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For those who have lost recently


lydiaellejay

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lydiaellejay

I have shared this blog a few times before. It is raw and real. Although I will never pretend to understand anyone elses grief or claim to be able to help or guide people I have been told that this has aided many peoples grief and loneliness even in the smallest parts. I therefore want to reach out and continue this.

 

Go to : https://believement.wordpress.com/

 

all my love

 

xxxxxxxxx

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My dad passed away in October 2013 and shortly after that I found out that my mom had lung cancer and she passed away 6 months ago. I have 6 brothers and I'm the only daughter. I find to so hard to move forward with life . My parents were my rock. I have so many emotional days. I never got a chance to grieve for my dad , when my dad past away I thought mom was just getting depressed and one trip to the doctor proved that it wasn't depression it was lung cancer and it was to far along to do anything about it. Hospice was called in and from there her health declined. My parents death was both a surprise never expected it now I'm here and don't know how to cope without them. I'm the kind of person I don't share my feelings with no one. I'm here because I thought talking to strangers would help. I am looking into counseling I may try it.

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Rosesdaughter

I am new to this group.my mom died on April..iam an only child..no husband no kids...my mom was my best friend, confidant, conscience...to make out worse, I had my dog but he was a rescue and never quite settled in.after three years, multiple bites, I had to give him back.So I am alone, no reason to get up,...luckily I volunteer and have that.....my friends are around but they have a life....I can't quit feeling sorry for myself but I have my health, done of my friends have worse things..lost jobs, paralysis, etc....why can't I releaseit....why can't I get over it....why can't I stop feeling like if I left, noone would know

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I as well had my first hit with the loss of my mother, friend and the reason I turned my life around. I haven't posted here in a few days to see if I could deal with it on my own. Sadly, I can't!!!

Since the death of my mother, July 19, 2015, I find myself trying to be the strong one, the business one to put all the affairs in order, and just overall act like "I GOT THIS!" Bottom line, I don't "Got ****!" Except the willingness to shut others out, to cry at night just to go to sleep, and the appetite of a bird.

So today, against my better judgement, I saw a counselor. The first thing she said after hearing me, YOU'RE GRIEVING!!!! I said, no ****!!! What did you think I was doing here? I need some coping skills to get me through or I'm afraid that my life is going to fall apart more than it is. So we talked, I cried, and she said..one thing in life that I know we have to do, that's die. So you must accept it and move through the process. That's not what I wanted to here. But she is right. Now I just have to find out how to accept it as everyday I go to my moms still, feed the dogs, and tell her (she's cremated and I put her in her bed) what we're doing, tell her I love her and miss her so much.

I start back at work, I'm a teacher, next week and the kids come in the following Monday. I'm very afraid to go back. I just want to sit at home and forget about it all. Why can't I just go to a dark room and be left alone? Why did my mom leave? Why did she die so soon? What could I have done to make her well? Why do I feel like it's my fault? Why do I hate people right now? Why do I hate to do the things I enjoyed before? Why can't I keep moving, as my mom said life goes on, keep doing what you need to, don't stop living because I died. Well mom, my life has stopped and I've had more mood swings that Babe Ruth had his hole years of batting. When will this feeling of emptiness go away???

Well getting sleepy, let's see if I can stay asleep.

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