  YOu and I live very close to each other.  I read about your caring and loving son on the site you've provided.  How proud you must be!!  What a wonderful young man!  I wish for you, as I do all of us, peace, strength and courage.

With Love,   Trish

www.JustinScottWagnerMemorialFund.com

[fujismum]

Susy, I am so very very sorry for your loss.What a wonderful young man Steven was.

I looked at the Young  Life site and read the tributes and Steven clearly was a much loved and very special young man.You have so much to be thankful for,what a privilige to be his mum,what a giving and generous person he was. But right now your heart is broken , and your family is in raw pain and shock.I pray that your faith will help you through the agony and that you will "grieve with hope". It is so soon after the accident, it will take a long time for your heart to catch up with your head and the grief journey is long and hard.

We will try to walk it with you.

Much love

Anne

[4everjoeysmom]

Susy, I too am very sad for your loss and the pain and grief that goes along with missing him so.  I was touched by the press articles and the love Steven shared with so many.  His legacy will continue and grow through that love.  And the hope and promise of seeing him again beyond this life and for all eternity, I pray will be your peace.  Blessings, Claudia (Joey's Mom)

[bearsmom]

Thank you ladies for going to read about my Steven.  He was indeed a wonderful young man.  I am sure he is busy in Heaven.  It is hard to go through the days knowing he won't be at home when I get there. Or won't be pulling up in the drive-way.  I guess we all know these things and it's such a painful loss.  I hope to get to the point where I don't cry when I see pictures of my boy or hear stories about him. He really thought of others before himself. I have heard him say to me "Peace of the Lord be with you Mom" and I need to listen to him.  Prayer, family and friends and time will help us all. 

Again, thank you for your support and care.

Susy  aka  Steven's Mom

[lagrangel]

Susy, I am sorry for your loss. I viewed the website and what a wonderful son. I have not posted for quite sometime just been going through my dark days. You have came to a wonderful place where you can gather strength when you feel weak. I always read the posts which help me keep going day by day.  I hope you find the hope and strength from BI that helps each one of us on this journey. All my love and prayers to each one at BI,  Lana.

[4everjoeysmom]

Lana, Thinking of you...  I'm sorry the days are so dark for you right now.  I know the sun will shine again, in time...  Blessings and hugs, Claudia

[mikesmum]

Susy - Visited your web link for Steven.  One amazing young life packed into 6'4" and 19 years, as with so many here, so much to give, lost far too soon.

Blessed be - Trudi

 

[bearsmom]

I am so sorry to hear of your losses.  My goodness, so much for one person to take.  I don't know what to say except that I will pray for you.  I lost my son December 8th in a car accident and it is still so raw.  The pain is intense.  This site helps.  So many wonderful kids taken way too soon.  I hope we all can find peace and be able to let our loved ones go.  They wouldn't want to see us in such pain.  Easier said then done.  I know.  Are you working?  I found going back to work is very therapeutic.  I cry in my cubicle almost all day long but I can get easily distracted from my grief to work.  That helps ever so slightly.  Talking with friends and family is good too.  We are all new to this journey so let's go it together.  I am here whenever you need to talk, vent, cry or just talk about your boy.

God Bless you.

Susy   Steven's Mom

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Kathy, I'm glad you posted.  I really liked your picture postcard to Anthony that was attached.  No, It won;t ever go away--the pain, the missing, the sadness.  But I have hope that in time the sharpness will dull enough to allow us to feel we can breathe and live again--just different and not quite whole anymore.

I hope the meds work for you.  Try to pay real close attention to how they make you feel.  In rare cases, and some not so rare, the anti-depressants can make you feel even worse--more despairing, if that's even possible.  So if you have any problems like that, call your doctor right away and try a different one.  Its something many people dont hear about before taking the medicine.  In all, it should take the edge off a little, so if it isn't doing that even, call your doc.  Just looking out for you, my friend.  Let us know how you're doing on the meds and after you get a little settled into your new place.  I also hope you are able to relax and lose the sharpness of your pain for at least a little while as you paint.  You're constantly in my thoughts and prayers.  Big Hugs, Claudia  

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey, yeah, Kathy!  If you find the website to make those cards, post the link here.  It does look fin, and therapeutic too.

I'm relieved that you'll be keeping a medical treatment journal as well as the personal journal to Anthony.  That will help you mark your progress too, which may be more encouraging to you after a while.  Let's hope and pray for that.  I was really wiped out today too, but when I went to rest I had restless legs real bad.  I'm glad you were able to rest for a bit.

I really do hope you come visit some day.  This place is the most peaceful place I have ever been in all of my world travels--the place specifically where I live.  And the wonders of nature are all around me.  It's amazing.  You just let me know when you are ready and my red carpet will be rolled out for you.  Wish I could give you a real hug right now.  the gesture will have to do, I suppose.  Love, Claudia

[katant]

Claudia,

it's right on the bottom cornor of the picture..dahh   www.imikimi.com

I would LOVE to visit you in Ecuador....I may go down there and find my path in life...LOL

I promise you today.  I will make my way to you someday.  I want to meet you face to face and hug you so hard the tears just fly out.

Your are my inspiration and my little glimmer of hope.

((HUGS))

kathy

[4everjoeysmom]

You never know what crossing the hemisphere may find for you...   ...  It will be a dream to treasure in the meantime...  Here's to Hope!    Lots of love, Claudia

[bearsmom]

Tough day.  It's been 7 weeks since Stevens death.  The initial shock is wearing off and the reality is kicking in.  I cannot believe he is gone.  We all miss him so.  He just seems to be away for a long holiday... I want my boy back.  How does one survive this pain?

[4everjoeysmom]

[user=19219]bearsmom[/user] wrote:

Tough day.  It's been 7 weeks since Stevens death.  The initial shock is wearing off and the reality is kicking in.  I cannot believe he is gone.  We all miss him so.  He just seems to be away for a long holiday... I want my boy back.  How does one survive this pain?

Susy, Steven's Mom, I wish there were a list of how-to's that could find a way for us to hurdle over the deepest pain.  I clearly remember being in the place of just coming out of the shock.  It was SO hard--so many realitys, so many firsts, so many tears...

At just after midnight tonight, it will be 18 months to the hour for me.  And while I find myself moving slowly today, as of covered by a cloud, and I am sad, it has been a good while since I had the kind of pain in any given moment that takes my breath absolutely away.  Working through my grief, traveling this journey through time beyond the loss, it's the only thing that has brought softer edges to the pain of this loss.  I can remember now and smile, and even laugh.  I still remember and cry too.  But I can feel the light now when before all I felt was heavy dark clouds covering me.  I can tell you that it helped SO MUCH to have this board to come to, where other parents who lost children, who knew my pain and whom I could relate to, it saved me from totally dropping off the deep end of despair.  There were so many times that I felt things and acted out, and wondered if I was losing my mind.  Others here encouraged me and assured me that I wasn't.  It hurts like living hell, and yet there can be moments, days, and even weeks now that tears don't fall and I have peace.  But in the times when I need a friend, I know I can find one here.

I truly am sad for what you feel right now.  It's neaqrly indescribeable.  I remember.  But I pray that as you journey and make friends here who understand and can bring you comfort, encouragement, and a sense of community in compassion, that you won't feel so alone in your journey.  Our common thread is that we miss our children terribly.  Our common goal is to survive this loss.  We are here for you...  HUGS, Claudia 

[antspop]

Hello everyone.  It's been a while since I posted anything.  I log on almost every night and just don't know what to write.  Tonight I think I'll write what I feel at this moment.  It's been 25 weeks today since I lost my son Anthony.  I miss him so much.  Some days I don't want to do anything at all, and I don't know how I make it through the day.  I get so annoyed easily now especially when I deal with someone who complains about STUPID things.  If they only knew.  I feel like I've been robbed.  I never got a chance to teach Ant all the things a young man should learn.  He never got to graduate high school.  He was only 3 weeks into his 16th birthday.  All the things his mother and I taught him, all the lessons learned, all the good times we had with him--for what?!  He made one mistake and it cost him his life.  If I could only have one wish I would wish for that one particular Wednesday back.  Even if I couldn't change the outcome, I would use it to tell him how much his mother and I love him, how proud we are of him, how so very much he means to us.  And you bet I would try to change the outcome!!  All wishful thinking.  25 Wednesdays ago.  I like to believe he's in a better place.  I would love to hear it from him though.  It's really hard to come home when I know he should be there and he's not anymore.  Now when I come home the house is empty.  I try not to come home at the time the schoolbus he use to ride on passes by.  But sometimes that doesn't work out like I plan.  It sucks because now the bus just drives by.  I really miss him.  Good night Ant.  I love you son!

[bearsmom]

God Bless you Claudia.  Your words were very helpful.   18 months.... I cannot even begin to fathom 18 months without your son.  I will be there some day.  I hope that tonight you have a wonderful dream of happy days with your son.

 

Thank you once again Claudia.  Susy

Tonight, I am going out to the movies with Stevens girlfriend Leslie, my middle son Matt and his girlfriend Rachel.  It will be fun.  Going to see Juno.  Rollercoaster of emotions but tonight is all smiles and fun.

[bearsmom]

God Bless you Claudia.  Your words were very helpful.   18 months.... I cannot even begin to fathom 18 months without your son.  I will be there some day.  I hope that tonight you have a wonderful dream of happy days with your son.

 

Thank you once again Claudia.  Susy

Tonight, I am going out to the movies with Stevens girlfriend Leslie, my middle son Matt and his girlfriend Rachel.  It will be fun.  Going to see Juno.  Rollercoaster of emotions but tonight is all smiles and fun.

[mylukasmyheart]

Hello, my name is Michelle.  I'm new here and haven't been able to tell my story because that tool is apparently down right now so I'll try to be brief for now.  My 15 year old son, Lukas, died on Wednesday, January 16th.  Its been 2 weeks and still does not seem real.  Just reading that other mothers can make it past 7 weeks, 3 months, 18 months gives me a little bit of hope, but at this point not as much as I'd like.  When my son walked out the door on Tuesday evening to ride his bike to a friends house, he said I'll be back in a little while.  That was the last time I saw my beautiful boy alive and awake.  He was hit by a car while crossing a busy street.  He was life-flighted to a hospital  approx. 2 1/2 hours away but his brain injuries were too severe and he passed away a few hours later.  I was holding him when his heart stopped beating and I feel like mine stopped too.  My 18 year old son and 25 yr old daughter  and my husband were there too when Lukas left us.  My 22 yr. old son  had to drive in from Austin and arrived shortly after.  Right now I wish my heart had truly stopped too as this is just unbearable pain.  If I didn't have my 3 other children, I could easily lay down and die of a broken heart.  We are all devastated right now.  We are trying to take care of each other.  Lukas was the "baby".  He was actually the toughest of all of us but had the softest heart.  I miss him so badly that I feel like I'm losing my mind.  Everytime I hear the front door open I get this hopeful feeling like it might be him and this is all a dream but its not.  People keep telling me it will get easier in time but I don't believe it.   

[4everjoeysmom]

Michelle, Lukas' Mom, My heart is aching for you so much.  I am sitting here welling with tears as I post to you.  I am so, so sorry that your precious baby boy, Lukas, has gone.  Please know we are here for you now, as the shock begins to fade, and as long as you need.  Please feel free to share as much or as little as your heart desires, and know that no one here will tire, but will be here to walk with you and hold you up if we can.  Coming into a grief web community like this was the only place where I felt free to just be, and I hope that visiting here will allow you that freedom too when the rest of the world just keeps going.  I have no magic words, but I feel deep understanding and compassion for where you are right now at 2 weeks.  It's more than heartbreaking...  and I am crying with you and for you.  I am a woman of faith and I am also praying for you.  HUGS, Claudia