Am I the only one?

[ishsay]

I'm not sure what the limit is on posts? I posted one yesterday, I'm new here.

My question to everyone here is, if anyone has experienced resentment towards their family after their sibling's death? If so has it gotten better?

Here's my story...

My older brother (only sibling) passed away about 8 months ago. He was 24, I'm 22. Heroin overdose (accidental) I live in Florida, where I've been living for two years for school. My mom also lives down here, retired with her husband for about five years. My brother lived in Pennsylvania, where we are all from. The only reason why he didn't move with me was because he was on parol and couldn't leave the state, So there's a little info to understand my hurt.

So about two weeks following my brother's death, my pop had a stoke. My mother and her husband flew up to PA to make sure he was going to be okay. I stayed for work, assuming everything would be fine. The week following my pop's stroke, my brother passed away at my grandparent's home, he was found on the floor, shower running, in his boxers, still warm, they just couldn't get him back. My mother texted me while I was at work saying "call me 911" meaning emergency, I immediately assumed my pop had passed. I went to the back to call her and she told me to sit. When she said it was my brother, I collasped to the floor, screaming, kicking, I didn't know it was possible to cry for a full 24 hours.

I flew home immediately to be with my family and grieve, couldn't help but hate myself for not taking the opportunity that was sent to us to see my brother one last time before he passed away. I see my pop having that stroke as a sign from God, calling the family together and I missed it. My whole family got to see him the weeks prior except me so for that I resent them, selfishly.

When I got to my home state, to my grandmother's, everyone was there crying. My mom was passes out, I was told that she took 20 pills (Xanax) and I needed her most. That whole week, I was the mother and she was the child. It was an unexpected disappointment. I wrote my brother's obituary and spoke at his funeral, I made sure everyone was okay, making sure my mother didn't break the casket from trying to lay on him. Yelling for them not to take him. I had to make sure people we're smiling and eating at the dinner we had for family and friends. My mom stole my grief and everyone let her because she was his mother, and I'm nothing but his sister.

Right now, me and my mother's relationship is on thin ice, I'm planning on moving far away after I'm done with school. Travel the world, maybe. The things she's said to me and have done to me since this tragedy is forgiveable but unforgettable. The bond we had is broken, it will never be the same, I feel. My brother gave the strength to go through that the week of the funeral and on every holiday since. It's been so unfair to not be the one who gets that shoulder to cry on.

[Nassilia]

Omg omg omg!!! I'm reading my story here! (I posted a few hours go: being the remaining sibling) first of all, I'd like to thank you for sharing your story, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my only sibling, my 18 year old brother to a car accident and as you can imagine, sudden death is a nightmare. My brother was everything to us but almost everyone sees it as a tragedy that happened to my mom, nobody ever asked me how I was coping up or if I needed any help or support. It's been a year and I've been fighting so hard to keep all my feelings and emotions in a closed box at the very very back of my head. I wanted to save my mother and didn't dare expressing the most natural reaction anybody would have after losing their baby sibling. So to answer your question: No you're so not the only one, I totally get what you're saying and I can relate to the pain, the anger, the disappointment and the confusion you must be feeling right now. I don't have the answers as to what will come next or what you should do to change the situation but i'll be more than happy to talk to you if you wish. Take care